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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fuck it! I will get sterilised instead!

108 replies

susiemumof · 05/07/2012 20:08

Yes I probably am bu but I am ill and tired and totally fed up.

Agreement was always that dh was going to get the snip once our family was complete. I am 8 years younger than him and I know they would not be keen to sterilise me due to my age and the fact I had a devastating late miscarriage last year after discovering there were problems with the baby. This is another factor in not wanting to be pg again as we are at a high risk of something similar happening again. The doctor has already told me though that they are not keen on sterilising woman who have recently been through it.

I have three gorgeous children who I love with all my heart, my family is complete and I want to move onto the next stage.

Dh seen his doc this morning, he has a navy doctor so not being refered from a nhs doctor.

Anyway the drama I have had since he came home makes me think he has mistakenly thought I had asked him to snip his balls of with blunt scissors. It's like he has been replaced with dev from corrie with the over the top acting and hand gestures I am getting.

To top it all off he has requested they send him on a 10 hour round trip so that he can get a general rather than local anaesthetic!

Have just told him if he is going to be such a pussy about it I will go and see about it myself!

OP posts:
ArthurPewty · 06/07/2012 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vagaceratops · 06/07/2012 11:13

Who will drive him on his trip OP? DH couldnt drive after his vasectomy (under GA).

NarkedRaspberry · 06/07/2012 11:14

There are complications and risks to every medical procedure. There are also complications and risks associated with hormonal contraception, pregnancy and childbirth.

peoplesrepublicofmeow · 06/07/2012 11:26

we have 2 kids and we dont want anymore. OH has mentioned having the snip to me , i have said we dont know what the future holds, anything can happen. family wiped out in a terrible accident for example, which she finds a reasonable argument.
actually having the snip scares the living daylights out of me.

she doesnt find this a reasonable argument as she had 2 births both of which were very difficult.

i've just noticed i've crossed my legs without realiseing it, cant begin to tell you how terrifying i find it, in spite of the fact that every guy i talk to about it tells me it was a doddle call me a wuss if you like but having injections in my testicles before an incision in my scro-bag .....geez, actually i find my fear quite rational!

PackItInNow · 06/07/2012 11:56

I would say that the responsibility for contraception should lie with the person who doesn't want any more kids.

In my case, I absolutely didn't want any more kids, so I saw it as my responsibility to sort out contracteption and got sterilised at 30yo. After all, it was me who would be carrying and giving birth, so it was up to me to put an end to it if I didn't want to have more DC.

Original poster
susiemumof · 06/07/2012 13:02

Like I said in my op it was always the case he would get the snip when the time was right, this has been discussed loads it's not me just deciding he has to get it done.

I probably have about 15 years left that I could conceive, no way am I avoiding piv sex or faffing with condoms then worrying when af is 5 mins late for the next 15 years.

If he does decide to go down the GA route he can find someone else to take him on the ten hour round trip (plus however long it takes to actually do it) I am prepared to take him to the fpc that everyone else i know has used which Is about 3 miles away but I am not taking a day of work and sorting childcare for 3dc to be stuck in a car for 5 hours there with his over the top dramatics then 5 hours back with him screaming everytime I drive over a pebble!

OP posts:
Original poster
susiemumof · 06/07/2012 13:05

Packitin, neither of us want anymore children. We are both singing from the same hymn sheet on that one!

But given the fact it's more complicated fir me to be sterilised and I have already been told they would not be likely to do it due to my age and history it does pretty much fall on him to get it done.

OP posts:
financialwizard · 06/07/2012 13:16

I am a woman, and I got sterilised last year after having had a baby 2 years before. I was 33 at the time. When I went to the GP to ask to be sterilised she tried to talk me out of it and get my husband to have the snip instead. Due to his work commitments he could not do it, and I was NOT going to get pregnant again.

Tbh it was no big deal. I had a bit of a reaction to the anaesthetic and didn't wake up for 7 hours after a 10 minute op, but other than that I was up and ready to rock and roll.

Maybe I was lucky.

mrsmoodypants · 06/07/2012 13:21

Why will they not steralise you due to your history? I would have thought age is irrelevant given you have three kids and the potential problems you may face if you conceive again?

I do think YABU not to take your husband to get this done. Hes obviously very concerned about it.

I'm being steralised due to Dh not wanting too and me wanting to protect myself, due to a complicated range of issues I would be facing terminations if I ever got pg again. I'd be seriously pissed off if Dh didn't support me though and showed the attitude you seem to have towards your Dh.

mrsmoodypants · 06/07/2012 13:22

Taking a day off work to sort this out and help your Dh seems perfectly readonable to me......

mrsmoodypants · 06/07/2012 13:23

Reasonable!

Original poster
susiemumof · 06/07/2012 13:51

I'm just repeating what the dr told me.

She said that given my age and the fact I lost a baby 6 months ago that they would not agree to sterilise me at the moment. She said it was incase it was still the grief making me feel like this rather than us being 110% sure this is what we wanted.

Getting sterilised really is no big deal to me, but the fact that it is easier and safer for dh to get it done instead makes me feel it's a bit stupid me having to do it instead.

OP posts:
rhinobaby · 06/07/2012 14:10

Why don't you consider getting a Mirena ius - unlike the copper coil it should make your periods lighter or non existent , has only local hormonal effects to womb so rare to give you side effects, is reversible, has lower failure rate than sterilisation and none of the risks of an operation. Speak to your gp or local contraceptive clinic.

Original poster
susiemumof · 06/07/2012 14:14

I had considered that rhino but I'm not really willing to take the chance with any hormones in me again.

Plus the fact I know one person who fell pregnant with the coil and another who needed a operation to remove hers after it moved it has kind off put me off (both very rare cases I know)

I would much rather just get it over and done with and know contraception was no longer a issue.

OP posts:
allbie · 06/07/2012 14:24

I was sterilized but had to be resuscitated during the op. They felt it may have been the change in abdominal pressure when they pumped in the gas(laparoscopic op) which lowered my already low blood pressure! Or a reaction to pain! Anyway, I was gone for 15 seconds....I had a feeling this may happen so had mentioned it to my anaestetist pre-op....glad I did, she was ready for it!!!

WorraLiberty · 06/07/2012 17:17

If he does decide to go down the GA route he can find someone else to take him on the ten hour round trip (plus however long it takes to actually do it) I am prepared to take him to the fpc that everyone else i know has used which Is about 3 miles away but I am not taking a day of work and sorting childcare for 3dc to be stuck in a car for 5 hours there with his over the top dramatics then 5 hours back with him screaming everytime I drive over a pebble!

God you sound so warm and caring...not!

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2012 17:32

WorraLiberty says it so much nicer than me.

Sidge · 06/07/2012 17:45

Vasectomy can be a big deal - my DH had his done the first time under local anaesthetic, got an infection, then had ejaculatory pain, then found out it hadn't worked and he had to be re-referred and have it done again.

He chose to have it done under GA the second time and said to the doc "put me to sleep and do it properly!".

So it's not unreasonable of him to be nervous and request a GA.

Sidge · 06/07/2012 17:46

susiemumof even after vasectomy you will need to use contraception for up to 6 months so it's not a case of getting it done and off you go contraception-free. But I understand at least once he's had it done, it's done (assuming it works Wink)

NarkedRaspberry · 06/07/2012 17:47

'I would say that the responsibility for contraception should lie with the person who doesn't want any more kids'

If he wants to have penetrative sex then it is his problem. And as for CogPsych's 'some (women) even refuse to have sex?' Duh! Of course they do because THEY DON'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT.

Alurkatsoftplay · 06/07/2012 17:55

Adding to the bad snip stories here too...DH ended up in hosp three times after his - abscess- then chronic pain...the one good thing was that I hadn't persuaded him to get it done. If I had, I think it would have been truly awful...

minipie · 06/07/2012 17:59

I don't understand the problem susie - your DH is not actually refusing to do it, as far as I can tell? He's just making a drama out of it.

Let him have his drama (after all it is a big decision if not a big operation) and let him get on with it. Don't do it yourself just because he is making a big deal of it.

TheBigJessie · 06/07/2012 18:26

"With-holding sex"? Saying, "I won't have sex without precautions to prevent pregnancy" isn't "with-holding sex"!

And we wonder why our younger sisters and daughters don't feel entitled to demand their partner uses a condom...

I agree that people should use sex to punish each other, but nor should anyone have sex out of duty.

TheBigJessie · 06/07/2012 18:29

*SHOULDN'T use sex to punish each other! SHOULDN'T! Oops...

PackItInNow · 06/07/2012 18:35

Maybe so Narked, but think of it this way. If the OP's DH decided that he didn't want any more kids, asked her to get sterilised, and so, stopped having sex with her in case she got PG, do you not think that a lot of posters would be up in arms about the way SHE was being treated?

Or imagine the OP's DH goes for the snip, and like my friend, ends up not being able to have sex because of pain that hasn't gone away.