AIBU re: Nursery and Food

[thisismyAIBUname]

I'm a bit pissed off with nursery but not sure whether I am BU and a bit PSB.

I went back to work on Monday from maternity leave. DD2 is 9.5 months and BF. She is weaning well and will eat most food but still loves her milk, however, she is a bottle refuser. She loves yoghurt though, and when I have not been there to feed her before I went back to work, she has been fine with food, greek yoghurt and water.

The nursery she is in is the same one DD1 went to for four years and is generally very good. It is a small nursery (35 places across 4 rooms), has excellent facilities and a low staff turnover amongst the room leaders (3 of the 4 room leaders have been there since DD1 started.

I took DD2 there for an hour a couple of weeks before I started back to work to discuss things with the room leader. I asked her to remind me what sort of puddings they gave the kids - she said yoghurt and fruit, ice cream, fruit pies and custard. I was a bit and said I would prefer it if DD didn't have ice cream or custard until she was over 1.

She went for her first day on Monday. They had sausages, potatoes and veg for lunch and ham sandwiches for afternoon snack.

Today they had chicken pie but then her day sheet said ice cream.

Now as it is she is having a bit of a tough time of it - major separation anxiety plus she is a bit under the weather so she refused all food today and the ham sandwich on Monday. However, I am more than a bit that they are offering ham to babies under 12 months at all given the salt content, especially after a meal containing sausages which are also likely to be salty. I am also surprised that they think ice cream and custard are appropriate for under 12 months but am really pissed off they ignored my instructions that I didn't want DD2 to have them.

Would I be unreasonable to enquire with the manager on Monday whether they are using low salt ham and sausages and low sugar / baby ice cream and custard and if not WTF they are thinking giving them to babies? And also raising the fact that I specifically did not want DD having ice cream?

I am an ex degenerate nursery nurse. I think the quality of the food they are served can actually be a lot more important than the choice of food. The first nursery I worked in was very profit led and served the cheapest of the cheap ingredient wise, eg frozen value sausages and mash in the baby room. Even down to buying one pot of baby gravy granules then refilling it with cheapo granules as one parent insisted (quite reasonably) that her baby didn't have full salt gravy and asked occasionally to see the pot.

When I left and changed settings it was a revelation, the food was different again, the staff ate with the children and it truly was a lovely place.

The problem with some nursery settings is that you don't always get what you pay for. It's something that you really need to keep a very close eye on and keep pulling them up on, or look elsewhere.

Is an ex-degenerate a re generate?

I had a few issues like this with an otherwise excellent nursery when my DD was that age. In one case,someone (new staff member) had gone through all the "baby day books" and filled in the same "what I had for lunch " in every book "to be helpful" .This was on a Friday and by the time I got to nursery on Monday to raise the issue, the nursery leader approached me first and explained what had happened. And I really believe that this was what had happened rather than that being an excuse.
Another time she was given something I had requested she shouldn't have , in error and they told me at pick up time,so no real issue.
I wouldn't go in all guns blazing- just point out you were surprised that she had been given this when you had asked for it not to be given and I am sure that they will ensure it does not happen again.

hmm, I'm not sure sparetime I'm still obviously a degenerate in all other ways, it's just the nursery nurse bit that is ex as I'm a SAHM (sorry!!)

Wow - the thread kicked off a bit after I'd gone to bed then.

A few clarifications I think:

a) This is my second child (hence PSB, not PFB ).

b) DD1 went to the same nursery, and really, it is very good. The standard of care is great and the staff are lovely and I trust them totally to look after DD well (not just my opinion - they don't advertise and there is a 9 month waiting list due to it's reputation - the nurseries down the road are half empty).

c) The food is on a four weekly rota and there is a good, healthy selection (so no chance of sausages every week) all freshly cooked and generally not processed (I'm sure the sausages are good quality).

d) I have no problem with the sausages per se (she has them at home on occasion), but AFAIK ham is extremely salty - more so than a good quality sausage. However, even the best quality sausage will have salt in, so to follow that up with something that is also pork and has such a high salt content seems odd.

d) Ice cream, unless home made, again afaik, is not recommended for children under 1 due to the high sugar levels. I also would prefer her to have yoghurt and fruit as this is her main calcium source in the day due to her being a bottle refuser. I supply a big pot of plain greek yoghurt and I don't mind her having one (small) fromage frais.

e) She is only in nursery two days a week - grandparents two days and me or DH the other day.

f) When she is over 12 months, neither ham nor ice cream will bother me!

InMySpareTime That's useful to know about the custard - the one we have at home has to have sugar added (not birds) so I assumed that like the ice cream it would be high sugar.

Just to re-iterate, I am usually pretty relaxed about most things child related - including food - I generally subscribe to the benign neglect school of parenting.

However, given that the only things it is recommended not to give children under 1 are too much salt, too much sugar and honey, I really don't understand why they would give under 1's something as high in salt as ham and high in sugar as ice cream.

My mom used to be a chef in a nursery and she was also a bit so I think I'll mention something to the manager next week. I have currency with her because I know for a fact that she sees me as one of her least demanding parents - the only thing I had to have words about in the four years DD1 was there was her mis-interpretation of the OFSTED Calpol guidance, so I will mention my concerns.

I wouldn't be happy about sausages and ham on same day, but I think on their own occasionally would be fine, and as you hadn't told nursery that you had any objection to this upfront you can't really complain

I don't really see the difference between yoghurt and icecream though? Or custard? What's the issue with these?

pantaloons - you've just reminded me. Yesterdays food was chicken pie, new potatoes veg and gravy. Again, gravy is something I see as high salt, so might ask about that, although it would have only been a bit in her puree which she refused anyway.

I know the 3 other room leaders really well, but the baby room leader is relatively new. I didn't take to her as well as the others, but we got a letter yesterday saying she was leaving and the girl who is taking over is lovely and I know her from DD1's time there.

Sorry didn't see your last post. Still think occasional treats do no harm.

Hi OP, you sound pretty well balanced to me. I think you have every right to be a bit about the ice-cream, especially as you supply and alternative!

As for people who don't approve of both parents working (cough Tracey cough)I really don't know what to say except, Isn't it lovely that you were able to afford to buy a house on one salary It's a shame the popluation is going to hugely diminish because house prices don't reflect single salary mortgages anymore. But that's ok, we can't just let any old poor fucker have kids and be unable to support them without shipping them out to some thicko to look after

Oh, and no defensiveness from me, I'm a SAHM affording to pay the mortgage on one salary.

ceeveebee - I agree, treats are fine - but who said treats have to be high sugar?

an alternative!

Op you sound very reasonable. I would speak to the nursery with no pfb fear whatsoever.

I didn't respond to Tracey before, but in theory we could survive on one salary - although it would be mine as I am the main bread winner and would mean a relatively frugal lifestyle. While I am currently suffering from separation anxiety I really enjoy my job and could never choose to be a SAHM - I'm not cut out for it.

In theory DH would love to be a SAHD but he is self employed and has worked hard to build his business, so he chooses to work for personal satisfaction and so we can afford more than just the basics in life.

DD is only in nursery 2 days a week and with us or grandparents the rest of the time. Even if one of us was a SAHP, we would probably still put her in for a couple of nursery sessions because I think nursery really helps to foster independence, confidence and friend making skills.

We all make our own choices based on our families needs and wants. What is right for one, may not be right for another. There is no need for judgy pants!

YANBU. I tried to avoid high salt and sugar foods for my two prior to their first birthdays and would expect a childcare provider to support that. Presumably they might well have veggie, halal and allergy suffers to deal with so this request shouldn't be too hard.

I'm assuming that you'd be happy for DD to have bread and butter and fruit rather than a whole separate menu?

Yanbu. Your baby, and you gave specific instructions.

Processed red meat can cause cancer.

I'd be really pissed off in your shoes.

I wouldn't feed myself that crap so I don't get why they think it's ok to give to your precious baby!

I wouldn't go as far as to call ham or sausage crap actually it all depends on the quality of the meat etc. I sometimes roast my own ham, I'm quite happy to munch on it.

However I think the salt is a concern for a child under one.

I think thats a crap menu for a nursery, I really do. Non of those things are healthy really. You would hope that a nursery would do their best to develop great eating habbits and give healthy treats.

Also why are they going against your wishes?

I did once go against parents' wishes, but it was for the child's good. The mum said her DS would only drink milk through a nesquik straw, so sent in a load. I offered the DS plain milk, he drank it with no problems, so I gave the mum back all the nesquik straws.
Not saying OPs situation is in any way the same as this, and I agree with her low-salt stance, just saying sometimes parental wishes are not best.

there is still no evidence that red meat can cause cancer. Since yesterday.
Correlation is not causation, do not quote what you don't understand.

If you're not happy with it don't put them in a nursery at such a young age then.

Just popping back to say I'm very sorry for some of the things I said on this thread last night. Not very nice, supportive or helpful. My personal feelings about processed meat products aside, I shouldn't have let my opinions on other things enter into this discussion and I shouldn't have used some of the words I did . I may have a had a leetle too much wine and sun yesterday. I don't really think that all nursery workers are degenerates just the ones that think it's okay to give babies a diet of sausage, ham and ice cream and all the ones that have posted on here sound very caring and thoughtful.

I've changed my name for the day as a gesture of repentance.

Tracey I like your new name by the way.

How about you follow suit secret place? That was a degenerate comment right there?