To think nephew needs to shape up before starting school

[TaytoCrisp]

DN (4) is starting school in September. We recently spent a few days on hols with dsis and family, and during that time I begun to find him incredibly annoying, and began to wonder whether he will find adjusting to school difficult -I'm not convinced he will make friends easily. I found him annoying because:

• he constantly seeks attention and will break up games or steal pieces when other (smaller) children are playing if he is not involved.
• he is extremely lazy and when he is not running or shouting he is veg-ing on the sofa or watching a DVD. He will sit in a buggy while his mum goes shopping, though he looks huge in it as he is tall for his age!
• he will not sit with any activity for more than 5 mins (except tv). This is very exhausting for his mum.
• he never seems to build or create anything (Lego, role play, jigsaw) unless his mum is actively encouraging (begging him), he prefers to break anything other (smaller) children are playing with.
• he seems to find it difficult to understand the rules of games (even games for 2 to 4) year olds, or maybe he is just closing not to play along - I'm not entirely sure.
• dsis has recounted three occasions in the last few weeks where his little "friends" decided they did not want to play with him anymore because - he won't play along or calls them names repeatedly and laughs at them.
• he has hit me (his aunt), only gently though, and tries to annoy me by saying he doesn't like our silly car etc.

I guess this is not really my problem or business but, I do wonder if this is typical behaviour for some 4 year old boys; or whether he needs to somehow learn to start sharing experiences and playing with children his own age (he adores his little sis and they play well together). My sister is aware that his behaviour is exhausting but says "that's the difference between boys and girls" which I don't quiet believe. Also, I just felt tension with him around, which I know is terrible as he is only 4, but I would hope he will start to chill out a bit and become a more enjoyable person to be around. Have to say he can be very affectionate, esp With his mum and little sis.

Aibu to feel annoyed by him? And to feel he needs to shape up and start getting on with pals his own age?

Good luck with this thread

Sorry but I am ROFL! How exactly do you propose he "shapes up"? Please suggest some strategies, i am intrigued!

YABU. He sounds like a perfectly normal 4 yo boy. It is also none of your business, as you say.

Do you have children OP?

Hmmm, unless your sister has asked you for advice Id say beak out. You come over a bit teacher-ish in this post, listing out all his faults. Has he been to day care/pre school before?

Spare the rod spoil the child, he needs a daily hiding clearly.

If he doesn't shape up, does he have to ship out? Maybe a boot camp would be what he needs

my god, have you nothing better to do on sunday morning?

i think you should list all your faults for the world to see!

OP grow up!

OMG no! He's a 4 year old boy and acts like one!

Quick, call the DM and the BBC and...and...Heat Magazine!!

And...FFS chill out.

He is 4. It is not within his control to 'shape up'

At 4, he is incapable of analysing his behaviour, understanding that it is inappropriate and that it will likely impact on him at school and identifying the ways in which to change.

If there is an issue - it is his parents that must sort it out.

You are unreasonable to be annoyed by him, yes. He is 4 years old. That's 48 months. That's no time at all and you expect him to have the skills, understanding and insight to be able to 'sort himself out'?

If you want to be annoyed, be annoyed with the adults - his parents.

YABU! Oh dear....

Sounds just like my two three and a half year olds. Yes, they are exhausting, hopefully school will tire them out!

Arf at Reality's comment!

shape up seriously he is 4 years old sounds like a normal 4 yr old TBH, maybe he should go to baby boot camp to shape up

Leave the bastard

Am I far off the mark to suggest you are the parent of the other (smaller) children?

You can't possibly have children!

Are you suggesting that someone just tell him to shape up and and he will?

Kids don't just become what you want them to you know. You don't just say to them one day that you want them to have a longer attention span, to not be annoying etc and then it happens. They are not little soldiers!

The last time i heard an opinion like that was from an older relation who had never had children or any experience with them. Because she hasn't been around them she still thinks that kids just do and become what you want them to. They have will and personality of their own!

Encouragement and guidance work to a certain extent but you can't change their basic personality.

Let me guess - you have a girl, about 18 months to 2 years old max?

Four year olds, especially boys, are just like that. Socially and emotionally immature less mature than girls of the same age >

And when you have a little PFB, older kids who are not yours are irritating little sods.

As your kids get older, you extend that dislike to all OPC (Other People's Children) regardless of their age

yes I have a dd (2). My sis would be the first to offer unasked for advice on any "problematic" behaviour, so I suppose I'm also feeling more annoyed by her little fella than I should as she is the general "advice giver" for all..

But I was wondering if this is typical for 4 year old boys. Fair enough if it is. I was just asking. In that case it sounds like he will grow out of it at school. Doesn't change the fact that there is a lot of tension when he is repeatedly sent to the naughty step (which effects everyone in the house).

He does go to pre-school, and seems to get on ok there - so I suppose that would suggest he will be fine.

About "shaping up" strategies, even if they were necessary, Im not sure - maybe emphasising how enjoyable it is to "play with" others, and emphasising that he would not like it if others called him names etc., but I know dsis does that constantly anyway. So I'm not sure.

Why do you have a silly car?

Holy canoodle, you must be a real joy to be on holiday with. What a mare for your sister and her family to have you around, making judgments, passing comments, and just pure disapproving of her child.

You weren't "just asking" OP. You were judging and criticising your arse off

Cross post Very predictable

If everyone in the house is affected by a small boy being sent to the naughty step, then the entire house needs to get over it.

Truly. What a ridiculous thing.

Also, it would seem you just want to get your own back as your sister is critical of your parenting. How mature of you.

Is this the 'smug mother to girls' phenomenon I've heard of?

So he's 'lazy' - apart from when he's 'running?'

'He will not sit for ... more than 5 minutes' - apart from when he 'will sit in a buggy' whilst his mum shops?

He's sick of playing with younger children - but 'he adores his little sis'