To think nephew needs to shape up before starting school

[TaytoCrisp]

DN (4) is starting school in September. We recently spent a few days on hols with dsis and family, and during that time I begun to find him incredibly annoying, and began to wonder whether he will find adjusting to school difficult -I'm not convinced he will make friends easily. I found him annoying because:

• he constantly seeks attention and will break up games or steal pieces when other (smaller) children are playing if he is not involved.
• he is extremely lazy and when he is not running or shouting he is veg-ing on the sofa or watching a DVD. He will sit in a buggy while his mum goes shopping, though he looks huge in it as he is tall for his age!
• he will not sit with any activity for more than 5 mins (except tv). This is very exhausting for his mum.
• he never seems to build or create anything (Lego, role play, jigsaw) unless his mum is actively encouraging (begging him), he prefers to break anything other (smaller) children are playing with.
• he seems to find it difficult to understand the rules of games (even games for 2 to 4) year olds, or maybe he is just closing not to play along - I'm not entirely sure.
• dsis has recounted three occasions in the last few weeks where his little "friends" decided they did not want to play with him anymore because - he won't play along or calls them names repeatedly and laughs at them.
• he has hit me (his aunt), only gently though, and tries to annoy me by saying he doesn't like our silly car etc.

I guess this is not really my problem or business but, I do wonder if this is typical behaviour for some 4 year old boys; or whether he needs to somehow learn to start sharing experiences and playing with children his own age (he adores his little sis and they play well together). My sister is aware that his behaviour is exhausting but says "that's the difference between boys and girls" which I don't quiet believe. Also, I just felt tension with him around, which I know is terrible as he is only 4, but I would hope he will start to chill out a bit and become a more enjoyable person to be around. Have to say he can be very affectionate, esp With his mum and little sis.

Aibu to feel annoyed by him? And to feel he needs to shape up and start getting on with pals his own age?

He sounds like a 4 year old child. You are coming across as very critical. I am sure that wasn't you intention.

Enjoy the next two years OP!

You should believe that there is a difference between girls and boys behaviour. I just did a course where it was discussed. Boys develop differently and behave differently. Apparently they do actually find it harder to sit still. One teacher said they find it almost physically impossible. They also discussed writing later and the ability to concentrate. Think they mentioned hormones.

But anyway, the message was that in early school the differences are known, recognised and allowed for. Boys learn differently and this is expected.

you are still 'blaming' the four year old child! Your sister gives unwanted advice and that is why you are more annoyed with her son than you think you might otherwise be.

Apologies for the shouting about to come

BE ANNOYED WITH HER IF YOU WANT TO BE ANNOYED WITH ANYONE!

MrsTrellis I am at 'extending dislike' to all OPK. so true!

I have had 2 DCs and now getting the slow dawning realisation that I don't like 'big kids'. Someone please tell me that my children will be different

Oh and they were saying about how to approach teacher a boy to write who can't sit still. It was very interesting!

Oh no I'm being eaten alive!

Ok - I have a lack of experience with 4 year old boys. He sounds typical and Iabu.

I think I shouldn't have used "shape-up", I just found him annoying during our visit.

And I suppose whereas I would be more empathic with dc of someone else, my sis tends to be the first one to make a judgement of others, so I am reacting to him more than would be typical...

I just knew there would be a sister/one-upmanship issue at the back of this. However grating your sister may be when offering unwanted advice, for the love of god don't take it out on your DN and secretly preen in his supposed inferior social skills. If he really doesn't understand the rules of games could you not have a touch of sympathy for the wee lad, rather than mentally adding it to the checklist of inferior parenting.

If it's any comfort, I find children like this bloody annoying too. Which makes it all the more alarming I gave birth to four of the buggers and had to live with them until they grew out of it. You have my sympathies.

Yes, you are a bit.

Stop going on about HIM as the problem and start thinking about the adults and their responsibility.

Also there will only be tension because you are creating it with your disapproving attitude. I am often at peoples houses when they put their children on the naughty step and i just ignore it, wait for the parent to finish and then carry on our conversation.

There will only be tension if there is person in the house who is secretly judging.

be annoyed at your sister not a little boy your owndd is going to be a nursery school with little boys I hope they dont do anything to upset her, YABVU

What strategies do his parents use and why do you think they might not be working? Tension in a small boy is not normal at all.

Hes 4 give the boy a break, my ds has been extremely active and silly since he was 2 or 3 could never play games wit him as he didnt 'get' the rules didnt understand consequence of naughty step ect now at 6 hes better but still very exhausting and difficult he still dosnt really play with toys acts silly constantly and dosnt sit still unless engaged but he has friendsand is a lovely boy we now suspect there was always something underlying causing these problems, wether this boy is just your average 4 year old (likely) or has some other issues is irrelevant give your sister some help and support shes probably knackered and at her wits end

I have an irritating 4 year old nephew too.

We must try to rise above it.

Mind you, I also have an irritating 10 year old nephew, an irritating bil and two annoying sils.

I think I just get irritated by my family.

Sometimes there isn't a quick and easy fix to behavioural issues. Your sis is disciplining (naughty step) and telling him where behaviour isn't appropriate, which is conventionally regarded as good parenting, so try and cut her a little slack. Btw I am not much of a believer in the naughty step for all children, but that's a separate issue.

FWIW it is possible to programme annoying small relatives to be angels when they are with you, if you apply 1-2-3 Magic assiduously, and spend masses of time with them so they get into new habits. It takes real effort, though. The better grandparents manage to do this quite well, I have noticed.

Arf.

Ok, I'll bite: At around 4 years of age, testosterone levels in boys doubles, often making them more, well, boisterous, angry, aggressive (I mean this in context of being, let's not forget, FOUR). He won't have a clue that this is happening, or how to deal with feeling like this (DS used furiously yearly furious over what seemed like nothing, and would then be clearly frustrated at not knowing how to express this rage).

The teachers will be quite used to this, and will be very experienced at dealing with it.

He'll be fine.

OP, most people find other kids annoying so you are NBU for that (your sis probably finds your DD annoying).

Am sure he is just a normal boy.

OP I would ensure that you HE your dd as you clearly won't be able to cope with the number of annoying children you will meet when your dd starts school. When you have a PFB every other child in the universe is never as perfect or clever or funny or good as yours and you won't be able to live with the constant irritation.

As the mother of a boy I'd say your dn sounds absolutely typical for his age!

good post Latter, sorry you are having concerns about your lad. If you feel up to posting on the SN board for any advice/support then I am sure you would be v welcome, it's not just for parents to kids with diagnoses.

_

AIBU to think DSIS should ease up on the unsolicited parenting advice when she's fighting to keep her own DCs in check?

YANBU

My guess is that the OP is a SMOG
Smug mother of girls.

I have two DDs and they simply mature quicker than boys.

This is especially noticeable in the summer born reception boys. I had a friend who's August born DS worried her being behind his peers in reception. She needn't have he caught up soon enough.

The OPs nephew is just being a 4y boy and 4y boys are very irritating.
So are 4y girls, but not always as obviously.

The first coherent thing I ever heard my youngest cousin say was "bigbrother's name, Stop It!!" he was chucking Lego about at the time.

In my experience that about sums up small girls and their mum's attitude to small boys.

As for my naughty cousin, he's now a school teacher and absolutely lovely.

??
furiously yearly = to become!

It sounds as though your sisters doing all the right things, telling him to play nicely etc.

I find other peoples children annoying sometimes (well a lot!), a friend of mine has children that never stop asking for things and going on and on and on. One of them can be quite rough, the boy of course. It is more tiresome when its someone else's kids.