To think nephew needs to shape up before starting school

[TaytoCrisp]

DN (4) is starting school in September. We recently spent a few days on hols with dsis and family, and during that time I begun to find him incredibly annoying, and began to wonder whether he will find adjusting to school difficult -I'm not convinced he will make friends easily. I found him annoying because:

• he constantly seeks attention and will break up games or steal pieces when other (smaller) children are playing if he is not involved.
• he is extremely lazy and when he is not running or shouting he is veg-ing on the sofa or watching a DVD. He will sit in a buggy while his mum goes shopping, though he looks huge in it as he is tall for his age!
• he will not sit with any activity for more than 5 mins (except tv). This is very exhausting for his mum.
• he never seems to build or create anything (Lego, role play, jigsaw) unless his mum is actively encouraging (begging him), he prefers to break anything other (smaller) children are playing with.
• he seems to find it difficult to understand the rules of games (even games for 2 to 4) year olds, or maybe he is just closing not to play along - I'm not entirely sure.
• dsis has recounted three occasions in the last few weeks where his little "friends" decided they did not want to play with him anymore because - he won't play along or calls them names repeatedly and laughs at them.
• he has hit me (his aunt), only gently though, and tries to annoy me by saying he doesn't like our silly car etc.

I guess this is not really my problem or business but, I do wonder if this is typical behaviour for some 4 year old boys; or whether he needs to somehow learn to start sharing experiences and playing with children his own age (he adores his little sis and they play well together). My sister is aware that his behaviour is exhausting but says "that's the difference between boys and girls" which I don't quiet believe. Also, I just felt tension with him around, which I know is terrible as he is only 4, but I would hope he will start to chill out a bit and become a more enjoyable person to be around. Have to say he can be very affectionate, esp With his mum and little sis.

Aibu to feel annoyed by him? And to feel he needs to shape up and start getting on with pals his own age?

in fact, on re-reading I want to cry

I think the running around and then watching DVD for a time is fairly typical - in fact I think it was when my DS was 4yo I spent a fortune bought loads of DVD just he would bleeding well sit still

The snatching and attention seeking isn't IMO typical behaviour, well, actually I guess it is but it's unacceptable behaviour. He probably needs to be taught how to play though - time out won't help him - he'll probably go back and do the same thing again to get included. And anyway, when he starts school he'll automatically get an education about what is and isn't accepted. IME there's nothing like a group of 30 4yo's together to teach what is and isn't tolerated by other children.

And Yes, yes, yes to the differences. I also did a course about Raising boys - in a professional capacity and walked away feeling guilty realising my annoying but loving and exploring DS was actually typical and I'd been incredably harsh on him the 2 years previously.

YABU - but you've got that!!

Yes, do read Steve Biddulph's book Raising Boys. It's very helpful - your sister might benefit from it as well.

That is, if you're still reading .

Oh and may I add - all, yes everyone of my friends has girls poor DS and despite him being the figetiest and noisiest he was by far the least whiney, argumentative and one of the best behaved.

There are biological and developmental differences - behaviour standards should reamin the same though.

Arf, rack.

Why do you drive a silly car, op?

Cinnycall. Has she gone on to have children? What was the method by the way?

My aunt is the same. Just doesn't understand normal behaviour so thinks that anything other then sitting still silently or perhaps doing a puzzle or learning to knit is naughty. She advised me to smack them because one of them was crying whilst i was on the phone to her!

And next year when he goes to school the "silly car" will have upgraded to a "poo poo car". Or that's the adjective most of the boys in ds's class seem to use at the moment. Funny thing is they can use it as a compliment, or an insult with slightly different intonations on it.

I have a friend who had a baby about 2 years after me. We were out and she had arranged to meet up with a group of friends and have a meal in a restaurant, all the children were 1 or under.

I explained that DS was hungry now, wouldn't last until we got to the restaurant and that he probably wouldn't sit still through a long meal. She sniffily replied that hers was going to learn to behave in restaurants from an early age and it was up the parents to do this. She then walked off.

Two years later, guess whose child is better behaved in restaurants and doesn't need to be taken out of the place to calm down each time we eat. Aah there is nothing like being smug, it always bites you in the bum later. [Really trying not to be smug but it is hard at times [ wink]].

Careful OP, there will be a time when your children are less than perfect, your sister would be entitled to have some sly smiles then.

Some children are different in school to what they are at home. You might find because hes in a different environment & around a bigger group of children his age that he develops their way of doing things & sharing.

Other people's children can be annoying. They just can.

Your nephew sounds normal but hard work. My nephew at 4 was WAY worse though (and school did not help). But that's another story!

Try to give him some 1 to 1 attention just for 10 mins or so (yes, I know you have a dd) and you might find him less annoying as you get to know each other a bit better. If he still irritates the pants off you then go back to silent fuming till he's a charming grown up in 20 years time!

I don't think all 4 yr old boys are like this.
He does sound quite destructive. Imo, most 4 year olds can get on with lego/building and playing co-operatively.
Also, breaking other's toys, name calling and hitting his aunt-not exactly nice behaviour, is it?

That's what I think Nowthen - the boy could do with some help with learning to take turns. If he's put on the naughty step every five minutes he will be very confused and stressed. OP could spend some time modelling good play skills with him in front of his parents.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that think this all sounds like completely normal behaviour.

You don't sound like you understand children very much op.

If he's your nephew I've no doubt you only get a snippet of what his behaviour is like.

Oh and op you're very lucky you haven't met my four year old as he'd have called you a poo poo head by now.