To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

What vile thoughts did I think Tinks?

I think you're confusing fact with me admitting we all have nasty thoughts at times. But I understand you need to cling onto a small morsel of the high ground here.

Damsel- it was directed at me because I said I had never wanted someone to fail stupendously out of spite. It was a childish knee jerk response just like the ones you are accusing others of. I have never wished evil on someone because they refused my help. Why would I? If that makes me "Mother Fucking Theresa" (nice) then I can live with that! There are worse things I could be called.

"And the OPs comment was no worse than wishing you and yours in hell. Not that I do, though I do admit I don't have nice thoughts for you Tinks."

I'm afraid it is there in black and white damsel.

Damsel- that remark was nothing to do with the sexual abuse of children. It was about this bizarre idea that some people have that their "antenna" are as accurate as evidence, and that "gut feeling" alone is sufficient to suspect/abuse somebody of a heinous crime.

kittyandthefontanelles Mon 02-Jul-12 21:46:17

So you've never tried to help anyone and they've not wanted your help and you've not thought, well I wont help and see what happens?

No, because I'm not spiteful by nature.
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DamselInTornDress Mon 02-Jul-12 21:46:41

It's been a school yard on here. I'm over and out. Time for shower and bed.
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tinkerbel72 Mon 02-Jul-12 21:48:51

Agree kitty. A very spiteful way to think.
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DamselInTornDress Mon 02-Jul-12 21:53:27

Oh please!!!! Mother fucking Theressa!
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There it is all in context. Holier than thou comes to mind.

Oh and no Seeker, I wasn't addressing you at the time.

I can honestly say that I have never wished horrible things on to people or their families. I don't think it's that unusual!

Oh, so now nasty is vile? What I mean by nasty is bad, but please do feel free to transpose any word in place of what I say as you like. As has been done throughout this thread.

And now, I'm done explaining. The thread is here. Read it. I've said all I've got to say.

You have said you don't have nice thoughts about me damsel.

Well- I can live with that . But to keep ranting at others when you are the one who is defending the ops hopes that harm befalls other people's children, is a bit much.

Was that directed at me because I said I considered some of the things said to Tink to be vile?

agree totally with rhubarb

what the hell is wrong with you all?

Actually, one more thing.

Seeker, it may come as a surprise to you, but people who have been raised amongst pedos do have a better sense for them. Just like people who hang about it the shadier part of society have a better sense of it. They're more street wise. Same applies for those who have rubbed shoulders with pedophiles all their lives. Call it gut feeling or what ever you want. Some people do read the clues they've been expose to better than others.

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that is true damsel

bejeezus Tue 03-Jul-12 11:55:45

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This thread just appeared on active for me and having caught up, I am pleased I left when I did yesterday.

I agree with your sentiment Rhubarb.
I tend to post on these threads because I think that the general view of 'stranger danger' far outweighs the real risk it presents.
And having a lovely gentle son with Asd I am aware that his awkward social behaviour is exactly the behaviour that will trigger suspicions.

But having everything you say used as point scoring is pretty depressing. I guess expecting people to behave with any sensitivity on aibu is itself unreasonable.

Fwiw I was 'raised amongst peedos'. The thing I learnt was how determined people are to think that they would spot one when they so rarely do. It is so damaging, this misguided confidence.

It would be helpful to most of us to share experience and views and learn from that. It might better protect our dc. But winning some pissing contest seems to be more alluring.

Can you link the evidence for that?

Erm...? Well, thanks for the transcript but I'm afraid you really aren't making sense to me. Again, if not wishing evil things happen to my fellow human beings makes me "holier than thou" then yes, consider me the holy of holy. Along with panda and others on this thread. I'm jumping ship now because as I said, you aren't making sense to me, this is getting too circular and frankly I've much better things to do.

Sorry pag- my post was to damsel and bejeezus

Why is it acceptable to label someone a paedo based on nothing? Why is it acceptable to start rumours and gossip based on a 'gut feeling' and nothing more? These things have a way of not being confidential in the end and can ruin people's lives - the unfounded gossip and rumours are enough.

no i cant tinkerbel

hiding thread now, because you are all fruit-loops

The ops original post about reporting the email to the school- she did the right thing, whether people agree or disagree is their opinion but op isn't helping herself by wishing harm on others.

All i want to know is the outcome of this situation?
And have you seen this man since ?

Ah right thanks for clearing that up bejeezus. So, when damsel stated that those who have lived amongst 'peedos' are better at detecting them, and you jumped on her coat tails within seconds saying 'yes you're correct damsel', it wasn't actually based on any reliable evidence. At least we're clear about that then