To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

i havent read the bits where the possible harmful consequences of that email have been explained

Then you should, really, I've had too much wine am too tired to go through it again but if you flick to all messages and search for secretary or Chinese whispers I'm sure something will come up.

(Sheesh, I probably could have explained it in that time!)

I am saying that if, as you both have been saying all through the thread, there is nothing to worry about from someone who "raises an eyebrow" or invokes a gut feeling, then why are you so het up about the Op's comment?

Tanith, it doesn't really matter, in this particular instance, what the other posters think about eyebrowraisingperson, it was how the OP thinks and therefore what she intended by that comment.

She thinks there is something very much to worry about re raisedeyebrowprovokingperson and it was she who made the comment. Therefore the intended meaning of that comment, made by the OP, was I hope you meet someone sinister but ignore it.

Yes really sooty

Jumpingthrouhhhoops made the comment, and it is perfectly clear within the context of the thread that she means something pretty sick and nasty. How odd that anyone should try to defend it.

And it's completely non sensical to keep saying that anyone has said there is nothing to worry about from someone who raises an eyebrow or invokes a gut feeling. NO ONE has said undesirable people aren't out there. People have just responded to the OPs scenario and commented that on the basis of THOSE situations, they think it is totally wrong to email the school using inflammatory and highly prejudicial language.

To be honest anyone who interprets that as 'you don't think paedophiles exist, therefore I hope your children one day meet some one nasty ; it'll serve them right ' is SICK. And anyone who says 'I don't think it's Nice to say it aloud but I understand why the op thinks it' also needs to take a long hard look at why they harbour such odious thoughts.

Totally agree Tink. So sorry something so evil was said to you. :(

What I understand from this thread is just how wrong I was.

You have no proof for either your disbelief or your accusation.

Too funny in context of this thread

Jeez Damsel, that's so harsh. :(

"childish and nasty"?

Are these new words for "thoughtful and rational"?

There's a lot of pots and kettles on this thread.

I hope you're ok Tink. You've had some vile things said to you.

Ah, she called for you last night to come defend her too. Scroll back and see.

Ooh, my mistake. It's Pag's she called for.

Bloody hell Damsel. Are you intent on going to war with anyone who disagrees with what the OP did?

"Oh please!!!! Mother fucking Theressa!"

I suppose this is what you call an adult or grownup comment is it? It's spelt Theresa by the way.

This is just WRONG people!

FGS just STOP!

This thread is stirring up emotions. We have at least one poster who has been sexually abused by a paedophile on here and we have others who may never have encountered anything like it in their lives.

So how about a bit of sensitivity?

It must be bloody awful to have suffered such abuse as a child, so horrible I cannot comprehend it.
Equally what on earth is going on when someone makes a comment about wishing people would meet someone suspicious someday?

Those who have been abused have every right to be suspicious of just about anyone. Can you blame them? Would you not be? I've only ever been burgled but it was enough to make me paranoid about burglars and I still am. God knows what I would be like if I had suffered worse.

CAN YOU POSTERS NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?

I'm sure the world is NOT populated by paedophiles but that's easy for us to say who have never come across one.

And have you really not?

I was asked to go with a man when I was a child. I was sitting on my garden wall holding a brand new toy monkey that my brother had bought me. It was bigger than me! An old man stopped and complimented me on the monkey. He asked me to go with him to show his friend. He was quite insistent that I should go with him to his friend's house to show him my monkey. I got quite frightened and told my mum straight away. Not that she did anything.

As a young teen looking much younger than myself, I was groped by a man in a nightclub who kept going on about how young I looked. I was also groped by a taxi driver and have been flashed at on numerous occasions.

There are vile vile people out there and anyone who has never had an experience like that is very very lucky.

So can we all just take a step back from this thread?

There are some extremely hurtful things being said to vulnerable people on this thread. You might not be able to see the people you are directing your comments to but they are there all the same and they have to carry that horrible feeling around with them once you're done with them.

So I don't really care who started it and whose fault it is, can we not just stop it now please. It's pretty damn disgusting.

We should be supporting each other, not tearing shreds off each other.

I've been plunged into depression by things said to me on Mumsnet, yet those posters probably had no idea how much they had affected me and carried on their lives as normal whilst I curled up and cried. Pathetic I know but that's what I mean when I say THERE ARE VULNERABLE PEOPLE ON HERE.

So think please and just stop.

No. I'm not going to war with anyone. I have more sympathies toward the OP than I do for her because of her behaviour on here. So thought I'd say my piece this morning. Now I'm done with it.

Kitty, did you read what that comment was in response to? It was people denying that they had ever had a nasty thought that they never said out loud. I responded like that to their denial because EVERYONE has had nasty thoughts. Even those who live in lala-land about it.

Good post TheRhubarb.

Oh FGS I give up.

I can see real people being hurt on this thread and for what?

To make a point?

Any point being made is lost among the general bullshit now of people just point scoring against each other and not heeding the casualties along the way.

This isn't a debate. It's just pages of personal insults about paedophiles. FGS. This is just vile.

To the majority on here- thanks for your concern. Yes, I'm ok, though still reeling from the idea that posters like jumping and damsel can actually think such vile thoughts.