trivial things that fuck me right off

[NationalAccidentHelpline]

AIBU?

1. People who write 'mmmn' instead of mmm (too onomatopoeic)
2. People who write yeay or yey instead of yay (fucked up)
3. People who say they baked 'flapjack', not flapjacks (twee fuckwits)
4. Nom nom nom (stab stab stab)
5. Anyone who says 'make love' with a straight face (gag reflex-tickling)
6. Meegraine instead of My-graine (frankly you deserve one if you can't say it properly, sorry if you're a mIgraine sufferer and I've just really offended you, I know it's a serious condition etc etc and I wouldn't wish it on anyone who could say it properly )

That is all

1. And people who say the above ^ (you're not Miranda Fucking Priestley, but I know this has been discussed already so I won't go on about it)

Haitch,pacific instead of specific,brought instead of bought,would of instead of would have.
The endless bloody like this if you think this girl is beautiful/ think dogs are mans best friend blah blah blah.
The who is your favourite mnetter

I HATE the favourite MNer threads.

I also hate the phrase

Grrrrrrrr.

I second "brought" instead of "bought". It doesn't make sense!

"I brought a pizza at Tesco today."!?!?

Lateness infuriates me. People who are meeting me say at eight, need to leave at seven thirty and don't leave until eight. leaving me and dcs hanging about for half an hour because WE were on time.
SIL I mean you!

Also sing-Ging, bring-Ging etc.

Natch.

Holibobs.

"A can of drink"

On style and beauty threads when OP asks "I'm looking for a bag/wallet/pair of shoes etc for around £100." and people pile in to say "I would never spend that amount on a bag!"

My mum when she says wokkie when mentioning ds having a bottle. Even worse "does ds want his wok wok". She was unimpressed when I said I felt it unlikely he'd be up for a stirfry.

People who write loose instead of LOSE!!!!

Its fucking LOSE....as in I WILL LOSE MY LOOSE KNICKERS AT THIS RATE.

STOP IT WITH THE LOOSE!!!!

Someone who knows I have spent ages cleaning a filthy kitchen floor, does some gardening and then comes in and walks right across it in the same boots that were trampling over the veg garden not five seconds before. Leaving footprints.
DH, you may be exDH if you EVER do that again.

Answering mobiles while I am with you, without apologising (I don't mind someone who says "Sorry, I just need to check this - it's the babysitter who may be trying to tell me that the kids are on the way to A&E with marbles in their windpipes. I am so sorry, do you mind waiting?". I intensely dislike people who randomly answer the phone while we are mid-conversation in real life, and then chat on their phone so I am left waiting for them to finish their clearly-much-more-important conversation by phone.)

The wanker who overtook me at 60mph in a 30, residential zone, right by a school. And then got caught behind the same tractor I was slowly following for the remaining 200m of road, right up to the roundabout. I hope the car contained a dying person, or a being-born person, to make that risk even fractionally worth it. Did you not see the flowers by the side of the road where a motorcyclist died 2 weeks ago on this very stretch of road? Tosser doesn't even come close.

People who spell it 'Pooh'

Oh so you weird flapjack folk also bake brownie do you?

"To die for" In relation to some nice food or a fancy handbag. No it fucking isn't. Get a grip.

Been thinking about that one for a while,have you?

I don't say ATM machine, but I do refer to it as "cash machine". Is that ok?

I hate it when everyone knows I am dishing dinner out roughly around 5.30 every night and still I get phone calls as I am doing so, or just sat down to eat and it is always never anything important. I purposely ignore it now (and my mobile as they then try that )

I also hate being piggy in the middle between certain people. Especially two, who live less than a mile from each other but yet they ring me, 100 miles away, to get me to ring the other one to relay a message, who in turn gives me another message to give to the first one. FFS grow up and tell them yourself!!

Brought instead of bought also annoys me.

And those who say "Your so going to get you're arse kicked later" erm...

And most definitely the ones who do 30 in a 50 zone. For crying out loud, if you are so scared of doing a bit of speed in your nice new BMW, why the fuck did you get it? Give it to me and I will show you how it's done!!

I think you need to chill out and get out more if these are your biggest problems

By that logic 'getting out more' will provide me with bigger, less trivial problems. If that were the case, I'd be best off staying in more, no?

Its not a lighted candle, its a lit candle!

People who use less instead of fewer, e.g. I had less sweets yesterday. LESS is weight. FEWER is numbers. You have FEWER sweets but they weigh LESS

Argh

Jareth, how v dare you. I am certainly not one to dwell on things...nooo desperately tries to think of another plural traybake example

I 'was sat'! Ugh!! 'I sat' or 'I am sitting/seated'. Other tenses available. Drives me mad.

"Aw he/she is Gawjus/Gorjus/Gorgis" "No he/she is fucking not as there is no such word its gorgeous"

The bloody neighbours, who have an alarm clock which goes off at 6.30am, wakes me up and then they don't turn it off for half an hour.

I am so sick of it!!!!

Arseholes who can't even be bothered to lift a finger in thanks when you've given way or let them out of a turning etc. Politeness costs nothing you twats!

People who put the receipt in the bag. I want it in my purse ffs

Amazeballs. Totes. Simples.

Functionality. Practicable. Blue sky thinking. COP (for close of play).

Hideously literal news reports where the reporter is talking about the rain and has to be standing in waders in a puddle, or the fire service and he's sitting in a fire engine etc

cocolepew OK, you're on. Tell me all your bad sex stories but nothing involving Hand-jobs, Hermaphrodites or Hyperventilating, then

I have more, so, so many more, but that thread seems to have died now.

@ NAH

Also - I like totes Amazeballs because its so fucking stupid.

Om nom nom nom nommmmm

People who text LOL should be imprisoned for 6 weeks.

Loads and of loads of things but especially po faced posters who say things like:

'I think you need to chill out and get out more if these are your biggest problems.'

Nothing boils my piss more than misery based smuggary.

Back to my wine.

People who say "another THING coming"

So that would make the phrase: "if you thing you're xxxxx, you've got another thing coming."

It's THINK, you knobbers!