trivial things that fuck me right off

[NationalAccidentHelpline]

AIBU?

1. People who write 'mmmn' instead of mmm (too onomatopoeic)
2. People who write yeay or yey instead of yay (fucked up)
3. People who say they baked 'flapjack', not flapjacks (twee fuckwits)
4. Nom nom nom (stab stab stab)
5. Anyone who says 'make love' with a straight face (gag reflex-tickling)
6. Meegraine instead of My-graine (frankly you deserve one if you can't say it properly, sorry if you're a mIgraine sufferer and I've just really offended you, I know it's a serious condition etc etc and I wouldn't wish it on anyone who could say it properly )

That is all

1. And people who say the above ^ (you're not Miranda Fucking Priestley, but I know this has been discussed already so I won't go on about it)

Tigress
You could say "me can..." of course you could...

Should you, though?
Me thinks you really shouldn't. But maybe that's just me.

Yes, thank Lueji, I meant "myself" instead of "I" or "me".

I would actually argue that "me" instead of "I" is an acceptable alternative. For example, we never say to someone on the phone "it's I", even though "I" is the subject here. We say "it's me".

So take your passive aggressive grin and remember to never argue grammar with someone who studied linguistics.

Aksed - no, it's ASK.

Random apostrophes on shop signs / menus etc. A print shop over the road from me has a poster advertising Sign's. Why?

There / their and where / were, its really not difficult.

Tkt spk.

People that cough / sneeze without putting their hand over their mouths. Or sneeze into their hand and then put that snotty hand onto the hand rail on the tube. Grim.

People that eat with their mouths open.

People that eat fish in the office.

Nom nom nom - why is it everywhere now?

Using 'I' instead of me because you think its 'posher' even when its wrong. My sister does this ALL the time.

It's not its - should really get my own grammar right when whinging about it!

People who shorten my name when I've specifically told them my full name.

For example in a meeting, Hello, I'm Bertrude Cabbagio. Hello Bert, I'm blah blah blah.

People who ask what you're doing there when you're somewhere very obvious. Of course I'm going to tell them that I'm running away from a herd of stampeding elephants if someone sees me in the supermarket and asks what I'm doing.

Facebook statuses like 'oh my god, I can't believe that just happened', 57 responses asking what, and the OP saying 'I can't tell you, its top secret MI5 business but it was soooooooo cool'

Oh and definitely people who never talk to you on facebook or in RL, but like pretty much anything you post. Just seems stalker-ish to me. Making sure you know they're watching your every move...

Drivers. All of them, including me. I'm a terrible driver and if someone else drove like me I'd be swearing at them.

People who preface opinions with, 'I'm sorry but...' You're not sorry. Not really. (unless you mean in the ye olde sense of the word.)

The creeping Americanised use of 'I love that [you're not afraid to wear jeggings despite having an arse the size of a telly]' or 'I hate that [Farrow & Ball don't do a colour called Clunge]'. Also, the whole 'can I get...?' business, and 'Enjoy!' Enjoy what?

I can just about squash my pedantic ire about misplaced apostrophes in emails but when I see them printed in adverts or on posters or in huge sticker letters in shop windows it makes me want to ring someone up and froth. How many people check those things? Doesn't anyone know how to form a plural any more? What is so scary about adding the letter s? And why do so many people do it mid-stream, eg, 'My favourite vegetables are peas, beans, and courgette's''?

I will never stop being annoyed by people driving with a mobile clamped between their ear and their shoulder. No, it's not the same as talking to someone in the car with you. People in the car with you might say helpful things like, 'You're about to run that lady over, Marjorie.'

Aaaarghhhh yes people who come overbamd comment on what you are having for lunch.. I cringe everytime this happens but don't know why.

One pence.

Sport on telly at 9pm every sodding night. Even when it's not scheduled. You complete bastards. On dull and long days I very much look forward to the 9-10pm slot to sit down and not do anything involving sprogs or work and all I am after is a nice detective thing, or a documentary or something which is NOT SODDING SPORT!

Middle lane drivers.

Just got back from a trip using the M62. Why, oh why do some drivers insist on just getting into the middle lane and staying there. They aren't overtaking the slow lane. they are just driving along.....

MOtorway lessons should be compulsory following the driving test I think.

Posters who continually brag about how perfect their life is

WE DON'T CARE

cybbo, people like that normally have a shit life. I feel sorry for them to be honest.

Yes if you have to constantly remind us and yourself it's all a bit fake IMO

People ending Their FB status with THAT IS ALL! A full stop has been conveying that message for centuries, is understood the world over and saves typing 3 unnecessary words.

"ekcetera". It has a t as the second letter.

"like" interspersing every other word by anyone under 25. Give it a bloody rest will you?

Facebook - the curse of the decade.

Inability to use apostrophes correctly. Believe me, the rules are really simple.

The Microsoft phone scam. Do they really think we came down with the last shower?

People who greet you with "you all right?" Yes - it's the other buggers. What's wrong with "hello" or even "hi" or "good morning"?

Gossiping people with prams in the middle of pavement who expect you to leap out into the road to go round them.

I'm going to add my two penn'orth.

People who say 'what the jeff'. Actually only ever heard it on here but it gets right on my tits. Sorry to all you lovely ladies who do like to use it.

Agree with all the posts on pavement dwellers who commandeer the whole area, making it impossible to get through.

People who bump into me or walk in my way, and it's me who ends up saying sorry!

The woman at a gig last night who thought it was just fine to bust her way through to the front and then swing her fucking hair about hitting me in the face. Excuse me love, but I'd been standing there for over an hour to ensure a good spot and you just come in and barge your way through. Hmmphh!

I confess to saying 'a can of drink', shoot me now.

Men who wear two matching earrings, one in each ear. They look like my granny.

Recommendations in reviews and bookshops: 'If you liked x, you'll love y.' Lazy.

Anyone spitting, particularly joggers, who should know better.

People who sit in the outside seats of trains and buses, with their bag on the seat next to the window. I pick them out specially and make them move to discourage the habit.

oshuk when people do that I helpfully spill my beer in their hair, then tell them "you've been dipping your hair in my beer all night, care to fuck off to the right a bit? What's that? A disagreement? Let me get security to help you sort that out"

my bad wtaf does that even mean? Just say "my mistake" FFS

People moaning about how terrible the government / council are, then I find out they haven't voted. Unless you've got a bloody good reason not to have done, get off your arse if it matters to you. And if you're a woman, people actually died to give you that right so use it.

People whose FB statuses are all about the minutiae of their childrens' lives. Yes I know you love them. I also know you think they're entirely marvellous in every way, and I am sure on occasion they do things worth telling everyone about. But guess what, I love my DS too and I don't bang on about him every time he so much as farts. I'm friends with you, not your children! Actually this is equally true for some people and their pets.

People singing song lyrics wrong.

Fake-friendly and over-familiar sales people and chuggers.

Oh "my bad" is awful.

"HIYAAAA HOW ARE YOOOOOU" is my absolute number one hate, said in that high-pitched utterly fake sing song tone to EVERYONE whether your best friend or someone you've just met.

People who go swimming, but stand in groups gossiping in the middle of the pool.

Swim you fuckers, is what I want to say in RL to them.

Estate agents' ads that say 'comprising of...'

NO!! It's comprising or comprised of

Although I don't know why I've written that because you all knew that already (or at least I hope you did!)