trivial things that fuck me right off

[NationalAccidentHelpline]

AIBU?

1. People who write 'mmmn' instead of mmm (too onomatopoeic)
2. People who write yeay or yey instead of yay (fucked up)
3. People who say they baked 'flapjack', not flapjacks (twee fuckwits)
4. Nom nom nom (stab stab stab)
5. Anyone who says 'make love' with a straight face (gag reflex-tickling)
6. Meegraine instead of My-graine (frankly you deserve one if you can't say it properly, sorry if you're a mIgraine sufferer and I've just really offended you, I know it's a serious condition etc etc and I wouldn't wish it on anyone who could say it properly )

That is all

1. And people who say the above ^ (you're not Miranda Fucking Priestley, but I know this has been discussed already so I won't go on about it)

The use of "bugbear" instead of "pet hate". What the actual jeff is a bugbear? How is that made up word in any way relevant to its meaning? It makes my teeth itch.

Also the use of "gift" as a verb, as in "I gifted my sister a dictionary". No, you didn't, you "gave" her a dictionary. Gifted ffs. Oh also "write me" instead of "write to me".

People who come into my shop and snap 'I don't know what I want yet!' when I say Good Morning or Good Afternoon.

I didn't ask what you wanted. I greeted you. Because I am polite.

You fucking rude moronic twunt.

Have woken up grumpy this morning so have a few more.....

People who say/spell, out loud in conversation, OMG or WTF as "oh em gee" or "double-u tee eff". You sound ridiculous don't do it. (bf i'm looking at you)

People who carry golf umbrellas. In central London. At rush hour. I mean ffs how much pavement space does one person need?

People who take one step onto a packed commuter train and then stop dead to look around for a seat/in their handbag when there's another hundred people trying to get on behind them.

People who read whilst walking. Look where you're going damn it!!

When DH comes home from a day of meetings with American colleagues talking in a stupid fake half American accent ("trash" instead of "rubbish", "city" becomes "ciddy")

Monday mornings

Will save the rest of this thread to enjoy over lunch at work but while I'm here:

People who say "apropos" of anything. I had a next door neighbour who used to try and get me to do legal work for him for nothing in areas of law I knew fuck all about and he used to say things like: "Have you had time to look over that letter apropos the planning permission"; "Apropos next week's summer fete, I hear the cake stand will be running again".

Apropos of you fucking of, I look forward to being informed you have reached the far side of fuck.

People who moan about the sport replacing the soaps. Soaps are on ALL THE TIME. You can live without it for one night, surely!
DH who insists on putting the letter R in every word. Farther for father etc. He also says draw for drawer and loose instead of lose.
People who park in places when they shouldn't and then moan about getting a ticket. Don't park there then!
People who leave their trolley where they were parked or in another parking space even though the trolly park is next to them. Lazy fuckers!!!!
People whe refuse to read someone's thread because there is no paragraphs and telling the OP why. Get a grip!
TV snobbery
Food snobbery

People who say 'inbox me' or 'I've inboxed you'. It's e-mail ffs.

People (looking at people on Jeremy Kyle) who say text-es instead of texts.

The autocorrect on my phone.

Oh, and here's one in advance - tv commentators who talk about athletes 'medalling' at the Olympics.

For NakedButNotFamous... people who make sweeping generalisations about whole regions... you're northern so you're poor and nick things, presumably?