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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to be spanked?

133 replies

sexonthebeach · 27/06/2012 21:02

Inspired by '50 shades of grey' thread (although I haven't read the book!) AIBU to have a secret desire to be 'dominated' - but only on a temporary basis (as i am not naturally submissive!). Do any of you have such fantasies? I would hate to be anything other than equal in a partnership but can't help feeling that there is a shortage of 'real men' out there. Then again, if i met one, i expect we wouldn't be compatible......

OP posts:
RandomNumbers · 27/06/2012 21:07

what do you mean by ''real men'' please?

JumpingThroughHoops · 27/06/2012 21:09

can't help feeling that there is a shortage of 'real men' out there

Quite probably. All been completely emasculated by domineering battle axes expecting them to do 50% of the bog cleaning after 14 hours at work, 6 days a week whilst She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, after a hard day MNing and flicking a cursory eye over the offspring complains shes too tired to cook/iron/clean so she can continue MNing that he's late home and not bathing the brats quick enough and whipping up a 3 course dinner for her delight.

Grin
50ShadesOfSaggy · 27/06/2012 21:17

Oh yes! I'm quite a dominant personality usually, but I love the idea of being a submissive in the bedroom. Dp is quite good, just not very inventive!

WhiteWidow · 27/06/2012 21:20

I love it!

dolcelatte · 27/06/2012 21:34

yes please, but only if he is tall, dark, and very handsome!

valiumredhead · 27/06/2012 22:04

And has tousled hair? Bite your lip a lot and say Holy Crap every 5 minutes - apparently this has an amazing effect on men and they just have to spank you there and then!

EchoBitch · 27/06/2012 22:06

I think i would die laughing if DP asked me to spank him.Grin

Latara · 27/06/2012 22:22

Being spanked - i just don't see the actual point though? I mean, it hurts so how is that fun? If a boyfriend tried that on me i'd say, 'oh, you like pain then?' & smack him in the mouth Grin

Viviennemary · 27/06/2012 22:27

What JumpingThroughhoops said. Grin

lovebunny · 27/06/2012 22:29

urgh. but each to her own.

PorkyandBess · 27/06/2012 22:29

When I read the spanking bits in that shit book, I thought, 'I'd just punch that freak in the face if he tried that with me'.

WorraLiberty · 27/06/2012 22:30

Jumping that made me splutter my tea everywhere Grin

50ShadesOfSaggy · 28/06/2012 01:36

See now, I find a little bit of pain with my pleasure definitely enhances the experience!

kittyandthefontanelles · 28/06/2012 01:44

Have you seen 'Secretary'? Ahem

50ShadesOfSaggy · 28/06/2012 01:47

No. What is it?

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 28/06/2012 02:15

Pain and pleasure is something both DP and I enjoy. I don't find it degrading, it's just one of our many sexual preferences.

as far as I am concerned, as long as he isn't pressuring you, it's what you find sexy to and when you say your safe word he stops, what's the harm?

Enjoy! Grin

kittyandthefontanelles · 28/06/2012 07:05

'Secretary' is a beautiful alternative love story about a sub/Dom relationship. Maggie gillenhaal and James spader. One of my favourite films. check it out. YANBU.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 28/06/2012 07:10

Secretary is one of me and DP's favourite films as well. Very tastefully done.

valiumredhead · 28/06/2012 09:13

Secretary is a wonderful film!

catgirl1976 · 28/06/2012 09:26

I live the secretary. Great film. Sexy and beautiful

catgirl1976 · 28/06/2012 09:27

I love it that should say. Stupid phone. I live the odd scene occasionally but not the whole ful every day. Sadly.

ariadne1 · 28/06/2012 09:51

Of course YANBU.I think it's very common!!

catus · 28/06/2012 12:41

YANBU. I enjoy being spanked from time to time, it's quite pleasurable.

JeanBodel · 28/06/2012 13:00

OP, as you have posted this in AIBU I presume you are genuinely seeking views and are not just looking for reassurance that you are normal.

You are normal, of course. It is common. YANBU to want to be spanked. However, if you are at all interested in feminism or women's rights, you may wish to consider the bigger picture.

M/f BDSM, even at its best, does nothing to challenge the patriarchy and everything to support it. At its worst, it actively teaches men (women, boys, girls...) that male violence against women is desired and desirable. I know that you would only indulge in violent acts with a loving partner in a mutually-agreed setting. But anything (adverts, porn, poorly written mainstream 'literature') that advocates M/f violence has the dangerous effect in normalising this violence. Not everyone receives or can understand a relationship which is equal and respectful outside the bedroom, but violent inside it.

You may not subscribe to the view that the personal is political. But you should also consider what M/f violence means to you and your partner. Is there a reason you enjoy this violence? A large proportion of BDSM desires can be traced back to previous events in a person's life. You may wish to look into trauma bonding and trauma re-enactment if you think this is relevant to you. And what will this violence mean to your partner? Will he become (is he already?) a man who is sexually turned on by inflicting pain upon a woman? Do you think this is healthy for anyone?

I know full well the flames of outrage that are about to descend upon me for this post. FWIW, I personally fantasise about being spanked and have enjoyed it in the past. But I know these fantasies are coming from an unhealthy place, and I no longer practice it in my sex life.

bringmesunshine2009 · 28/06/2012 13:27

Go Jean!