Is she selfish to not even CONSIDER moving out?

[WetTheMogwai]

Basically, myself, my cousin, my brother and my dad are due to inherit my grandmas 3rd of her house as soon as all the legal stuff is cleared. My auntie and her husband each own a third of the property which they would've inherited but they sorted it years ago to avoid inheritance tax. It was and still is my grandmas house, that was made clear to them when the agreement was made.

Now, both myself and my cousin have young families and struggle greatly with money, my brother is only 19 but desperately wants to get a deposit together to buy a house and my dad has been forced to retire due to ill health so is now very short of money too.

If my auntie and uncle would move out of the house into one more suitable to them (grandmas house is a huge farm house that could be beautiful with enough money poured into it, unfortunately none of us have it) we could sell the house, and each of us would easily have enough to get a deposit for a house and set ourselves up for a much easier and more comfortable life.

Obviously there's a lot of upset and grieving around and we're trying to tread carefully but she's really not willing to help us at all. She has no idea what this money could do for us all and at the moment were stuck with the promise of 'you can have it when she dies'

Great so I could be 50 before I can get on the property ladder!

Thoughts? Im not expecting miracles, I just want her to have the decency to just think about it and think of others before herself for a change? Is that too much to ask?

Exactly Balloon - my MIL had severe dementia - it was her DS who lived with her that did everything, washed her, fed her, changed her, he did absolutely everything for her and if it hadnt been for him she would have been in a home or we would have had to step up an awful lot more.....actually I dont know how we would have coped.

We will always be glad that he made her last few years more bearable, hence we wont kick him out of his family home.

Giserable WET can you confirm that your Grandmother is no longer alive please? People still seem confused (myself included) as to whether or not your Grandmother is still living.

SERIOUSLY. How rude! This is someone who has been to a funeral of a close relative. You should think about your phrasing! I am just shocked.

That's true. LRD. I did assume that the will couldn't be anything other than a straightforward split with instructions to sell and divide, otherwise the OP wouldn't be posting because they'd know that the will said aunt to live in property for life. I assumed that the issue is that the aunt is refusing to comply with the terms of the will.

Oh, come on, this is daft.

The will will say one way or the other. A lawyer looking at it can say.

This is not an AIBU. It's a legal question.

If the OP is saying 'AIBU to want moral issues to override legality', that's a separate issue and we can all discuss whether or not a couple who are legally entitled to keep a house should instead sell for a 'desperate' 19 year old struggling to get a mortgage, or not.

what flangelina said a while back

OP YANBU

Cross posted hecate - you and I made opposite assumptions (and I see yours is equally valid) but I think the basic point stands: the family needs to comply with the terms of the will. If after that there's a moral issue, it might be considered, but right now it's not even clear what the legal situation is.

"SoleSource Wed 27-Jun-12 15:56:58
Eww I feel a little sick"

reading a thread about a house makes you feel sick???

I dont the OP is being unreasonable actually. She has inherited something, and therefore she is entitled to receive it, and it sounds as if it will make a big difference to her life, so why shouldnt she want to have it as soon as possible?

Actually not really, if the Aunt and Uncle had their share earlier, the will should only mention the share the Granny owned, the 1/3 being split. It wouldn't mention if it was for Aunt and Uncle to live in for life as that didn't belong to the Granny at the point she died.

OP - you might want to avoid it, but you need to go down the legal route if your Aunt refuses to discuss it.

From the sounds of it another problem the op has is that the house needs work to get its true market value. The House value would increase more than the amount spent on it but that can't happen If the U &A just buy them out now

Actually I have re-read the OP and seen I have misunderstood. The Granny has not left 2/3 of the house to the Aunt and Uncle and 1/3 to the OP and the other 3 . . . she gave 2/3 of the house to the Aunt and Uncle several years ago in lieu of their inheritance, to avoid inheritance tax.

Her [the Granny's] remaining 1/3 is split between the OP, her Dad, brother and cousin.

That's actually quite different to how I originally read it (which was as a 2:1 split in the will) and I think the OP should seek legal advice.

LMAO (not maliciously) at the 19 year old "desparate" to get a mortgage ... good lord. He has plenty of time.

It seems likely that Granny would want her daughter to continue living in her (the daughter's) own home and would not want her daughter and son-in-law to have to leave her home because of their mother's death. Presumably she wanted people to benefit at her death not be seriously inconvenienced and have to leave their homes.

I am at a 19yo's deposit being more important than the aunt's long standing home. You should be ashamed, OP.

The OP says she is left with a 'promise' they can inherit when the aunt dies.

This cannot possibly be the legal situation.

She needs to find out exactly what is.

If the aunt legally has to sell or buy out her relatives, that needs to be followed and the 'promise' is neither here nor there.

OP, if probate is still being sorted out, is it fair to assume that your grandmother's death was fairly recent? And that your aunt and uncle were given two thirds of the house because they lived with and cared for your grandmother?

If this is the case, you may well find that it sorts itself out. Your aunt and uncle have lived a particular way, caring for your grandmother. In a large farmhouse they were presumably able to ensure privacy, both for themselves and your grandmother - two sitting rooms, own bathrooms etc. Now, with just the two of them, they may well feel that they are rattling about in a too-big house and WANT to downsize; but, they need some time to realise that. Right now, they're adjusting to the massive change in their lives. They will also be adjusting to a change in their incomes - your grandmother's pension would have formed part of the household income, and a big place is costly to run. The rates are high, it's expensive to heat etc. Now there's just their income to meet these bills. You mentioned that the house "could be beautiful with enough money poured into it" , which suggests to me it might be in some disrepair - maintenance of a big house is expensive too.

Your aunt and uncle may well come round to the idea of moving to a smaller, more manageable home, without any input from anyone else. But right now it's possibly all just a bit raw for them, and they may feel that they can't cope with any other changes right now, over and above the upheaval of your grandmother's death. In the meantime, find out about the legal position and give it a couple of months to raise the subject again.

I'm not suggesting that you do not receive your inheritance, only that you consider the issue from their viewpoint a bit.

I am confused as to why a 19 year old should not be 'allowed' to have a house deposit, what has age got to do with it? She is an adult, isn't she? 19, 29, 59 what is the difference?

Oh pur-lease...

OP consult either the executor of the will, who will clarify your options, or a solicitor.

99.9% of this thread is unhelpful and factually and/or legally inaccurate bollocks.

You have inherited a fourth share in one third of the value of the house? How exactly would this realise enough cash to finance new homes for all four of you, even if your plan for them to move out of their home were to work????
You're deluded (and greedy)

daffy - I didn't see the post you're quoting - which was it?

But, I think the issue isn't that a 19 year old should not have a deposit, but rather that the OP is saying family members are desperate for money and mentioning the 19 year old as part of that, when TBH a 19 year old fancying a mortgage does not sound very 'desperate' compared to people who've lost their mother and are now rather soon thereafter going to lose their house.

There are a lot of people being dim on this thread. It was clear from the original post that granny is dead, and aunt and her husband who own 2/3rd won't discuss moving out. Granny wanted her family to share the money. Questions:

• Did the will state granny's intentions on what should happen on her death e.g. aunt can stay until she dies. A solicitor would have advised to be clear on this point. If it doesn't state aunt can stay, I suspect granny was happy for her to be made to move out but didn't want to explicitly state that.

• Who is the executor? It shouldn't just be the aunt. Whoever is executor should be discussing how to release the money from the house with Aunt.

• what timescales are we talking about? It is reasonable to give Aunt at least a few months to consider her future and a year plus to move I would have thought. YABU if granny died last month, YANBU if it was 2 years ago.

• could Aunt raise a mortgage do you think?

It is interesting that 2/3rds is going to one sibling, 1/3 to the other effectively. Is there a history?

I do think that if this were me, the value of the house would make a difference e.g. worth 500k means everyone walks away with a life changing amount and aunt has enough to buy a decent home outright elsewhere. 80k house, I would be very reluctant to force aunt out (which I think you can do if she can't raise a mortgage) unless she was a cow.

Very, very true (what daffydowndilly says) about it all being a bit raw still. And it will continue to feel that way for quite a good while ... .

To be honest, although I think it's fine to vent on mn, I don't think you can - or should - expect much in the way of a dispassionate discussion about the future of the farmhouse, etc., etc. for a goodly while yet.

Actually, as far as what you can realistically expect, or should expect, I think daffydowndilly has hit the nail on the head.

ooops! That should have been whereyouleftit .

If the OP is saying 'AIBU to want moral issues to override legality', that's a separate issue and we can all discuss whether or not a couple who are legally entitled to keep a house should instead sell for a 'desperate' 19 year old struggling to get a mortgage, or not.

WTF does it matter if she's 19 or 39? Why should the aunt and uncle (continue to) benefit because they are older? Their generation will have had it a damn sight easier than a 19yr old, financially speaking, and should have planned for this inevitability if they didn't want to move.

Actually, the generally patronising judgementalism and ill-informed moralising on this thread is just fucking vile.

LRD it was Sundaegirls (1614).

I just don't see why her 19 year old brother can't use the money towards a deposit. We have no idea about him, he may have been working really hard for the last 3 years. And her father has retired due to ill health and could use the money, is he any more/less deserving? The OP & her cousin both have young familes to look after, should they not be able to provide a stable home for them? Just because they are 'young'.

If the aunt inherited 1/3 early and her husband inherited 1/3 early, rather than bought it, they sound like they have actually done quite well out of this. Since the other 1/3 is split between everyone else.

tarty - surely it matters because arguing a 19 year old might be 'desperate' for a mortgage seems rather poor when it's stacked up against the aunt and uncle keeping their home.

I have no issue with a 19 year old inheriting, and if the 19 year old is entitled they should have the money. But, if the OP is saying that the desperation of her family should outweigh the legal situation, for me, it seems absurd to argue that with reference to a teenager 'needing' a mortgage.

I can totally understand that people often, in practice, distribute an inheritance differently from how it was set out in the will, by passing money over shortly after the terms of the will have been fulfilled. But if the OP is saying that morally, this should be done because of the great need of her side of the family, I'd say IMO, no, she's BU.

I can't tell right now if that is the issue or not.