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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she selfish to not even CONSIDER moving out?

154 replies

WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:04

Basically, myself, my cousin, my brother and my dad are due to inherit my grandmas 3rd of her house as soon as all the legal stuff is cleared. My auntie and her husband each own a third of the property which they would've inherited but they sorted it years ago to avoid inheritance tax. It was and still is my grandmas house, that was made clear to them when the agreement was made.

Now, both myself and my cousin have young families and struggle greatly with money, my brother is only 19 but desperately wants to get a deposit together to buy a house and my dad has been forced to retire due to ill health so is now very short of money too.

If my auntie and uncle would move out of the house into one more suitable to them (grandmas house is a huge farm house that could be beautiful with enough money poured into it, unfortunately none of us have it) we could sell the house, and each of us would easily have enough to get a deposit for a house and set ourselves up for a much easier and more comfortable life.

Obviously there's a lot of upset and grieving around and we're trying to tread carefully but she's really not willing to help us at all. She has no idea what this money could do for us all and at the moment were stuck with the promise of 'you can have it when she dies'

Great so I could be 50 before I can get on the property ladder!

Thoughts? Im not expecting miracles, I just want her to have the decency to just think about it and think of others before herself for a change? Is that too much to ask?

OP posts:
Original poster
WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:21

No no no no, my auntie and uncle live in my grandmas house, before she died it was decided how the house would be shared.

By 'due to inherit' I meant the legal stuff hasn't cleared, the estate is still in probate etc so we can't touch it

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/06/2012 15:21

Oh so she's not dead.

Then you are just vile for picking over the bones then.....what a lovely grandaughter you must be!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/06/2012 15:21

she is dead...am confused now!

It's still horrid tho!

WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 15:22

What? I assumed that your Grandmother was dead. So you actually want not just your aunt and uncle but your own Grandmother to move out of their home just so you don't have to live in a council house?

You don't deserve your generous Grandmother. I'm perfectly happy to be deleted or even banned for this - yours is one of the most selfish, nastiest threads I've read in a long time.

ViviPru · 27/06/2012 15:23

OP can you clarify the following please?

  1. Is your Grandma still alive?
  1. Who is "she"? As in:
"Is she selfish" "she should consider it"
  1. Who actually lives in the house now?
YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 27/06/2012 15:23

OP have your aunt & uncle always lived in this house?

Viviennemary · 27/06/2012 15:23

I think the OP needs to be clearer in explaining the situation. I thought the lawyer in charge of the will would be sorting this out. I am reading from the post that the Grandma has passed away and left a will.

Original poster
WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:23

Fair enough, I won't take it any further

OP posts:
WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 15:23

OK, I'm very sorry. We X posted and I misunderstood, my mistake and I apologise.

I still think that you're very, very unreasonable and utterly selfish and unkind to expect your aunt and uncle to give up their home though. What's that term? Something about someone not yet being cold in their grave?

diddl · 27/06/2012 15:24

Well if Aunt & Uncle own 2 thirds-surely they must buy the remaining third to continue living there?

Or pay rent or something?

Original poster
WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:25

vivi the 'she' is my auntie

Her and my uncle live there now

OP posts:
KD0706 · 27/06/2012 15:26

I'm reading the op as saying granny has just died. And they're waiting on probate/confirmation of the estate.

I don't think you can force auntie to move out. But it might be worth having an initial consultation with a solicitor as I would have thought you can either oblige her and uncle to buy out the remaining 1/3 share of house, or make them pay 1/3 market rent to the rest of you.

I imagine any such steps would be very poor for family relations though.

If granny is still alive yabvu.

CinnyCall · 27/06/2012 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twofurryones · 27/06/2012 15:27

I think the Grandmother is definitely dead.

'She' must be the Aunt who lives in the house, who doesn't want to move out therefore the four people who do not live in the house but who have inherited one third of this are unable to have access to the benefit of this inheritance.

Is that right OP?

WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 15:27

"vivi the 'she' is my auntie"

Hmm

OP, no, "She" is the cat's mother.

purpleroses · 27/06/2012 15:27

You can ask them to buy out your share. Otherwise, I think you can (legally) force them to sell, but best to wait a few months til they've had a chance to get over losing their mother/mil before suggesting it.

Onthebottomwithawomansweekly · 27/06/2012 15:27

OP I think you need to be clearer.

I'n now understanding the situation as your grandma has died but the estate is still in probate?

Your aunt and uncle still live in the house and own 2/3 of it, you own a share in the remaining 1/3?

Then they need to buy you out - if there isn't anything in the will saying that you get your share after they die, then you are technically entitled to your share now. Perhaps there is though, and this is why they are saying you have to wait?

However as your share is owned jointly with others, you will probably need their agreement to get your aunt and uncle to buy you all out. Go easy, this could cause a big family rift (I've seen a couple of these close to, and believe me, the money is NOT worth it).

Original poster
WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:28

diddl that's what I thought, I've heard of people needing to ask permission from the other share orders to continue living in a house.

I know it's comin from a very selfish thought but it's coming from 3 very desperate families

OP posts:
sharklet · 27/06/2012 15:28

I;d watch you don't get written out of the will with an attitude like that. A proportion of it is promised to you WHEN SHE DIES not before, you don't own it and quite honestly if I was your Gran and knew this was your attitude you never would.

My Gran passed away 3 years ago, and my money grabbing cousins, once they realised she was getting a bit wobbly came and STOLE her silver and other precious things she had on the pretext of wanting to get them valued properly. they too had money issues and needed the ready cash. these were her precious treasures, memories and wedding gifts. they had no right. My cousins just figured she did not need them if she was going into a home. she wept for weeks. it was the betrayal that hurt more than anything.

what you are suggesting is no better, I am not sure if your Gran lives in the house or not, but until she dies it is hers to do with as she chooses. stop counting your chickens and get a backbone.

If I were you I would make the best of her when you can, spend time, build memories with her and stop being so bloody hung up on getting your foot on the propertty ladder at someone else's expense.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/06/2012 15:28

I think most things to be said have been said ... but I am really shocked you would be mentioning a 19 year old in the context of a deposit!

Do you realize that most people these days work hard to get deposits together and may not but a house until their 30s, 40s or later - if ever? It smacks of immense entitlement to be 'desperate' for a deposit at his age - he can only have been working full time for (maximum) three years! No wonder your family members do not quite see the urgency.

No doubt you will get what you're entitled to but this seems toughest on your aunt and uncle who have made their home in this house, and presumably have cared for your gran while doing so.

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 27/06/2012 15:29

when did your aunt & uncle move into gmas house & inherit part of it?

Original poster
WetTheMogwai · 27/06/2012 15:29

two that's right

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 27/06/2012 15:29

Why would decent people expect to live in a house part-owned by relatives and not pay them anything in rent or to buy them out?

They wouldn't.

WenTheEternallySurprised · 27/06/2012 15:30

Living in a council house puts you into the category of "very desperate", does it? Hmm

FlangelinaBallerina · 27/06/2012 15:31

As far as I can tell, grandma is dead. Diddl no that's not necessarily the case. Assuming no life interests in the will, the aunt and uncle could simply be allowed to remain there by the owners of the other third. Or the owners of the other third- OP et al- could insist on being bought out of their share. Aunt and uncle could do a variety of things to get the money for this if they want to stay living there (loans, remortgage etc) they wouldn't necessarily have to sell.

If I'm right about the grandma being dead and if, as it looks like, OP and other relatives have the same need for shelter and money then no, she is NBU to wish to realise her share. Aunt and uncle have no right to the remaining third of the house- if grandma had wanted them to have it, she could have left it to them. I sympathise with their desire not to leave their home, but they don't have any moral right to expect to remain in a home that's too big for them without compensating the other beneficiaries.