To have icecream in the freezer? DP says I am addicting dc to sugar

[accessorizequeen]

This is an ongoing saga in our relationship but basically dp has no self control at all so if something's in the house he'll eat it every day. If there's cream for a recipe and I don't use it for a couple of days, it'll be half gone. He's repeatedly asked me over the years to not have anything like that in the house (butter, cream, icecream, choc, crisps, baking anything is tutted at). When it was just us, I think I complied a bit more or we argued about it or I hid stuff I can't really remember.
But we have 4 dc (8, 5, 3yo dts) and most of the time there is stuff around although imo they don't eat much crap and I think (I could be wrong) that they have a fairly good diet with plenty of fruit, veg, wholegrains, protein and I'm happy to provide some snacks/treats. I stopped buying biscuits at dp's request some months ago, as he was eating most of them and he said he'd prefer the kids had better snacks. Now he's asked if he can throw out the (virtually full) 2.5L tub of icecream I had bought to keep for emergency puddings. Because he will eat it all otherwise, and I am not helping him and I don't care about him and I am getting the dc addicted to sugar as he is.
I don't know where to go with this, I'm really angry at him for telling me basically that I don't care about my dc's diet when I do all the grocery shopping and the vast majority of cooking too. I've found it difficult for years that he whinges about me having cream in the fridge to make custard etc, that I can't have a spare pack of biscuits when visitors come but most of all that I feel as though it's up to me to make up for his complete lack of self control. I have a problem with sugar too, I have been on weight watchers for a month and what's letting me down some of the time is wanting choc every day but I'm trying (and succeeding largely) to have a small amount and plan for it. Last night I had a bowl of the delicious iceceam as I'd planned for it. Then this morning he starts on about throwing it out.
We are having problems in our relationship and I'm struggling to feel much for him right now (getting over extended period of depression & anxiety). I'm not trying to hurt him but he sees it that way - I don't care enough to get this stuff out of the house. But he's a 40 year old man, why the hell should I remove everything that I and the kids like a bit of during the week because he can't control himself? He's so bloody weak and will admit he is but I'm fed up with the guilt every time I want to do some baking with the kids! If he had his way, I wouldn't have any pudding at all in the house, how the hell do I do that with 4 dc? Why can't they have pudding some nights? Last night it was jelly, sometimes it's banana and custard, or icecream and sprinkles and I made cake last week which I suspect he's thrown the rest out.
Opinions?

People are fat because sugar is addictive and they can't stop themselves from eating it if it's there. He is trying to avoid unnecessary junk and you are making it difficult for him by having it there. The one way to be skinny is to not buy junk in the first place because few people can have it and resist. You're obviously eating it too if you need WW, you wouldn't need to diet if you kept sugar out.

You both have weight problems and he should be commended for trying to get his under control and for not wanting to pass fat habits to the children.

yabu.

Saying that people are fat because sugar is addictive and they can't help themselves would seem awfully disempowering to those with weight issues. Why bother trying to lose weight if it's out of your control?

There are plenty of people who are fat because they eat too many takeaways or massive portions and the irresistibilty of sugar wouldn't seem to blame there. If sugar's the problem in this case, why hide the butter?

He is more likely to be successful in losing weight if he can change his eating habits for sensible ones rather than say that he can never see a biscuit again or he is doomed to eat the packet. That way disaster lies.

I'm also fascinated to know what the OP's DP does with butter, cream and caster sugar for him to want them banned from the house. Biscuits, cake, chocolate - I can understand how a compulsive eater might binge on those. But surely he can't just launch himself at a half pint of double cream? Or can he?

He does actually eat double cream like no-one's business! He also slathers butter on teacakes or toast. He has agreed that butter and sugar is taking it too far but I stopped having cream 'just in case' when he asked me.
I'm fat because I overate everything on ADs for 2 years. Some people get fat because they are ill and can't exercise.
I would rather see us both be moderate about all foods for our own good and to set an example for the kids but dp clearly had his limits and so do I. We'll try and work within them.
Dp hasn't gone on a diet or done any exercise, just ask me to stop having stuff. Nor does he organise shopping or meals. What is he doing that's so commendable as I'm doing all of that!

Would your DP join WWers with you? Or at least follow the programme alongside you (if he doesn't want to pay extra)?

"Saying that people are fat because sugar is addictive and they can't help themselves would seem awfully disempowering to those with weight issues. Why bother trying to lose weight if it's out of your control?"

On the contrary - people break addictions all the time. Look at the huge numbers of people who have given up smoking. You just need to reframe your eating problem as a simple physical problem that can be overcome.

Much more disempowering to say, "Poor me, I eat because I'm depressed/stressed/unhappy." That's giving yourself an excuse to eat every time you're depressed, stressed, unhappy.

So hackmum, how does one go about reframing the emotional factors in overeating so that they become a simple physical problem?

i dont tend to keep anything like that in my house as puddings are a treat thing for us most of the time we just have fruit for pudding and fruit for snacks because well we all just like fruit.

but YANBU hes how old? and he cant control himself, if you turn your back for 5 mins in tesco would he be munching his way through the freezer pudding section in the blink of an eye? hmmm no im guessing if thats the case he can control himself very well hes just choosing not to at home and trying to hold you responsable for his own personal choices.

fuck him off but give him a icecream sandwich for his journey hes less likly to create a scene that way (harsh i know but sorry im on a men downer at the mo)

cinnabar sadly, I know from Personal experience that over eaters will eat weird stuff. I used to eat sugar with a spoon straight from the bag, and keep going till the bag was empty. I'd put half an inch of butter on slices of bread till the loaf or the butter was gone. I never really went for cream, but one can extrapolate...

If this was a thread about a person with bulimia or anorexia how would the people whom feel better about themselves by calling her DH a baby etc react then. Probably full of sympathy and hugs.

It is both their house equally, so both have a say. Not just OP and not just him. If they can't agree, they have to compromise. Eating those foods mainly when out, or buying small portions at a time seems reasonably.
There are plenty of people who can exercise self control whilst shopping but fund it harder when v hungry or tired later. It's not unusual or "weak".

Oh, poor man. And poor you. But he really does need to take ownership of his problem rather than making it yours.

Perhaps you could promise not to get his trigger foods in provided that the seeks help from his GP and follows through with it.

accessorizequeen I am not attacking I am putting forward my opinion, if you don't agree with the point about labelling food then fine, but no need to get defensive.

I see setting up a food as a treat as setting up an unhappy relationship with a particular food - as you will put treat and happiness together and then when you are sad you will reach for that same treat food to make you happy - but it will not make you happy and so you will eat more of that same food to try harder to make you happy.

Eating disorders are shite there also a full on proper illness, IMHO overeating is not a 'differcult to cure phycological disorder'apart from in a miniscule amount of cases. that's a bit like saying smoking is an illness and I expect the same people who say it is are the ones who use sex adictions to excuse cheating.
In the most part people who eat more than they should just eat more than they should they need to educate themselves about what goes in there mouths given that MOST people eat way more than they really need and think they eat in a healthy way or think they don't eat much are they all Ill ? No they just need to be realistic and honest with themselves and go back to the food is fuel basics it's not a reward it's a thing you need to live, so many people have no concept of what things taste like or how to eat from the perspective of health and choose to eat the way they do. It's a choice

I was thinking about this today, and I keep on visualising the OP like this:

An overweight man, standing by the freezer stuffing his face with ice cream which is marked: "for kids" shouting at his bewildered wife: "This is YOUR fault!"

He is so clearly wrong. It is not YOUR responsibility.