To have icecream in the freezer? DP says I am addicting dc to sugar

[accessorizequeen]

This is an ongoing saga in our relationship but basically dp has no self control at all so if something's in the house he'll eat it every day. If there's cream for a recipe and I don't use it for a couple of days, it'll be half gone. He's repeatedly asked me over the years to not have anything like that in the house (butter, cream, icecream, choc, crisps, baking anything is tutted at). When it was just us, I think I complied a bit more or we argued about it or I hid stuff I can't really remember.
But we have 4 dc (8, 5, 3yo dts) and most of the time there is stuff around although imo they don't eat much crap and I think (I could be wrong) that they have a fairly good diet with plenty of fruit, veg, wholegrains, protein and I'm happy to provide some snacks/treats. I stopped buying biscuits at dp's request some months ago, as he was eating most of them and he said he'd prefer the kids had better snacks. Now he's asked if he can throw out the (virtually full) 2.5L tub of icecream I had bought to keep for emergency puddings. Because he will eat it all otherwise, and I am not helping him and I don't care about him and I am getting the dc addicted to sugar as he is.
I don't know where to go with this, I'm really angry at him for telling me basically that I don't care about my dc's diet when I do all the grocery shopping and the vast majority of cooking too. I've found it difficult for years that he whinges about me having cream in the fridge to make custard etc, that I can't have a spare pack of biscuits when visitors come but most of all that I feel as though it's up to me to make up for his complete lack of self control. I have a problem with sugar too, I have been on weight watchers for a month and what's letting me down some of the time is wanting choc every day but I'm trying (and succeeding largely) to have a small amount and plan for it. Last night I had a bowl of the delicious iceceam as I'd planned for it. Then this morning he starts on about throwing it out.
We are having problems in our relationship and I'm struggling to feel much for him right now (getting over extended period of depression & anxiety). I'm not trying to hurt him but he sees it that way - I don't care enough to get this stuff out of the house. But he's a 40 year old man, why the hell should I remove everything that I and the kids like a bit of during the week because he can't control himself? He's so bloody weak and will admit he is but I'm fed up with the guilt every time I want to do some baking with the kids! If he had his way, I wouldn't have any pudding at all in the house, how the hell do I do that with 4 dc? Why can't they have pudding some nights? Last night it was jelly, sometimes it's banana and custard, or icecream and sprinkles and I made cake last week which I suspect he's thrown the rest out.
Opinions?

Also i think by allowing treats and moderating them has a positive effect on how people see food iyswim,

"Also sweet/high fat foods don't dramatically change people's personalities, decision making skills or body control." Actually I think there is plenty of evidence that high sugar foods do change all these things.

OP I think if I was you I'd be strongly encouraging my dp to get to Overeaters Anonymous, there is support out there. I think it is entirely reasonable if he is seriously struggling with an addiction to limit anything you have in the house that will make it ten times harder for him. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't ever have nice things; nothing wrong with a home baked cake occasionally, or ice cream either. But you don't have to have them in the house all the time.

"your partner has problems with self control and he is greedy"

There is a huge difference between greed and a food addiction. This man sounds like he has a huge problem, it is not greed.

I also don't think hiding treats in the house is a good idea. It's likely to exacerbate his problem, because a lot of food addicts already hide food and eat it almost ritualistically in private, getting a high from this secretive 'naughty' behaviour as much as eating it, plus a huge dose of shame. It locks them into a vicious cycle. And a food addict will get to food wherever it is (I've heard stories of people pouring bleach onto food, putting it in the bin and still getting it out and eating it afterwards)

Your DP really does need to be proactive in finding real solutions to his food issues, not simply avoiding the issues by forcing the whole family to avoid certain foods.
Your DP thinks there is a big risk allowing children to have sugar, fat and treats in their diet. I think that there is much bigger risk that they will learn hugely disordered attitudes to food from your DP, which may manifest themselves as they grow up and away from parental control over what they eat.

@squeaky children do need saturated fat like everyone else. its just we don'tneed asmuch of it as we probably consume

the lack of nutritional awarenss on this thread and the absolutes are all pointers to the wierd attitudes some people have to food.

BTW, from a practical point of view, if you do decide to continue buying food such as ice cream, I would suggest you buy smaller packs. For example, buy a 500ml tub of ice cream instead of a 2500ml tub. Don't "stock up" on multi-buys or huge value packs - that way you are still shopping and eating 'normally' but your DP is exposed to much smaller temptation.

I'm a bit of an addict where food is concerned. So I sympathise up to a point. It is unfair that your kids can't have treats in case he might be tempted to eat them. Why not say buy some treats once a week for the whole family if they agree that is, and let it be a weekend thing. And if somebody wants to save their treats for through the week then that would be theirs as somebody else said labelled as for x.

I don't think keeping large stocks of chocolate, cakes, and crisps in the house is a great idea for families who tend to eat too many of these foods.

He wants to get over himself! It's his own responsibility to control his own cravings. It's silly to expect anything else. And bringing your children into is it just emotional blackmail

Oh gosh I think I'm like your husband. I bought a multipack of crisps (we don't normally eat crisps) and they are nearly all gone. It does feel like an addiction and I've been googling random sites this weekend as whatever I try to do to lose weight fails. I've been watching "the men who made us fat" and I suspect I've lost that ability to feel full. If you offer me nice food I will always want to eat it. If it is in the house and I fancy it I will want it. I have no idea how to develop self control in this area. If I'm home on my own I will eat chocolate that I had put away for someone else....

This isn't good is it? :(

I do know that for now I think I need to keep "moreish" foods out of the house. So I sympathise with your husband to a certain extent in that it is a real genuine problem.

I don't think those who have never struggled with food addiction are aware of how difficult it can be.

Interesting, a good family friend of mine is a pharmacologist; specialises in addicition (opiates).

I asked him outright if sugar was addictive in the same way as narcotics and other drugs and he maintains there is no evidence for this at all.

Failing to be able to control your own response around sweet things that taste good, does not an addicitve substance make.

Comparing sugar to cocaine is insane -really.

EFSA and the German Nutrition Society have both recently done reviews (spring 2012) and there are plenty of previous meta-analyses providing evidence that sugar, per se, is not the problem. It the extra calories you consume from eating too much sugar, that cause the problems.

The biggest problem (and one that is acknowledged) is sugary soft-drinks because they provid extra calories without curbing hunger, and are known to contribute to weight gain.

Will sit back and read the pseudo-science that will spout forth on here I'm sure.

OP, YABU but only because you fail to acknowledge that you DH has a problem, with which he clearly needs help.

Whilst your DP is being unreasonable blaming you, I'm now going to blame you for the fact that I now have an ice cream craving and I'm going to go buy some..... :o

no good evidence

It does sound like you both have some issues with food. Not normal at all for him to be throwing out perfectly good food bought/made for the whole family because he can't 'control himself' around it, but your 'issues with sugar' and 'emergency puddings' (seriously?) sound a bit odd as well.

I don't think food/sugar is 'addictive' as such, but there is clearly some psychological and emotional stuff going on here, and that is your problem, not whether you have a tub of ice cream in the freezer. It's the weird attitudes to food, and seeing their parents arguing over food all the time, that is likely to affect your children more than being allowed to eat the odd biscuit.

Does Weightwatchers address or help you with the emotional side of over-eating at all?

Out of interest is your DP overweight? (or indeed underweight?) Has he always been like this?

ephiny: you might want to read this:

www.guardian.co.uk/business/2012/jun/11/why-our-food-is-making-us-fat

Read the BNF response in the recent issues of their journal to the bad article in the Guardian.

Lustig's opinions have been rejected by many eminent scientists in the field and his article wasn't peer reveiwed either - it was a commentary. Very very different.

We don't even use HFCS that much in the UK either.

We are just eating way too much of everything; carbs, fat...everything.

Too much processed shit and too many calories.

This isn't about nutrition, really it isn't.

It's about a husband who not only has an eating disorder, but also erroneously thinks that surrounding himself with "healthy" food will fix it.

Having ice cream in your freezer isn't the end of the world. Sugar is fine when part of an active lifestyle. Metabolically it's not a lot different to white bread or mashed potatoes but nobody gets antsy about those. As long as those consuming it are adequately active and it isn't consumed to excess then it's much more of a dental concern than a nutritional one.

He's a compulsive overeater and he will need patience and support to get over this. I hope that you can find a way to help him and that your relationship can improve.

Your husband needs to grow a pair. He should take responsibility for his failings and not punish his kids.

And, sorry what? Sugar is like cocaine now? What nonsense! artificial sweeteners are worse than sugar - everything in moderation. Otherwise you raise kids who freak out over food not being healthy enough, or not wanting to eat "bad" foods.

I agree completely with you something

Are there seriously people posting on this thread that believe children should completely avoid a food group? Sweet treats might not be 'necessary' but why should the OP's kids be denied them because of their dad's issues with food? Everyone likes a taste of something sweet after a meal and the OP could do a damn sight worse than a bowl of fucking ice cream!

It does sound like your whole family are addicted to sugar. You with the evening choc and the kids with their snacks and unhealthy sweet puddings each day and guest treats. Your poor sugar levels are going up and down like a yo-yo and potentially this can really effect you health and weight.

Heres a link articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/04/20/sugar-dangers.aspx

Yes your hubby needs to take charge of his own eating habbits I agree. I think it would be helpful if you were to put the crisps/biscuits/cake etc in a secret location though. Why can't you do this one thing to help him? He is trying to give up an addiction. Maybe put the ice cream in a bag at the bottom of the freezer. Hes not asking the earth is he?

Why not go for greek yogurt as a pudding? Or fruit salad? Thre are far more healthy puddings you could provide.

I think YABU. I don't really crave sweet things but I don't ever have them in the house because I think people get into the habit of nibbling sweet things. DD is 18 months and has very little sugar in her diet. What there is comes from the massive amounts of fruit she eats. She has a high fat diet, lots of scrambled egg and lasagna and similar but I really disagree that pudding is a 'normal' part of every meal. DD has fruit with pretty much every meal but no ice cream, biscuits or cake (I don't think she has ever had a biscuit). This is a child who voluntarily eats spinach and broccoli. Coincidence? Maybe but I'm still sure that having ice cream, biscuits and cake in the house all the time won't improve her eating.

My view is that your husband ought to address his own issues with food and lack of self control rather than lay down the law for the whole family.

I think that banning sweet things/puddings is an unwise route to go down and will just make your kids prize sugary snacks more. I say this as someone who was not given puddings at home as a child because my mother was obsessed with us becoming overweight. This stemmed largely from the fact that her sister used to do a lot of home baking and her children were free to raid the cake tin at will (which I think was perhaps the lesson that my mother should have learned) and her children were overweight. I'm not saying that as a kid I was totally denied sugar but puddings were generally a no, no. So much so that I still remember fondly the feeling of going to my Aunts on baking day and all that lovely cake and think of that often when I bake cakes now. I feel that this is a large part of why today, as an adult I am obsessed with puddings/cakes and feel that I "have" to have a pudding everyday.

Isn't there a difference between 'banning' sweet things and just not having them in the house? I just don't have them in the house. If we are out and about, DD eats a bit of whatever is on offer, ice cream included. Just don't make a fuss about it. To DD, tomatoes are a treat.

I keep vanilla icecream in the freezer because it's one of the very, very few sweet treats I don't find tempting (by itself at least). Similarly chocolate digestives - I can take or leave them. Can you find out from your DH if there is a sweet thing or two that he doesn't particularly like that much, and keep that in for your DCs? Works for us.