to move my child to another school because of PJ wearing parents and other things.....

[fiftieslover]

Hi there, your views would be appreciated.

My ds is currently in yr 3 (8 yrs old) he is in a mixed class of years 3 and 4. Since Christmas I have had really serious doubts about the school he is in.

He has asked to move schools a couple of times in the past 6 months and I am seriously considering it. BUT I know at 8 this is a massive change for him. He is a social little boy who makes friends easily and can articulate his thoughts really well. The issues I have with the school are as follows.

1. Parents dropping their children off still wearing their PJs. I not talking lounge wear here, I'm talking fullish sheep adorned pink things. I turn up at school dressed for work, smart and ready for the day.

1. Leading on from 1 is the reason for the PJ wearing. There is a very high number of unemployed parents in the school. I live in a nice part of not a very nice area IYKWIM. Unemployment has always been a problem. I have lived in this area for over 30 years and alot of the children in ds class are 4th and 5th generation unemployed. So I assume the pj wearing is because they have nothing to get ready for? I need to add that sometimes the children are picked up from school at 3pm with said parents still adorning the sheep attire.

I have never been unemployed so struggle to empathise really with the other parents. I work in recruitment and know there are always things you can do to improve your chances but I have never been there so know I dont fully understand the effect unemployment has on you.

1. There are ALOT of kids in the class that are morphing into absolute horrors. The behaviour is getting worse as each school year passes. Once lovely little 4 year olds are now 8 year old swearing, disrespectful kids. My ds went over to one of them the other day to show him his homework. The other kid looked at my ds as if he were stupid and said I dont do homework - I wouldnt dare!.

1. I'm aware this is getting long so going to cut it short. The teachers appear to spend alot of time on discipline - taking actual teaching time away from the good kids.

1. In the past out of 26 kids, there are approximately 8 that behave really well. If the other 18 are playing up, the whole class has been punished. This really annoyed me.

I could go on and I think I have answered my own question seeing it in black and white but would still appreciate your comments.

Thanks fifties x

I'm a primary teacher and find that parents' feelings about a school can have a huge impact on their children's experience of being there. If you feel suspicious of his classmates' parents and worried about discipline in his class, then chances are that he too feels something isn't right. In my experience, it's not worth hanging around if you on some level have made your mind up about moving on. Good luck.

But damsel I do know them to some extent. I stand outside school with them every day. One of the girls friends constantly says I cant believe you're not ready (laughing). She just laughs back and says she can't be arsed, shes only going home and there's no point putting clean clothes on to sit at home all day when she needs to change again for a night out.

"shes only going home and there's no point putting clean clothes on to sit at home all day when she needs to change again for a night out."

She does have a point though you have to admit.

Well you had me fooled, coming across so judgy/sneery I'm surprised you mix/chat/associate with them at all.

Is she the 4th or 5th generation of unemployed?

You are being precious and a bit of a Dick.

Just because kids come from unemployed parents doesn't mean they are horrors, some of the worst people (adults/kids) are those that have an over inflated sense of themselves and constantly look down their noses at people.

Posh kids are terrible for unsavoury behaviour that might spoil your precious baby. My neices go to a very well to do school and the kids are on drugs, drink, teen pregnancies etc. My nephews go to one on a council estate and its amazing.

Thanks all for the responses. Will use a less controversial thread title next time! even if I am being a snob

signing off

The people dropping their kids of in their jarmies, is this affecting your child? No. Put away your snobbery.

I cannot abide PJs in the school playground.

But this is all a load of utter tosh.

I am liking the 'cant be arsed to get dressed in the day, nobody has worked for a hundred years but they all go out in the evening'

Nice touch.

I suppose they spend all day watching a cinema sized plasma whilst sucking on spliffs and laughing at hard working decent folk.

No wonder you dont want your child mixing with their spawn. I would move him double quick time if I were you.

Sorry but to pretend that life isn't generally worse in areas with high unemployment stretching back generations is extremely naive.

I wouldn't send my son to a school like the one described in the OP.

I'd move him if he wanted to be moved due to being miserable. That is enough reason on its own.

I really, desperately want a pet Alot... So cute!

I grew up in a very small town with one primary school so that's where I was sent. About half (or possibly more) of my class lived in council housing/parents were on benefits but I never really thought too much about it. There was some bad behaviour but it didn't rub off on me too much (I did come home and swear at my mum once, I didn't know it was bad! She hit the roof and I never did it again). I enjoyed those years at school on the whole. I moved at the start of year 6 due to my parents divorcing and the new school was different. Fewer kids from families on benefits, more kids from well-to-do families and the rest were from a farming background. This was probably a 'better' school in terms of behaviour but honestly I don't have as many fond memories at all. I was older (10) and even though I was very outgoing, I found it difficult to 'fit in' completely. I wasn't entirely unhappy there but I just never felt like I belonged there. I guess it's different if you're from an area where kids move to/away from a lot.

Anyway, I ended up at a grammar school (I'm from NI), I got AAA in my A Levels and I've just graduated from a Russell Group university with a 2:1 so I don't think my primary school experience hindered me too much in life. In fact, I think it gave me a slightly different perspective which is always good.

If I were the OP I'd try to loosen up a bit about the PJ thing and unless the child is being bullied or struggling to learn, I wouldn't move him. I'd focus on getting him in to the best secondary school possible though when the time comes because from my experience, it has a greater impact.

Define "generally worse" threeleftfeet?

There might be higher instances of drug abuse, or lower levels of education and living standards. BUT that doesn't affect every child, and it doesn't follow that every child from a less affluent home is somehow going to corrupt those darling little ones from the "nice part of town".

When I went to a rough primary school, it was often the well-off kids who were the hell-raisers, because their parents always shoved the blame onto the "poor" kids, thinking their children could do no wrong.

"I suppose they spend all day watching a cinema sized plasma whilst sucking on spliffs and laughing at hard working decent folk"

That sums up all but one neighbour in the street that i live in.

My DD went,very briefly to a local catchment school, then moved to one further away. The behaviour that i didn't want her picking up cannot be excused by being 'poor', 'marginalised' or 'disadvantaged' and i feel for the kids of these parents, in the schools that cannot counteract how they are shown to live, they don't stand a chance.

My DP comes from a disenfranchised council estate. He's done well for himself. I think mega rich is the term. Thank fuck he's not lost his common touch and join the Prads uniformed twats.

Prada uniformed..

Oooh - I've walked the entire 50 yards of my school run in a big coat over my PJs and my son is articulate, polite and a general joy. I am employed but I'm just short of time and as I'm so close and if really running late I can stick a big coat over PJs - who am I meant to be impressing at the school?

What utter rubbish birds how the bloody hell do you know what they are doing all day unless you are staring at them through the window? How do you know they are laughing at hard working decent folk and who the hell are you to define who is decent.

Bollocks.

My little ones go to a nursery frequented by the chattering classes in this area. The rudeness of the children is astounding. I was left open mouthed by one of them last week. Now there is a child whose 'hard working, decent family' dont know how to teach a child manners.

Cant wait till they start school and start mixing with some better bought up children. Even if they are dropped off in PJ wearing mothers

applauds Mrs De Vere.

Birds, you say that behaviour can't be excused by being poor? I'd say that behaviour isn't defined by being poor.

As for the classic benefit cheat myth of them all sitting at home with flat screen TVs - do you know how people on low incomes afford to buy new stuff? Bright House and Catalogues. That's how. They're racking up debt to give their kids what they think they need, buying things on the never never with a massive rate of interest. And what happens? Sneering middle class twits suggest that merely owning such items whilst being on benefits is tantamount to theft. Lovely.

I live in the area that i grew up in.

I moved away for over a decade. There was the poverty then that there isn't now.

There also wasn't the shootings (4 this week), the drugs, the stabbings (literally nightly) and the other anti social behaviour.

There wasn't the lads on the corners with the dogs trained to be used as weapons, the illegal motor/quad bikes (one under 16 killed each season). One lad is kicked to death at least every six months because of drug/theft arguements and i am sick of splitting up fighting girls.

We have just had a well publised death through drink spiking, my DD has been spiked, this happens in schools. Kids sell drugs in schools, everyone ws terrified over the 'pink M' pills, they were manufactured and on the streets, in my city (Liverpool).

Some areas have real social problems and these are taken into the school and effect everyone.

"Birds, you say that behaviour can't be excused by being poor? I'd say that behaviour isn't defined by being poor. "

I said that because it was used as a reason, it isn't for some behaviour.

"What utter rubbish birds how the bloody hell do you know what they are doing all day unless you are staring at them through the window"

I grew up with most of them, i speak to them, they tell me straight that i'm 'a dickhead' for going to work.

Yes they do have social problems but living in an area with social problems does not mean you are part of them.
There are thousands of pefectly decent people living in crap holes.

Jesus this is like going back to the bloody 40s when you couldnt get a job if you had a certain address.

If you lived in the Campbell Bunk in Holloway you couldnt get employed, however nice you were. I am pretty sure this was the case all over the county.

I see that is how some people still think. Tainted by the stench of a council estate or the wrong postcode.

I don't like the generalisations in this topic.

My mum used to drop me and my brother off at primary school, sometimes in her PJs. Now some of you might Have looked at her sneeringly, expecting her to go cash her giro in and smoke a spiff whilst watching this cinema sized telly that's been mentioned.
But no, she'd go home and look after my other younger brother. Who shouldn't have even been alive because doctors said his lungs weren't growing when he was in the womb. his dad (my stepdad, brought me up since I was 2) worked 3 jobs just so she could be a stay at home mum for us.

We were polite and pleasant kids, even though I do say so myself.

So a lot of the judgemental folk in this thread might do well to think about things a bit more before they make important decisions based on the looks of other people

Don't worry about whether or not people think you're "snobby". (Very predictable response from mumsnet, btw)

Poor discipline and low expectations are the big worries, PJs are just a symptom of a bigger mailaise.

Move and igore "snobby" crap..

Birds.

"I moved away for over a decade. There was the poverty then that there isn't now."

Stats please? I think it's generally accepted that we are in the middle of the worst recession since the 1930s. Government cuts are affecting more families than ever. I would be very surprised if that didn't convert into more children being raised in poverty.