to think that gender selection should be legalised in the uk?

[ChocolateBiscuitCake]

I have three glorious boys. I would love to have a girl as well.

I really don't understand why PGD for gender selection is illegal in the UK. I completely accept that it should not be funded through the nhs, but can not see why couples can not pay privately.

You are not choosing eye colour etc, simply the gender of your child to balance your family dynamic.

If ivf couples are allowed to pick/choose/freeze embryos, why is PGD illegal?

Aibu to think that it should be legal in this country? I would not be trying to create a 'superior race', just balance our family with a girl - a daughter for me and DH and a sister for my sons.

i don't get this balanced family bit either - is balanced a child of each sex? so what happens if you have 3 children are all 3 children families unbalanced and therefore only even numbers of equal sexes allowed?

Fullofregrets Sorry but if that was true surely i wouldn't be asked on a regular basis when I'm "going for my boy" (all girls here)? I was told only this morning that boys are so much more cuddly than girls.

I agree entirely CailinDana-living life through their DC. The sort of person who wants to order the sex is better off without-you can be sure that they will have very set ideas about the DC, what it will wear, how it will act, what it will like and how it will get on with mother!

I can see an argument for it. prepares for imminent flaming

I can certainly see why it would leave a bad taste it the mouth but I honestly don't see why a person preferring to have a girl and a boy rather than two girls is unfit to parent.

Yes every child is an individual but we have to accept that gender is important. It is pretty much the first thing people ask when you have a baby.

I think its shallow and hateful to genger select jst cos you want a girl.

My dh had MD which is x linked. So my son is fine but my dd is a carrier. When she has children the girl will be a carrier and the boy will have a 50% chance of having a life shortening confition.

I chose to have my children knowing this cos im not god and i dont have the right to chose her path. She could br gay, abopt or be a stepmum or have only girls.

I see no reason to select gender.

Good point Katz. My family is clearly woefully "unbalanced". My poor daughters. How will they cope?

Yes, but this was my first boy. My first child. I get that people with more than one of the same gender get asked if they'd like a boy / girl.

But there is a very definite anti boy undertone in society.

I don't get 'gender disappointment'. When I was pregnant, I was sure the baby was a girl. 100% positive it was a girl, it just felt like a girl. Had the 20 week scan, and lo and behold, the baby was a boy. I was shocked, but not at all disappointed. I suupose when you are pregnant, you have all these images and ideas about what it will be like, and I just had to alter those a bit. (As it turns out, the reality of having a baby is nothing like the things I imagined, but that is a seperate topic.) But it wasn't altering them in a negative way, iyswim?

Babies are all so different, they're their own little people, with their own personalities from birth. This really is one of those situations where you get what you are given. It makes me really sad that people could be really upset or disappointed about the sex of their baby.

There are lots of older children available for adoption-if it is really important then you could go down that route rather than bring more into the world.

supergah I agree with you too. Gender selection is an awful idea. There are thousands of couples who can't have children. Some people just need to be greatful for what they have.

Luckily I don't think that it will happen in UK.

Goose - mines is too because i have 2DD's although it feels very balanced to me. In a similar vein should all single child families be made or given a second child of the opposite sex to 'balance' things up.

Fullofregrets, sorry but that is utter nonsense! Anecdote is not evidencebut I know my son was hailed like the new Messiah as is every child born in my family, boy or girl (and they are mainly boys). I have never experienced anyone favouring a girl, or even commenting as such, all I know is that all new babies are celebrated. I cant help thinking your own views are prejudicing what you are seeing, as I have never experienced any such bias. And FWIW I was convinced I was having a girl, and am so glad now I have a boy, what I really wouldnt have cared either way. Its a BABY and that sis all that matters.

Most mums of boys, even those without a personal gender preference, will tell you the same.

glasto my child actually is the new Messiah according to his Grandparents. He was born on Christmas Day and everything.

There is much less excitement when someone announces a boy pregnancy or birth than a girl

Well they're fucking idiots then, aren't they.

The whole idea of picking and choosing a baby's sex for reasons of vanity (and tbh anything other than a compelling medical reason, is vanity) is utterly and completely morally repugnant.

You are not choosing eye colour etc, simply the gender of your child

"Simply" their gender. Really? Really ?

The 'correct' gender balance (i.e. where there is no active gender selection) is 105 boys for every 100 girls born. This is because boys are more likely not to survive early infancy than girls and thus the slight imbalance evens out the figures later on.

Both India and China are now seeing huge imbalances in gender due to aborting to select for boys. Have a look here for some uncomfortable reading.

A higher ratio of males has been demonstrated in several studies to lead to more violence, and violent crimes against women.

For those reasons alone, apart from the trauma inflicted on unwanted girls, I'm afraid I am in the YABU camp.

People have lower expectations of boys.
It is not a good thing.

Of course people want to know the gender of a new baby, it's the only distinctive thing about them apart from their name, which people are also keen to know. Thing is knowing the gender of a newborn tells you next to nothing about they're going to be like when they're older which is why gender selection makes no sense to me. The fact that some parents want one gender over another says to me that they have very fixed ideas about what a girl or a boy is going to be like which bodes very badly for that poor child who will more than likely fail to meet expectations on some level. I think it's totally normal to think "Ooh I'd love a girl" but if you're fixated on one gender to the point where you'd go through invasive medical procedures to ensure you had that gender then I think you should seriously reconsider being a parent, because you've missed the point of it.

What if your "correctly gendered" child had a disability? What would happen then?

If ivf couples are allowed to pick/choose/freeze embryos, why is PGD illegal?

ivf couples are not allowed to pick and choose. They have treatment. They are told how many embryos are viable and the doctors chose 2 to implant (usually). And they have no idea if they are boys or girls.

They freeze the remaining embryos in case the parents want further children.

fullofregrets - your experience is different to mine, when i was pregnant with my first i got lots of bet your hoping for a boy. I think people just make conversation when you're expecting. I don't think there is a societal preference for one gender over the other.

Pedantic note; you aren't chosing the gender of your baby. You're chosing their sex.

fullofregrets, who are these people who have lower expectations of boys? Because I have certainly never met one.

well excepting yourself perhaps.

I have a boy and I have never encountered any negativity about it. In fact my MIL is very very negative about girls, so much so that I had actually said to her one day "Well I hope I never have a girl if that's your attitude MIL." That finally shut her up.