to think that gender selection should be legalised in the uk?

[ChocolateBiscuitCake]

I have three glorious boys. I would love to have a girl as well.

I really don't understand why PGD for gender selection is illegal in the UK. I completely accept that it should not be funded through the nhs, but can not see why couples can not pay privately.

You are not choosing eye colour etc, simply the gender of your child to balance your family dynamic.

If ivf couples are allowed to pick/choose/freeze embryos, why is PGD illegal?

Aibu to think that it should be legal in this country? I would not be trying to create a 'superior race', just balance our family with a girl - a daughter for me and DH and a sister for my sons.

I have one glorious boy and then was never blessed with another. If I had been lucky enough I wouldnt have given two hoots. I love my darling boy so a boy would have been fine, a girl equally loved.

gender selection for anything other than medical needs leaves a bad taste IMO

I want him now he's here though.
He will never know I felt like that. No child could be more loved.

I think that it is the most dreadful idea. We are so used to choice-you are bringing a human being into the world-and not buying a handbag! It is fantastic that a baby is a gift that you are honoured to nurture for a short time and not something that you turn down as 'sorry I'd rather have the opposite sex'!
It doesn't matter that you would like to parent sons and daughters-it is about the child and not you. There are lots of DCs needing good homes-you can adopt or foster if it is that important. I have 3 sons and I dare say that if I had another it would turn out to be a boy.

Oh and by the way they are all great individuals and DH was and is happy to have 3DDs and not a son.

So if gender selection was available op, after having 2 of your boys, would you have stopped conceiving naturally and chosen a daughter?

Just think of what you would have missed out on

Chocolate - i think you're naive to think that only second time parents would want to select the sex of their child.

I think the thing I can't get over is that people would choose IVF over conceiving naturally all to get a 'boy' or 'girl'. Like there is one type of 'boy' or 'girl'

I have two girls and really didn't mind in either pregnancy the sex of my babies. They are so different personality wise and their sex is almost irrelevant, they are just DC1 and DC2.

It really annoys me that people think that they ought to have a choice because it is 'WHAT THEY WANT'.

fullofregrets :( My friend has just found out she is having a boy and is the same as you. In fact she put on face book 'ewwww it has a skanky penis' As a Mum of 2 fantastic boys I am torn between being devastated that she hates boys that much, and trying to understand and support her (she actually never really wanted children)

When my SIL found out she was expecting her 3rd son, she said 'I don't want another boy, oh well, there's always next time' I hope her DS never finds out she said it, as every child is a blessing.

I would love a girl one day. Actually I would love another baby full stop. but still don't agree with gender selection.

my MIL had four boys and was a bit disappointed not to have had a girl, roll forward 40 years and she's got 6 grandaughters (and 3 grandsons) and loves it :)

I don't think you're wrong to want a child of a specific gender. After 2 dds we tried natural gender selection techniques when ttc #3 (another girl) and #4 (boy). We would have been happy with a child of either gender and were stopping at 4 even if it was dd4.

YABU, IMO - the conscious creation of a human life should be carried out with the knowledge that the child will be treasured, no matter what their sex. What would happen if your gender selection went 'wrong' and you had a boy? How would you feel about that child? How would that child feel?

Children are not items to be chosen from a shelf in a 'colour' to suit your personal preference. They are unique individuals who may or may not possess the characteristics that I assume you are wanting in your chosen gender.

I do understand your feelings but I'm afraid I don't think the law should be changed to accommodate them.

Also - surely when making ethical decisions about medical law we as a society must strive to take the 'moral high ground'?

I don't really agree with this. How does it work? Do you abort a perfectly healthy baby because it's a boy?

I have 2 sons and have just had a daughter. We decided to give the Shettles method a try. We didn't mind if we had a boy or a girl so thought we had nothing to lose.

I do think it would cause a gender imbalance. Most threads on MN about the gender is about someone finding out they are having a boy.

I also don't get the whole I don't want to be a MIL thing. Do you not realise that when your child gets married you become a MIL? I am a woman and my mother is a MIL to my DH.

I disagree and I think 'gender disappointment' is the biggest load of 'me-me-me' self centred bullshit 'condition' I have ever heard.

I don't think people who 'suffer' from it should have bothered having children in the first place.

And I know I will be flamed alive for that.

YANBU

I always had a gender preference for girls. If I hadn't had daughters and it had been available I would have had PGD to have a girl.

Before anyone asks I don't view boys and girls as identical except for their genitals. Happy for all you who believe gender is totally a social construct.

Lots of reasons why. No I wouldn't be disappointed in a tomboy

If people are fussy about the gender perhaps they should question whether they are cut out to be parents.

I have three girls. I love having three girls. I would have loved to have a boy but I wouldn't gender select. It feels wrong to me. Justifiable for serious hereditary conditions affecting only one sex but purely for parental choice? Sorry that's a step to far for me.

No flaming here supergah.

Why would it cause a gender imbalance? Surely most people opting to pay for this service would already have 1+ children of the opposite gender

ChocolateBiscuitCake, as I already said, in parts of the world where strong gender preference is experienced by parents, the parents acting on that preference (through abortion, selection, abandonment or infanticide) leads to gender imbalance in the population.

I don't know how it would work in the UK, but wherever there's a strong preference that people act on, it leads to terrible social effects (not to mention terrible things done in order to enforce their preference).

And I don't agree that it's inevitable most people in the UK would use it to balance their family to a child of either sex. The OP wants to balance her family, one other poster said she never wanted any boys. I think generally if this were allowed society would end up exhibiting a preference for a particular gender (probably with wider horrible discriminatory consequences).

And I don't see how taking a moral stance on this is 'out of touch'. I do however think it's unbelievably blinkered and selfish to dismiss the numerous social and moral considerations in favour of your personal desires on the matter.

The west strongly prefers girls? WTF? No-one told me this.

And whats all this about 'balancing' your family? I have no idea what that means, but then I have one son, so must be unbalanced I guess.

I strongly disagree with this, unless for medical reasons. Look at India and China to see why.

I don't think that we should be able to pick.

I think that having a child is a privilege, not a right and we should feel lucky with what we get. However, it's easy for me to say as I was never bothered what sex I ended up with. I understand that some people do have a preference and suffer from gender disappointment so I'm thankful that I don't know what that feels like.

There is much less excitement when someone announces a boy pregnancy or birth than a girl.

It's true. Honestly. You can see it on babycentre and Facebook.
My friend had a boy around a year ago, lots of congratulations were posted, this time she has just had a girl. Lots more comments about how perfect, beautiful, girls are so special etc rather than just congratulations.
I have had many negatives said to me, by other women, about my son. It started with the midwives before he was even born.

supergah No flaming at all! I totally agree. If someone really hates the idea of having one sex then, IMO, they don't deserve to be parents.

Supergah I think you should be put on the list for an urgent empathy transplant.

supergah, no flaming from me either.

I am not flaming you alive supergah-I agree. It is all 'me,me,me.' Probably someone who is used to ordering life the way they like, so it is great that this is one thing that can't be ordered.It is only a short step then to ordering the sort of girl they want! (probably one that they see as being mum's best friend!)

I totally agree with you supergah, totally. I often think, especially reading MN, that some parents see children as a way of fulfilling their own dreams rather than as separate individuals with their own lives and dreams. If people start dictating what their child will be like before it is even born then it will just reinforce that self-centred hateful idea.