to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

viva why should he have had to say hello to the strange child to get it to go away?

He could have stared with silent menace and given it a chinese burn. That would have done the trick and something which most reasonable people surely would regard as no more than the OP and her strange child deserved.

I hope that's grape juice,Mama. I don't drink.

What exactly did you mean though? I'm not annoyed now,just genuinely curious.

Speaking for my children, they learn at home.

Getting up from the table at meal times means you have finished your meal. Wandering around with a drink etc is not on. Even my 1 year old knows that when she has her drink, she must sit down. We all, including the baby, eat together, thats how she will learn. So I know that when she is past highchair stage, she will sit at a table and not keeping running off.

I agree with Bogeyface. Mine have never been allowed to wander around places where people are trying to eat / drink. Surely not getting down from the table until you have finished isn't that unusual ? I thought it was normal behaviour. In a cafe / public space, once a child is down from the table, then it's time to toddle off to the next place IME.

I meant it as a joke but the idea that children need to learn early on that poeple aren't necessarily interested in them rankled a bit - I mean we all learn it soon enough.

It was off the cuff, I thought I'd be pulled up on the 'joyless' tbh .

It is quite old grape juice.... [tea] ?

I mean

So I know that when she is past highchair stage, she will sit at a table and not keeping running off.

HAAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can't wait until she's 18 months. But then presumably, you won't go out for 12 months then until she learns to sit down and not wander off. Ever.

Last week I was out with DS who is 2, we stopped for a cake and drink. Another child of a similar age was wandering free and tried to take the cake from DS plate. I was accused of being rude by his mum when I asked him to stop and go back to his mum. His mum failed to see she should have been making the effort to entertain her own son rather than letting him annoy others.

It isn't hard to prepare yourself to keep a child entertained when you are out, children certainly don't learn how to behave in these places if they are allowed to "mingle' and generally annoy others.

Thankyou.My curiosity is satisfied now. And tea is fine.Just enough milk so that you can no longer see the bottom of the cup.

Mary's - DS has tried to run off once, he wasn't allowed to. It's not that hard to learn to control your own children.

Well, who ever thought of the REVOLUTIONARY idea of children sitting down with you to eat around the table at home?

Of course, any toddler kicking off in a restaurant clearly hasn't had the benefit of this REVOLUTIONARY parenting idea. RIGHT.

Maryz - My other 5 children were fine with this, so I dont doubt that she will be too :)

Marys not Maryz

Never had a problem with my kids wandering off. They sher taught to sit at a table,

Toddlers kick off in restaurant, it's up to the parents to take responsibility and deal with it in such a way that others are disturbed by it. Letting a child roam the place certainly isn't how you should deal with it

YANBU to have, in the circumstances you describe (in a quiet upstairs part of a restaurant where you had full view of any adults walking around with hot drinks) to allow your two year old to have a bit of a wander. I'm sure you're probably talking about seconds or a minute or two, not hours of wandering round. I have a two year old DS, on occasion, he walks around after he has eaten around, usually not for very long at all, with me wandering after him thinking "right it's time to leave." He sometimes speaks to strangers (I usually steer him away with a smile actually - though thinking about it, I don't remember ever having any negative reaction to him.) My DD tended to stay glued to my side when she was little, so it's a bit of a novelty for me!

I think an adult should generally be able to deal with a small toddler saying "hello" without being rude. (Even if a strained smile with no interaction if you don't want to be bothered).

However YABU if you don't expect some grumpy git to be rude to said wandering toddlers on occasion!! As is obvious here, some people don't want small children going anywhere near them in public. That's just life sadly. I wouldn't get too het up, just feel sorry for him, he's probably stressed up to his eyeballs with work poor bloke.

And I am afraid that as eating together does seem to be unusual these days, I would say that no, they probably havent had the benefit of that.

Sirzy GOD how awful for you. But the feeling of superiority must have been worth it, eh?

Why be so bitchy to Sirzy Marys?

Touched a nerve maybe?

No superiority, just frustration at parents like you who don't want to teach their children basics of how to behave when in public.

And I am afraid that as eating together does seem to be unusual these days, I would say that no, they probably havent had the benefit of that.

And judgement seems to be valued over compassion, friendliness, understanding and sociability on these boards, at any rate. A one off snapshot of someone's life leads you to judge the whole of it. Clearly, if they are brought up the right way toddlers never misbehave. No, not ever. And they learn all the social niceties they will ever need by the age of two. Just so as they won't inconvenience a stranger for half a second.

I see the smugs are out in force again

YABU I can't stand it when people let their children wander about restaurants/coffee shops.

It does my head in!

My children sit in their seats, even my unruly two year old does. Not only are there safety implications but sometimes people want to enjoy their meal or coffee without a little face peering at them.

He could have stared with silent menace and given it a chinese burn

and punched the OP in the tits to be extra clear!

I don't think that was bitchy "Marys" - isn't inferring that nerves have been touched a bit rude too?

I agree with Sirzy, not smug at all. Different parenting styles are allowed you know.