to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

Sorry Princess, that was Mama's comment. Anyway it was certainly implied that I'm a child hater.

I didn't imply it - I'm sorry if you thought my remark indicated I thought you were a child hater. Really, no offence meant...

Right, wine!

What exactly did that comment mean then?

He shouldn't have been rude but 2 year olds shouldn't be allowed to wander and annoy other people 'mingle'

I have a 2 year old but someone else's 2 year old wandering unaccompanied to my table would still annoy me

It wouldnt of hurt him to say hello back.

I'm going to be a bit judgy here but you are (tries not to say the words rod for own back) going to get yourself into a spot of bother if you encourage and allow your child to just randomly get off his arse in public eating places. going to a restaurant will be a nightmare for you.
Just sayin like...

"The OP should not have allowed her child to wander, it's dangerous where hot drinks are." I don't know how hot your coffee shops make coffee but mine are luke warm at best. My problem is more with adults pushing past to join friends (who avoided the queue to bag a free table) with dozens of shopping bags bumping into everyone they pass.

A small child saying hello is hardly ranking high on a scale of public misbehaviour.

I was in Starbucks today. Left my 11yo at a table while I got drinks. Came back to find her silently freaking because a random baby had crawled over to herald was trying to get her jibbitz out her crocs. Parents were halfway across the shop. Now to be honest I don't mind cute babies or toddlers and thought it was funny. However I'd never have let dd do something like that as I know other people don't like other peoples kids.

While I don't think the Op should allow her child to wander around and interrupt strangers, I also think it wouldn't have harmed the man to say hello. He could also have then said to the OP something along the lines of 'sorry, don't mean to be rude, but I am really busy.' Then the OP could have removed her child - no harm done.

I think he was rude and that two years old is too young to learn that the world is full of grumpy buggers!

I suspect that anyone who encourages their toddler to 'mingle' is not likely to take them away unless you are quite rude.

Well, I think it's best to err on the side of politeness first, don't you?

That's the problem with a lot of people. They go in RUDELY with all guns blazing, assuming they will get a rude response. Which is of course, what they will get, as they have been rude in the first place, even if their cause is justified.

And some people don't like children. I think that's absolutely fair enough.

I don't. I think it's as antisocial and unacceptable not to like children as it is not to like people from Poland or women. People who say they don't like children really need to seriously have a word with themselves. And even if they don't like children, it isn't acceptable to be rude to them!

I don't like it when people have poor personal hygiene, but I don't say "Fuck off, you stink!"

What's a Jibbitz? I'm too lazy to Google it.

Anyway, a two year old is just learning about how to behave, that generally you do sit down in a coffee shop and don't wander off to talk to people. Whilst they are amidst this learning process, I would expect a fair bit of wandering off!

And it's up to the parents to not allow them to wander off. Other people
Don't want to have to entertain a strange child - is that really a problem?

Well spotted cherry, I am indeed easily amused.

Look how funny I'm finding your outrage.

All the people who think he is justified, if ever you are out and about and you say "Hello!" to me, I shall tell you to stop interrupting my life which you have taken up 0.568 seconds of, for I have no wish to "entertain" a strange adult.

So now we all have to like children or risk being called ...what? Agist?!

How completely fucking ridiculous.

To all those saying that is unacceptable to be rude to a child just because they are a child and that children are people too, part of of the GP eetc etc. I totally agree, they should be treated like everyone else aslong as they act like everyone else

A child who sits in its seat, eats and drinks without disturbing other people and generally behaves in an acceptable way is far more likely to get a smile and a chat from me than an unsupervised child "mingling" which to my knowledge, no adult does in a coffee shop.

You want them treated like equals? Make sure they behave like the rest of us (including my children, who manage to get through a meal without needing to have a wander).

E certainly could have been nicer. If he'd said "hello" back and then gone back to his laptop the chances are the toddler would have left him alone.

Whilst they are amidst this learning process, I would expect a fair bit of wandering off!

ANd I would expect them to not be taken somewhere where their wandering off could be a problem until they have it nailed.

Just wondering what's a fit penalty for allowing a strange child to wilfully alarm, harass and distress an adult in a warm beverage establishment?

If a person I don't know attempts to strike up a converation with me in a coffee bar or pub, I don't feel under any compulsion to encourage them if I don't want to.

Who does?

I might be a bit more polite to a young child, while still being discouraging.

Jibbitz are little things that plug in the holes of your crocs, all different designs. Dd has hello kitty ones.

ANd I would expect them to not be taken somewhere where their wandering off could be a problem until they have it nailed.

How would they learn if they never get a chance to learn ?

YABU.

He didn't say he wanted to work in silence.
He didn't come over and ask your child to stop making a noise.
All he did was indicate - wquite politely if you have quoted him directly - that he didn't want, at that time to interact with some stranger's toddler.
Absolutely fair enough as far as I can see. More surprised you think it's fine for a toddler to be wondering around a cafe annoying people in the first place.

ANd I would expect them to not be taken somewhere where their wandering off could be a problem until they have it nailed.

I appreciate some of you are still working on your social skills. You are still learning, that's fine. This thread and others will help you practice. I recommend you don't go out where other people, or God forbid, CHILDREN are present, until you have it nailed.

Cherry I didn't say you were a child hater have a

Thankyou Viva.