to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

Princess,I love kids actually. I'm likely to talk to the OP's toddler,before he approached me,I posted about this earlier,but I don't expect everyone to feel the same way.

He does sound charmless doesn't he limitedp ? Imagine if everyone was like that!

Kids, especially toddlers should not be wandering around in a coffee shop. YABU.

You're easily amused,Limitedperiod.

I can't stand it when people want to make public areas - train carriages, coffee shops - an extension of their offices. I've often been stuck on a train, party to a business meeting going on at the same table, complete with lots of posturing and loud phone calls. I hate it. Sometimes, I've been sat next to someone making such a stressy, involved work call that I can feel my blood pressure rising! I'm not saying that nobody should occasionally work out of coffee shops or on trains, but why the hell should they expect everyone else to maintain an office environment. Coffee shops are not pubs: they are not intended to be age-specific, and they're for everyone. Why should a woman with a small child only be allowed in there on suffrance? And why on earth should some miserable git think that a small child saying 'hello' is unreasonable? If he's that bothered about 'concentrating' perhaps he should be at home, or in his office.

YABU. I love kids. I have a couple. I work with them. Which is exactly why I don't want to be expected to entertain anyone else's if I'm in a coffee shop on my own.

If I just wandered up to your table and stood there staring at you for a couple of minutes before saying hello, you would find it distracting, and probably rude and annoying. So don't let your toddler do it to me.

The OP should not have allowed her child to wander, it's dangerous where hot drinks are.

Most of the time I'm happy to interact with other people but sometimes I just want peace and quiet for half an hour, which I'm entitled to without being interrupted by a stranger, be they child or adult. Maybe this man had had an hectic morning with his own children and wanted the same. Maybe he was doing something that needed his concentration, there's a big difference between background noise and being interrupted, when it comes to doing something that needs your full attention.

As I said earlier, I'm happy to interact with others most of the time but I do reserve the right to not interact when I wish to be left alone, wherever I may be.

He was a misery and rude.

He could have said "Hello, how are you?" and smiled and then carried on working. You would have got the hint and called child back.

Cherry, I am sure you do.

He is entitled not to like children, there is no law to say he has to, I just think he was unnecessarily rude to the OP. Lets hope it was just a bad day.

Personally I really do not want to interact with OPC when I am out and having a coffee. When it (rarely) happens it means my children are being cared for elsewhere, which means I can sip, nibble and read at my leisure.

I don't think the man was U at all. He did not want to interact, said so and continued doing his thing. And the problem is?

In fact I hate children so much that I signed up as a playgroup volunteer last week because it'll provide me with more time and more opportunities to express just how much I detest them.

I do think he could have been a little more polite,and perhaps said hello,but I don't think he was rude as such.

GSOH

Whoah Cherry! I said I am sure you do love kids.

That's not my point, I was just saying it's irrelevant if he loves or hates kids, he just doesn't need to be rude about it.

The toddler wasn't being rude, he just said "hello" to someone in a coffee shop... and the problem is???

Sue me if I don't find it amusing that I'm being called a child hater,when I'm certainly not.

Did someone call you a child hater??? I missed it, sorry.
This thread has got out of hand, it really isn't the end of the world either way.

I used to live in a country where people chatted away every small child. However it was also quite common for complete strangers to tell you your child was dressed incorrectly, wasn't speaking properly, shouldn't be eating that and where was your husband and why weren't you at home cooking dinner instead of sitting in a cafe?

I also once got told I was RUDE when sitting in the doctor's waiting room because I wouldn't chat to this male. I had just found out I had raised pressure in an artery and needed an angiogram.
This guy could have had any amount of bad news/ bad day. perhaps he just wanted five minutes to clear his head and read his emails. I work in an office and it is so bloody noisy we often decamp for serious chats.

Well I don't think it's terribly considerate to allow one's child to wander around and bother people who are obviously busy/not interested. I do think he could have handled it with a little more finesse though.

YABU

Not everyone likes children/other people's children.

If he was sitting in the cafe of a soft play center, then he would be unreasonable.

In fact, I don't even think what he said was rude...just straight and to the point.

It's all relative isn't it really. I'm sure you don't hate children at all Cherry -
My ILs think its rude to just say "hello, how are you?" as greeting, instead of a 5 minute back and forth session of:
"Hello, how lovely to see you! How are you?"
"Fine, and you?"
"Really well, and your mother?"
"Very well, thank you, and your sister?"

etc for 5 minutes

Anyway, off to find a corkscrew....

You certainly implied it with that 'Round your way' remark.

a kid saying "hello" is hardly a request for this child to be entertained?

All you nutters who say you don't want to entertain someone else's child, you're a miserable lot.

I work in cafe's at the mo, as I have builders in the house and work "from home". I am sure I could stop my 'important work to say to a toddler: "hello to you! excuse me darling but I am busy" or something.

I would have just said "Hello", smiled then carried on with what I was doing. I would then expect the mum to say "Come away now dear, the nice lady is trying to work over there.." etc.

If a member of staff came over to ask him something then it would be rude of him to say "Do you mind, I am trying to work!" so it is also rude to say it to a child.

If you need to do work that requires no interruption, then do so in a non-public space.

I suspect that anyone who encourages their toddler to 'mingle' is not likely to take them away unless you are quite rude.

And some people don't like children. I think that's absolutely fair enough.