to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

So what if an adult had joined him at his table and started talking to him or made a phone call ?

Would he have told them to go away?

x post

Perhaps the man was a little rude and could have dealt with it better. We can't expect everyone to know how to talk to kids. Or perhaps he has five kids of his own! Maybe he was just having a bad day. We don't know. But he had a point.

Its not necessarily about noise levels or wanting to work in a quiet place, often people just want to relax and enjoy a coffee in peace, without having to mingle with anyone, big or small.

I wouldn't want my kids to disturb other people, especially, as other people have said in somewhere with all those hot drinks to be spilt.

So all in all I think YABU

I'd presume he would. I'd expect him to say exactly the same thing if it was an adult who interrupted him.

Cherry, you sound highly offended. Not once have I said that, or read it on this thread. Of course the UK is not hell and of course the rest of the world is not perfect. I am not sure how you have come to that conclusion from a handfull of posters saying that in their general experience, other countries seem more child friendly.

FWIW I am not a "child worshipper" and think parents who do not parent and who do not teach their child boundaries are doing them a disservice.

The case outlined by Pitisch is an appalling case of over indulgence and no boundaries.

However in this case, a toddler saying "hello" in a public place does not warrant the rude response outlined by the OP.

There is a happy medium, where we don't have to straightjacket our children in public, this too is doing them a disservice.

He is BU. to expect to work in silence

But YABU to exoect people to interact wirh your mingling toddler

If you go to a place where there are likely to be children and other people you can't have it all your own way.

The same applies to children,UsualSuspect. They have to learn that not everyone is interested in them.

Given you were encouraging your child to mingle, I'm not surprised the man reacted like he did. It's a coffee shop, not a playgroup.

If he hadn't been curt and had said hello back, would you have called your DS back? Or would you have thought the man was enjoying the chat?

I work in coffee shops sometimes because I work from home and sometimes it's nice to have a bit of background noise/general human company. I don't want to chat to other people's children

I don't think OP expected poeple to interact with her toddler - she let him have a little wander. It's hardly the end of the world.

Cherry - Yes they do, but he was rude to both the child (by ignoring his "hello") and then directly to the OP. There was no need for that imho, you can make your point without being rude. He needed to lighten up, but as I said before maybe he was having a bad day, we will never know!

If you're mingling, you're interacting with other people, no?

They have to learn that not everyone is interested in them

I'm sure they learn that fast enough round your way cherry

I've found that most poeple are quite genial and pleasant and I hate it when children are shushed to within an inch of their lives just to appease some joyless person. Not that I'm saying you are joyless at all.

Yes exactly Mama - really not the end of the world.

But you'd think so Princess

By the same token though, it's not the end of the world if your kid gets the brush off either is it?

Not the end of the world, but rude in my book

Viola don't twist my words to suit yourself. I said what I did with my children. I did not say children don't have the right to be there. So, like I said, don't twist things to suit your agenda.

I marvel at the issues some people have....
oh to have work so important that I cannot afford to say hello to a small child
don't people who work have offices and the like?

If you want to relax and enjoy a coffee in peace then how can you expect peace and no interruptions in a public place?

I think we can safely agree that this issue is not on the same scale as armageddon

It's still interesting to debate though.

You can expect not to have to talk guff with a random toddler though.

just not be rude pictish

But toddlers are part of the general public!

They have to learn that not everyone is interested in them

I'm sure they learn that fast enough round your way cherry

That made me laugh Mama

OP, he was a miserable git