to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

Agree that it's dangerous to let toddler move through a coffee shop for obvious reasons.

Agree that sometimes you don't want to be bothered by other kids, but where has politeness gone in this world? If someone says hello to me I say hello back, same with smiles (believe me some days it's the last thing i want to do). If you want kids to grow up socialised, and not rude trouble causers then being polite should also apply to them. Better response could have been hello and sorry I'm a bit busy. Hopefully, as other post said it was just an off day.

A smile costs nothing. I can't believe the miserable people out there sometimes.

' if it were me and I was busy concentrating I'd have said a quick 'hello' with a smile, then looked back at my work and hoped the child wouldn't pursue things further.

If they did I'd have looked at the parent in mute appeal, then said (nicely) to the child 'It was nice to meet you. I have to work now though.''

Me too.

er, bogeyface, I was being sarcastic. I like many adults but I prefer cildren to the type of adult who fusses over his/her 'personal space' and expects mothers to keep children out of it, as if children were farm animals about to crap all over their precious cappuccinos....

Anyone who has had a small child staring, unblinkingly at them, for the duration of a latte, knows exactly what I mean by Village of the Damned, as do you Domestic so stop being silly.

Oh and I take my children out to eat alot. You know what? They stay sat down, IN THEIR SEATS!!! I know, amazing huh?!

They dont even, and this will blow you mind, bother other people!

It can be done without nailing their feet to the floor. If my kids can behave well in public then I dont see why others cant too to be quite honest.

If you want to work , then use your office

A child wandering about doesn't bother me and I work in a coffee shop.

Yes, so would I - as I said earlier, I would never be rude or sharp to a child simply because they approached me....I am a mum of three and while not being especially big on OPC at all, I wouldn't ever wish to make them feel bad.
I would sugar coat it.

This man didn't. Big deal!

Not many children there Jins

I'm more annoyed by the 'workers' who buy 1 coffee and take up a whole table with their laptops and papers and sit there for hours.

Or the ones having meetings and expecting everyone to tiptoe around them.

Was rude.

Yes usual they are much more annoying than a toddler saying hello.

Thing is, I would say to DD 'come back here, darling, and let the nice man work' or similar, which would be his cue for saying 'No bother! Here, want to jump up next to me and help me with my tetris game?' or 'off you go to mummy'.

But I also would feel pretty pissed if the man had been so offhand and dismissive, as described in the OP. Exactly as I would feel if I had smiled and said hello and was told off for it.

Don't know why you're all 'ffs' at Bec saying she'd leave under the circumstances,Domesticgoddess,earlier you said that you think people should do that if they were annoyed,at least you said that's what you'd do in the circumstances. So should they leave or not?

And you do sound like a child worshipper,one of those who think children can do no wrong,and that no one else's needs matter but those of children. It's certainly how you,and some others,come across on this thread.The sort that complain if anyone dares to tell their child 'no',regardless of what they're doing. Heaven forbid that people dare to go out in public in the hope of reading a newspaper or book,or working and enjoying a nice coffee.

If you want to read a book in silence and have a bit of peace, a coffee shop is not the place to do it.

Re Toytown,Psammead.Those on Toytown who are complaining about German being so child unfriendly can't be the same people who expect Germany to be exactly the same as the UK,if the UK is such a cruel and merciless place for parents and their children.

Thing is though, public is just that. Full of the unwashed masses general public. I think that expecting privacy in public is a bit of an odd expectation. Tolerance and courtesy are desireable qualities, imo. I do bot think this man showed either in this particular case.

HE WAS RUDE!

The OP said he spoke in "a very unpleasant way" - as was said upthread, the OP was actually there... no one else on here was. She is unlikely to be lying. The child saying "hello" did not warrant the man being so rude.

No one has said that they expect silence ffs.

Princess TamTam

Her son did nothing wrong at all, after all he is only 2.

Yes, would have been polite but I would have been trying to disengage as quickly as possible.

I read the remark they man made as being addressed to the OP not to her son after all its not really phrased at toddler level is it.

I love my children dearly and think they are rays of sunshine in my life but I really don't expect other people who are busy doing something else to necessarily want to be disturbed by them.

He said I'm 'concentrating here' Go and concentrate in your office then

Not in a public place where other people are doing their thing.

I think that if you want to read a book in silence and enjoy the peace, a coffee shop is exactly the place to do it!

That's not to say that everyone else has to be silent, far from it....but I don't think it's too much to ask to be left alone in peace to read in a coffee shop!

If I take my book to a coffee shop looking for half an hours peace I expect to get it!

His tone is a matter of perspective. The OP could be wrong or she could be right.But he was saying something she didn't like,so I'd think it likely that she'd take it in that way,whether he actually did say it in a rude manner or not.

Cherry - I have long ago stopped trying to figure out exactly what some of those ToyTowners want and expect. Perfection, somehow, which exists nowhere. There are people who just like to complain, mock and undermine.

Never said UK was cruel and merciless. I said that I have had a higher than average number of negative experiences in the UK wrt children than in a few other countries.

Not really cherry - I have been known to take tea on my own, it just wouldn't bother me at all if a child said hello. I don't think only being able to tolerate ones makes anyone a child-worshipper blasphemy of blasphemies! Its hardly spoiling a child.

Well the general opinion coming from those who think the man was rude seems to be that the UK is hell for children and their parents,and the rest of the world is Utopia.