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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want rant about ex to the whole world!

30 replies

youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:00

ds 'dad' makes me want to scream to the world how much of an arsehole he really is! He got me pregnant at sixteen (I took morning after pill etc so don't need a it takes two rant!) and then left me high and dry! He got away with not having to pay maintenance apparently an 18 year old with a job is still a child!!
he laughs at the fact i had post-natal depression due to lack of help from him! his hasn't seen ds in 6 months and not to mention he the blocked me off facebook and refuses to give me his number as he wants ds out his life, it just pisses me off so much he can do what he likes when he likes and he can choose to not be a part of his own sons life! Sorry to rant but i need to blow some steam!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2012 20:03

Who told you he didn't have to pay maintenance? Confused

Contact the CSA, he will have to pay at some point - even if it were true he's not going to stay 18 forever.

It's a good idea for you to block him from Facebook anyway - you don't need his bullshit. Rant away, he sounds like an arse. At least your child has you Smile

JumpingThroughHoops · 20/06/2012 20:04

I'm sure it takes two to get pregnant.

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:05

The CSA sent me the letter saying his classed as a child he earns enough to pay the base rate! i've disagreed with the decision but heard nothing! they're just as much of an arsehole as him!

OP posts:
Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:06

It does JumpingThroughHoops i'm facing up to responsibility's his not that's all!

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:09

Jumping that was a stupid post completely unhelpful. Try reading the OP!Angry

OP sooner or later he will be the legal age to pay until then try and hang in there it will all be worth it

JumpingThroughHoops · 20/06/2012 20:11

If the male is still in full time education then he wont be paying maint will he?

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:11

I Bloody hope so!

OP posts:
Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:13

his not in full time education none as far as i am aware

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:13

And that makes it fair does it jumping? Im sure the OP would love to say im off to college baby, so you'll just have to starve... But thats not the way things are is it? So why is his behaviour excusable?!

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2012 20:13

He's not in education - OP says he has a job.

You need to appeal, he's not a child.

Dprince · 20/06/2012 20:16

I have to say I don't like the 'he got me pregnant' line. As though it was all him. But that aside (as I don't think that's what the OP is trying to say) if he was 18 when you claimed and he hasn't seen the child for 6 months he must be at least 18 and a half. So if the csa is correct (I have no idea) in 6 months he will. Its shit if that's TRUE.

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:17

i have appealed still heard nothing!, i know this may sound stupid but he plays for the local football club as a youth team player they're a close knit lot him and the gaff, the csa have told me his still a child and him that he doesn't earn enough ( i've been told by csa he can pay the base rate) so i wondered if something has gone on at 'work' to protect him? is this just me being stupid or can they find a loop e.g he does education here etc?

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 20/06/2012 20:18

I bet he does have a college place and a Saturday job

OP have you pursued this through the appropriate channels? Is he denying he's the father? have DNA tests taken place? Did he register the birth with you? Has he assumed in any shape or form responsibility? Have you contacted the benefits agency to ensure you are able to provide in the meantime?

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:20

his 18 soon to be 19, if i am old enough to have to provide fully for ds why is he not old enough (we are both 18!)

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:21

How the frig would you know that jumping or are you attempting to be deliberately snide and condescending based on the ages of the people involved?!

OP they could be making payments to him in hand etc. just dont give up, make them aware with proof if possible

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:23

I don't know what routes to take, he threaten to deny he was the dad but CSA said he didn't have to pay so he didn't use that line in the end no DNA test has been done he refuses to take one as it will prove ds is his son! he didn't register his birth with as he never showed, i haven't contacted benefit agency, i don't really have any idea of what they're about and what i an do i anything

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 20/06/2012 20:24

bBis lovey, take a chillax pill. The past and present governments have tried to keep youth in education until 19 .... read a paper lovey, get informed

BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:25

A DNA test would need to be court ordered if he wasnt consenting. It will be a hard slog but in the mean time are you able to claim any benefits?

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:25

He has two jobs one is cash in hand! ah! he did tell me he was going to tell CSA his job was cash in hand to stop the payments! the sneaky bastard has probably told them his twice a night ref. job at the local football centre is his full time job! but i did give CSA his real job address, number etc.

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:27

Dont be condescending to me lovey im not a vulnerable young person asking for advice. Im aware if the education initiatives in place, however im also aware by reading the OP's messages that he has confirmed he is not in education. So unless you are psychic i would like to know how you can gleam that gem lovey

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:27

JumpingThroughHoops, trust me the boy is NOT in any education! Yes i've been able to claim benefits it's enough to keep us both going i do live with my parents to try keep a little extra money even if CSA do pay maintenance how is £20 a month even a justified amount to raise a child!!!!

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:30

Its not, but legally all you can do is take what you can get. As you said you both made the baby he should contribute willingly but his character doesn't indicate he will, all you can do is your best.

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 20/06/2012 20:33

£20 is better than nothing, but getting nothing is just grating on me just a little acknowledgement from ds's father would be better than him pretending he doesn't exist

OP posts:
BBisTitanium · 20/06/2012 20:36

You are feeling that way as you are a good parent and you are entitled to feel that way IMHO, but theres only so much you can dwell on it before it affects you. He will loose out longterm sounds contrived but its true

Jux · 20/06/2012 23:55

Do his parents know? Perhaps they can be persuaded to contribute a bit?

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