AIBU to want rant about ex to the whole world!

[youngmummy17]

ds 'dad' makes me want to scream to the world how much of an arsehole he really is! He got me pregnant at sixteen (I took morning after pill etc so don't need a it takes two rant!) and then left me high and dry! He got away with not having to pay maintenance apparently an 18 year old with a job is still a child!!
he laughs at the fact i had post-natal depression due to lack of help from him! his hasn't seen ds in 6 months and not to mention he the blocked me off facebook and refuses to give me his number as he wants ds out his life, it just pisses me off so much he can do what he likes when he likes and he can choose to not be a part of his own sons life! Sorry to rant but i need to blow some steam!

[iamjustlurking]

Won't bore you with the back story but I was left high and dry with literally nothing and an 3 week, 5yr and 8 yrs old now 8 years later I have just been awarded a whole £20 a month for all 3 children oh yes indeed.

I work and pay my own rent, bills, things for children 2 now v expensive teenagers. Just got to love CSA and arsehole exes

[ShirleyKnot]

You poor thing OP. It's hard enough being a single parent without the added frustration and FURY of this feeling of unfairness. I understand completely how you feel.

I have found the CSA to be really rather good. It has taken a long time (Nearly a year) but I heard this week that a liability order has been issued on my XH and it's now being referred to a debt collection agency - those bastards are like a dog with a bone so I am confident that I might eventually get my enormous £40 per week for my 2 children!

ANYWAY - I think the father of your child is probably doing a college course which would mean he is still in education and (possiby) this is why no order has been placed.

Are his family seeing your little boy?

[Oppsididitagain]

Yanbu to want to rage about it,
so you know as he is over 16 this means that the csa have run a check on him and the only way this would be legal is if someone is reciving child benefit with regard to him at the mo it won't matter how many jobs he has as long as a adult revives child benefit then he is legally classed as a child for monetary liability issues, the longest this can go on for is till he is 19 to the best of my knowledge it is not his fault that another person gets cb it's the fault of the claiment but you are compleatly right to be pissed off at the rules that allow him to do this,
also when he is older if he tells the csa his work is cash in hand he will think he's being smart but he's not obviously don't tell him this but if he's silly enough to say that then he still has to say how much he has they can still use it in a assesment.
I know it seams really crappy but try not to let it bug you because he's winning (easyer said than done I know,I'm fighting the urge to do my own maintainance/ twat thread) he will come unstuck one day.also ignore the twatish people who make digs at the suituation just because your younger or because your understandably confused about how the csa work most of the staff there don't even get it, and compleatly ignore anyone who targets the language you used it's petty and clear that some people should be old enough to know better and those people clearly arnt the actual children or only just adults after all the way you expressed your self is exactly how someone of your age would be expected to.

[comedycentral]

I really feel for you OP, could you gets some advice from citizens advice.

[Staceisace]

Concentrate on your little boy and making his life as great as you possibly can. Not everyone is lucky enough to have two great parents or even two parents but that's okay as long as they grow up feeling loved and cared for. When he's older he'll see his father for who he really is and won't need you to tell him about how little his dad cared. I know it's upsetting and financially difficult but it's your ex who looks like an idiot in all of this, you need to rise above it...and try to get him to take responsibility by at least paying for the child he helped create.

[Jux]

Do his parents know? Perhaps they can be persuaded to contribute a bit?

[BBisTitanium]

You are feeling that way as you are a good parent and you are entitled to feel that way IMHO, but theres only so much you can dwell on it before it affects you. He will loose out longterm sounds contrived but its true

[youngmummy17]

£20 is better than nothing, but getting nothing is just grating on me just a little acknowledgement from ds's father would be better than him pretending he doesn't exist

[BBisTitanium]

Its not, but legally all you can do is take what you can get. As you said you both made the baby he should contribute willingly but his character doesn't indicate he will, all you can do is your best.

[youngmummy17]

JumpingThroughHoops, trust me the boy is NOT in any education! Yes i've been able to claim benefits it's enough to keep us both going i do live with my parents to try keep a little extra money even if CSA do pay maintenance how is £20 a month even a justified amount to raise a child!!!!

[BBisTitanium]

Dont be condescending to me lovey im not a vulnerable young person asking for advice. Im aware if the education initiatives in place, however im also aware by reading the OP's messages that he has confirmed he is not in education. So unless you are psychic i would like to know how you can gleam that gem lovey

[youngmummy17]

He has two jobs one is cash in hand! ah! he did tell me he was going to tell CSA his job was cash in hand to stop the payments! the sneaky bastard has probably told them his twice a night ref. job at the local football centre is his full time job! but i did give CSA his real job address, number etc.

[BBisTitanium]

A DNA test would need to be court ordered if he wasnt consenting. It will be a hard slog but in the mean time are you able to claim any benefits?

[JumpingThroughHoops]

bBis lovey, take a chillax pill. The past and present governments have tried to keep youth in education until 19 .... read a paper lovey, get informed

[youngmummy17]

I don't know what routes to take, he threaten to deny he was the dad but CSA said he didn't have to pay so he didn't use that line in the end no DNA test has been done he refuses to take one as it will prove ds is his son! he didn't register his birth with as he never showed, i haven't contacted benefit agency, i don't really have any idea of what they're about and what i an do i anything

[BBisTitanium]

How the frig would you know that jumping or are you attempting to be deliberately snide and condescending based on the ages of the people involved?!

OP they could be making payments to him in hand etc. just dont give up, make them aware with proof if possible

[youngmummy17]

his 18 soon to be 19, if i am old enough to have to provide fully for ds why is he not old enough (we are both 18!)

[JumpingThroughHoops]

I bet he does have a college place and a Saturday job

OP have you pursued this through the appropriate channels? Is he denying he's the father? have DNA tests taken place? Did he register the birth with you? Has he assumed in any shape or form responsibility? Have you contacted the benefits agency to ensure you are able to provide in the meantime?

[youngmummy17]

i have appealed still heard nothing!, i know this may sound stupid but he plays for the local football club as a youth team player they're a close knit lot him and the gaff, the csa have told me his still a child and him that he doesn't earn enough ( i've been told by csa he can pay the base rate) so i wondered if something has gone on at 'work' to protect him? is this just me being stupid or can they find a loop e.g he does education here etc?

[Dprince]

I have to say I don't like the 'he got me pregnant' line. As though it was all him. But that aside (as I don't think that's what the OP is trying to say) if he was 18 when you claimed and he hasn't seen the child for 6 months he must be at least 18 and a half. So if the csa is correct (I have no idea) in 6 months he will. Its shit if that's TRUE.

[LaurieFairyCake]

He's not in education - OP says he has a job.

You need to appeal, he's not a child.

[BBisTitanium]

And that makes it fair does it jumping? Im sure the OP would love to say im off to college baby, so you'll just have to starve... But thats not the way things are is it? So why is his behaviour excusable?!

[youngmummy17]

his not in full time education none as far as i am aware

[youngmummy17]

I Bloody hope so!

[JumpingThroughHoops]

If the male is still in full time education then he wont be paying maint will he?