to want to get in a night nanny

[Rhubarbgarden]

I know it's cheating. But dc2 is breaking me. I can't get him to settle after his night feeds, and last night was just the pits with him having a feed at 11 then wide awake crying till about half 2. DH and I took it in turns with the jiggling and shushing, but we are still both a wreck today. It's like this to a degree every night.

I have a 2 year old dd too, and I simply can't summon up the energy needed to deal with a toddler with this going on. I've got in extra help temporarily but dd is clearly feeling 'farmed out' and got hysterical when the nanny arrived this morning, and clung to my leg screaming mummy mummy while I was trying to rock the pram to get ds to nap - who was also crying. She's fine once the nanny has got her out the house and off to the park or something, but she's getting increasingly upset on a morning when she realises it isn't a 'mummy day'.

I can't keep going like this. I'm worn to a thread. I remember it being hard at this stage with dd but we got her sleep trained eventually and then it was fine. But I just don't have the mental or physical reserves needed for it this time, so I'm sorely tempted to get someone in to do it, just for three or four nights, to let us get some sleep and get on the right track. But it feels like a cop out...

Motherhood is not a pissing contest for martyrs.

4 weeks is not too young for a night nanny. Some things to know...

• the mum is still responsible for the baby. If the night nanny thinks there is anything the mum should be aware of (like if baby seems ill), mum will be woken.

• Night nanny will do what mum instructs, - baby will not miss feeds, thats what night nanny is for, if mum wants baby held to sleep and cuddled all night, night nanny will oblige.

• Many night nannies have a related day job, mine was an experienced paediatric hospital nurse. I could not think of anyone else I could trust more to care for my precious babies.

There are no prizes for suffering from the most exhaustion. I happily gave up takeaways for a couple of months to afford one. Feeling more human I had the energy to cook from scratch anyway - win win

If he is really hungry then he should just be fed more. Although I think the OP has tried all this.

I really feel for you OP. Sleep deprivation is awful. I have not had a full nights sleep for 3.6yrs now (have a 3.6yr DS and a 22 month old DD), but I'm used to it now, so it's not a problem anymore.

For a 4 week old baby, I would not use a night nanny personally. I would feed to sleep, co-sleep, get your DH to take turns etc (my babies loved to sleep on my DH's chest at night, I obviously didn't get a wink of sleep as I was worried of them falling to the side, so I would wait till they were settled and then transfer them to cot/bed. I think a 4 week old would be distraught at being handed over to a stranger.
And I completely absolutely agree that we are not meant to bringing up our babies alone, and should be having the help of family etc and the nuclear family is a modern phenomenon etc etc, but a granny is someone the baby probably knows and is familiar with having been around them the whole day too, not just at night. With a night nanny there is no sense of familiarity. So a granny looking after a LO at night is a world away from a night nanny IMO.

That was quite a defensive post holly!
My toddler has only just started sleeping through but, is teething so its not consistent. I havent had a full nights sleep in over two years.. Who said i wasnt exhausted?

I was just saying that its part and parcel of having a young child. I dont think a night nanny is necessary, her baby is 4 weeks - not 4 years!
She already has a nanny in the day??
I wouldnt be able to sleep anyway - earplugs or not!

"if she's bf and she feeds him on demand then she will produce enough milk even if he is a hungry baby."

That's NOT always true. It's GENERALLY true but not always the case.

And the OP doesn't "like" the idea of having someone in at night. But she's very very very tired.

It's defensive because you're projecting that just because you can manage, so should she.

bumbleymummy - yep I was pretty exhausted I have to admit. Although it does sound like OP's baby is pretty high needs. I think i was lucky that both of mine were pretty content, and hardly ever cried as babies (although making up for it as toddlers).
My DH is amazing and he did his fair share of caring for them and did the majority of the housework when they were little and even now This is how I coped.

brilliant plan, oP, if you can afford it.

It is not cheating, who or what are you cheating or are you in a Motherhood Competition (some women are, quite a few on MN too )

Not at all. I wasnt meaning to sound judgemental i just think the OP should give herself and her baby a break!
She has help in place already for the daytime. Motherhood isnt always a bed of roses!

Bagofholly, introducing top ups can impact on the mum's supply. I'm not sure it's a good idea to suggest it when there's no real indication that he's not getting enough milk.

I'm aware of that and wasn't suggesting it. But saying that the mother will always produce enough, isn't always true. My suspicion personally is that there might be some silent reflux/CMPI going on. It's NOT normal for a baby to scream for 3 hours and be difficult to settle after feeds. With proper silent reflux it's pointless cutting out dairy - essentially they're allergic to milk and need an alternative. But in this case who knows? He might actually need more than her supply - it happens.

Well it was a fucking awful night (sorry about the language). He screamed from 6.30pm till around 11.30pm - I think, I'm a bit dazed. At that point we topped him up with a bottle of formula (so shoot me; he'd emptied my boobs) and he then, finally, slept till 3.30am. After that he woke every hour but would only feed for five minutes before passing out. I kept him in the bed with me in the end - with the result that I stayed awake. This is why co-sleeping does not work for me. I do not sleep. At all.

I can't give both children to the day nanny because it's a nanny share - not my nanny; I drop dd off there and the nanny brings her home. Today after dropping her off I cried most of the way home - v embarrassing. No real reason, just tiredness. Oh and someone snapped at me on the bus because my pushchair was in the way, apparently.

Sleeping when he naps is not possible usually because mostly he will only nap either in the sling or when pushed in the pushchair, although occasionally I do get him off in the cot, and then I do nap.

Hahahahahaha to whoever said just enjoy these early weeks. Because this is so much fun isn't it? If you enjoy it, good for you. I had more fun when I poked myself in the eye on a thorn bush, personally, but there you go.

Thank you for all the support and understanding anyway. This thread has helped. I know there will always be people who wouldn't dream of getting someone in to help out - I was the same with dd, but this is a very different baby. I wish there was a granny or a sister who could help out, but there isn't. It's a choice of pay someone or suffer. I'm no martyr.

Oh and I've taken him to three doctors who have all said it's not reflux, just colic.

He might - but he might not so suggesting that she try top up feeds (before even suggesting more frequent feeds etc) when there is nothing to suggest that he isn't getting enough milk anyway could actually do more harm than good. I did mention the CMP intolerance earlier too. Screaming for that length of time suggests that he isn't comfortable :(

Sorry to hear you had such a bad night. :( Why don't you sleep with him beside you? Are you worried about rolling over or something?

Why can't* you sleep with him beside you?

I don't believe in suffering for the sake of it, so if you can make these early weeks easier and enjoy them more with a night nanny, go for it. You're not cheating, you're being resourceful and finding a solution for a difficult problem.

Rhubarb IMO there is no right and wrong when it comes to a baby. Just what works for you and your family. My DS never slept and with the combination of being a PFB it made life hell for everyone.
I would have a had night nurse in a minute if I had that option.
Just go for it !

Rhubarb - cranial osteopathy worked for my ds. Have a look into it - like your ds, he would scream and cry constantly. We even took him to A+E to have him checked over.
Cranial was great - calmed him down. He had 5 sessions altogether.

Also - have you tried a dummy? That may help to soothe him.

OP - sounds like my DD (I also have a DS aged 2.8).

First 3-4 months were shit. She got hugely overtired resulting in screaming fits. Go easy on yourself - it'll get better but you just need to survive now.

Can you sleep with your feet up on the sofa and baby on your chest? I couldn't co sleep at all either, just didn't work but I was able to sleep with ds curled up on me and meant I could get some much needed shut eye.

WRT people you say 'enjoy your baby/the early days/newborn phase' - comments like that make we want to slap then round the head with a wet nappy!

One of my twins was like this. Took him repeatedly to our nob of a GP, and then my HV saw him arching his back and wriggling all the time and said Silent Reflux. We were referred to a paediatrician who confirmed it, in both twins and got lots of meds which made a huge difference.
Thing is, it's NOT normal for a baby to behave like that - and it's perfectly in order for you to ask to see a paed who might have a different perspective.
My GP kept saying "well he's putting on weight and not throwing up - it's not reflux." Totally, totally wrong.

Valium, it's not safe to sleep with a baby on the couch.

Rhubarb, go for it - and get some sleep. Its a great idea and a wonderful resource, dont listen to the old sour puss out there! Good luck!

It's fine to sleep on a big couch, better to get sleep than not imo.