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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get in a night nanny

221 replies

Rhubarbgarden · 19/06/2012 11:09

I know it's cheating. But dc2 is breaking me. I can't get him to settle after his night feeds, and last night was just the pits with him having a feed at 11 then wide awake crying till about half 2. DH and I took it in turns with the jiggling and shushing, but we are still both a wreck today. It's like this to a degree every night.

I have a 2 year old dd too, and I simply can't summon up the energy needed to deal with a toddler with this going on. I've got in extra help temporarily but dd is clearly feeling 'farmed out' and got hysterical when the nanny arrived this morning, and clung to my leg screaming mummy mummy while I was trying to rock the pram to get ds to nap - who was also crying. She's fine once the nanny has got her out the house and off to the park or something, but she's getting increasingly upset on a morning when she realises it isn't a 'mummy day'.

I can't keep going like this. I'm worn to a thread. I remember it being hard at this stage with dd but we got her sleep trained eventually and then it was fine. But I just don't have the mental or physical reserves needed for it this time, so I'm sorely tempted to get someone in to do it, just for three or four nights, to let us get some sleep and get on the right track. But it feels like a cop out...

OP posts:
sherbetpips · 19/06/2012 13:49

If you have the money go for it but if not stop torturing yourself with the idea that this would solve everything if only you could do it. You will get through this, the baby will sleep more regularly and you will remember how to parent your two year old. this stage is bloomin awful but it does pass and you already know how to do it! good luck. x

PinkElephant73 · 19/06/2012 13:54

OP please check out the sleep and BF forums on MN if you haven't already. Assuming you are BF, this may well be cluster feeding, which is just Nature's way of increasing your supply. Its not fun but it doesn't last forever. "Colic", dubious term for screamy evening newborn behaviour frequently gets much better by 12 weeks anyway. By all means get a night nanny but there may be selfhelp stuff you can do first. Everyone feeds 4 week old babies to sleep, thats just what happens! And if you are BF, the best thing you can do is to get as much rest as poss and eat properly. buy in the help to deal with cleaning, cooking etc as well if possible.

Ephiny · 19/06/2012 13:54

I don't think it's 'cheating' at all - if you feel like you could use the help, and you can afford it, then what's the problem? At the very least it'll give you a much needed break and chance to catch up on some sleep, and at best she might be able to give you some advice and help with settling your baby into a routine that suits you all better.

ceeveebee · 19/06/2012 13:56

" He needs me to parent him off to sleep"

Sorry but how can anyone use that phrase and call another poster smug!

My night nanny 'nannied' my two to sleep on the nights she was there. I did it the other nights. They sleep 7pm to 7am without a squeak and have done so since 12 weeks. And yes I'm smug about that Smile

valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 13:57

Hey listen, if feeding to sleep works - do it! I always did and I FF ds, I didn't know that was 'wrong.' As far as I am concerned if feeding to sleep a tiny weeny baby works then that's when you do - worry about sleep training and all that business later.

QueenKong · 19/06/2012 14:06

How is that smug? I just used it as shorthand for all the rocking, feeding, shhing, singing, patting etc I have to do. It's no more smug than criticising vast swathes of parents who just "haven't let their baby self-settle". As if I'd rather be spending hours trying to get my baby to sleep than just letting him drift off on his own. Oh, I didn't realise it was that simple Hmm

ceeveebee · 19/06/2012 14:10

It's smug because this is a thread about whether night nannies are 'cheating'. Using the word parent is an implied criticism of those who choose to use a nanny ie a substitute parent to help settle their baby/ies.

ceeveebee · 19/06/2012 14:11

It's smug because this is a thread about whether night nannies are 'cheating'. Using the word parent is an implied criticism of those who choose to use a nanny ie a substitute parent to help settle their baby/ies.

QueenKong · 19/06/2012 14:11

And I have no issue with nannies to do all the settling/jiggling rigmarole. If you can afford it, then why not? It was more the patronising assumptions being made that a 4wo isn't sleeping because he just hasn't been put in a good routine/allowed to settle himself. Some babies are just crap sleepers, it's a frigging lottery.

QueenKong · 19/06/2012 14:13

Understood, I didn't mean it in that way - just meant that he needs outside assistance to help him sleep.

NotTooBusyForChocolate · 19/06/2012 14:23

OP. Get a night nanny.

I had one and in my personal experience I cannot tell you how good it is. Well actually I can. Its THAT good.

Look at it this way; it's temporary, your baby will learn to sleep, but until then you get some nights respite so you can be a better functioning human.

Don't think about it any longer, don't wait. Get a night nanny!

accountantsrule · 19/06/2012 14:29

queenskong not smug in anyway, because I failed to follow advice I was given by others DS1 was 18 months before he slept through/self settled. He may not have ever self-settled even if we had tried - who knows but it may have done.

I am a bit offended by your comment as just because I have given some advice or mentioned a real life situation doesn't make me smug. I have re read my post and can't see what you mean TBH.

accountantsrule · 19/06/2012 14:31

God I missed the 2nd page posts, Queenskong you are being quite rude and no where has anyone suggested that there is a problem with parents not getting the babies into a routine early, I am just offering advice I believe to be helpful as I had such a bad experience with DS1!

Bagofholly · 19/06/2012 14:38

" He needs me to parent him off to sleep"

PMSL! "My husband needs me to wife him off."
Grin

Noqontrol · 19/06/2012 14:38

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. Your baby is going to go through lots of ups and downs over the next few months with growth spurts and weaning, so not sure a nanny is the best idea at the moment. Have you considered a cranial osteopath? My ds suffered from Colic and reflux, and the osteopath really helped with that:
I did consider getting a night nanny when ds was 11months, as I was desperate. I decided to give cc a go before I paid the money and luckily it worked. Ive got 2 dc, 2 yrs apart and I feel your pain, that first year is hard, especially the first 6 months of it. It does get a lot better though.

Original poster
Rhubarbgarden · 19/06/2012 14:40

I know this wouldn't be aibu without accusations of smugness and a routine v not routine spat, but I'm not going to get into all that. Thank you all of you for your advice and I'm sorry if I've sparked off unpleasantness.

I've made the call. I already feel better! Smile

OP posts:
QueenKong · 19/06/2012 14:41

Well, maybe it's my own sleep deprivation making me over sensitive!

I'm not saying routines etc are bad. But I read your post about lots of 2 year olds not sleeping through because they hadn't been allowed to self-settle or been put in good routines and it got my back up because I have tried literally everything to get my baby to sleep better. And I imagine so have the parents of all those non-sleeping 2 year olds you mention. I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked "does he have a good bedtime routine?" as if I wouldn't have thought to implicate something so basic. The little bugger just doesn't want to sleep!

But I appreciate you were offering advice and I agree I could have rephrased my response better. Apologies.

accountantsrule · 19/06/2012 14:48

Queenskong I am only speaking from experience and I just meant the majority - I didn't mean it to sound critical.

Some people really don't think to try and do something so simple - honestly - the people I mention have a chaotic bed time routine ie no calming down just running around etc then expect them to just go to sleep and others let their little ones still fall asleep with a cuddle on the sofa then wonder why they get up in the night when they discover they are no longer being cuddled but are in their own bed - this is what I really meant!

titan · 19/06/2012 14:50

How much do night nannies cost? We are in a similar situation to OP with a 6 week old awake all night and a 22 month old who feels left out. We do have daytime help. DH keeps suggesting a night nanny but I have resisted thinking he's too young for sleep training and I had heard that night nannies cost £500 per day which seems alot for someone to do shushing and wake you up to breastfeeding anyway. Maybe I'm wrong though? Are they amazingly effective, even at this age?

valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 14:51

Upwards of £600 per week 10 years ago iirc - don't know about now.

valiumredhead · 19/06/2012 14:52

www.silentnightnannies.co.uk/nightnannies

first one that came up when I googled

Bagofholly · 19/06/2012 14:59

We got an overnight childminder, £10/hr

Tryharder · 19/06/2012 15:00

For a bottle fed baby, I would say,absolutely, go for it. For a 4 week old breast fed baby? I wouldn't personally.

I just have awful visions of a 4 week old baby being left hungry alone in a cot and wanting to feed while some old fashioned nanny leaves him to cry it out Sad

I'm going to say get over it OP. Feed your baby to sleep, cosleep, whatever, just do what it takes to go over this very short phase. Babies of this age want to be cuddled and breastfed. Spending hours jiggling him when all he wants is to feed will not help.

Sorry not to be ultra sympathetic but you did post in AIBUSmile

I

flashmollyflash · 19/06/2012 15:01

I would go for it as you can afford it, OP.

It's not cheating at all. I'm sure you wouldn't view using, say, a cleaner or ironing service as cheating.

Hope you get some full nights of sleep very soon :)

ceeveebee · 19/06/2012 15:11

£150 per night from nightnannies.com for twins, think its slightly cheaper for one baby.
My nanny was a lovely 30 sonething woman and she never left my babies to cry, she knocked on my door when they needed feeding. I know she didn't leave them crying because night 1 I listened all night! Once they were a few weeks old I expressed enough for 2 night feeds anyway.