to want to get in a night nanny

[Rhubarbgarden]

I know it's cheating. But dc2 is breaking me. I can't get him to settle after his night feeds, and last night was just the pits with him having a feed at 11 then wide awake crying till about half 2. DH and I took it in turns with the jiggling and shushing, but we are still both a wreck today. It's like this to a degree every night.

I have a 2 year old dd too, and I simply can't summon up the energy needed to deal with a toddler with this going on. I've got in extra help temporarily but dd is clearly feeling 'farmed out' and got hysterical when the nanny arrived this morning, and clung to my leg screaming mummy mummy while I was trying to rock the pram to get ds to nap - who was also crying. She's fine once the nanny has got her out the house and off to the park or something, but she's getting increasingly upset on a morning when she realises it isn't a 'mummy day'.

I can't keep going like this. I'm worn to a thread. I remember it being hard at this stage with dd but we got her sleep trained eventually and then it was fine. But I just don't have the mental or physical reserves needed for it this time, so I'm sorely tempted to get someone in to do it, just for three or four nights, to let us get some sleep and get on the right track. But it feels like a cop out...

Seriously dontlaugh?
Of course if the child was in hospital I wouldn't shiver at the thought of a someone else, i.e. a doctor, looking after him...Dohhh

I think it's a real case of each to their own and all that......

If I'm really honest I am shocked at how many of you have used night nannies. Even the idea of it makes me feel "wrong" inside.... don't really know how else to explain it....

You do whatever you need to, to get through.... for some they feed to sleep/co sleep and obviously others get night nannies

I remember the sleep deprivation, It made me feel physically ill,mentally exhausted, very tearful and I didn't have the energy to actively give my other 2 children the best of me. Being a mum doesnt mean you have to be a martyr. I would have given anything for a decent nights sleep at one point, and I mean literally anything

Yes, seriously olimpia. Generic statements about strangers looking after a child tend to get me examining the finer print, as it were.

Of course YANBU. I can't even think why this should be on AIBU.

As for posts saying Oh no that's mummies job, all I can say is Hahahahaha. Women have had help from time immemorial with their babies, that is the norm. Doing it all on your own is a new phenomenon and something that should be avoided if at all possible.

Not a generic statement at all dontlaugh. I just wouldn't let someone else look after my son at night instead of feeding him or cuddling him no matter how tired I am. Unless he was in hospital of course

Jeez there are some perfect martyrsmothers on this thread. I am hiding it now before I really lose the plot.

Good luck OP, I am sure it will all work out

Olimpia, you just haven't been that knackered. Good for you.

Right now (1.15am) I'd love a night nanny. Or some close by family.
Ft work and inexplicably grumpy sad baby is hard; toddler and newbie is even harder (I will get a cup of tea tomorrow and even get to drink it hot )
Book the help, after a couple of nights decent kip you'll be on top of the world
X

I'd invest my money in a osteopath. If your lo had colic, try them. I'm sure they have loads in London.

I took dd2 to one, and she was amazing. We only needed 2 appointments in the end. DD's colic went, and she slept through, was so much more relaxed.

Well I think YABU a little but it is your money, your baby, your decision.
I had a terrible sleeper for my first. She didn't sleep through until 3.5years.
However, it wouldn't have occurred to me to get a night nanny. She was my baby and my responsibility. I totally understand, I was up to my daughter every half hour most nights - stretching out to 1-2 two hours after she reached a year old. Now it sounds like a competitive parenting thread (I coped...why can't you etc) but he is only 4 weeks old. You have to expect this when you have a baby. You have care in place for the day. Get the nanny to have both children for half a day and then have a sleep.

This will not last forever. Hope you find the right nanny for you.

Doing it on your own IS a completely new thing, no one did it on their own, we would've had our mums. sisters, and aunties all living very close at hand and all with a wealth of experience,help and advice.

My mum stayed with me when ds was born, nice to know some people think that is totally unreasonable and somehow cheating.I didn't pay her but same thing right WW?

And wrt to managing with a toddler as well, it's only because of NHS cut backs that new mums don't stay in hospital longer and this mad notion we have to run around being bloody Superwoman these days, it was completely the norm to stay in hospital and get feeding and routine established and so the new mum could recover properly from the birth before coming home.

So replace 'night nanny' with 'granny' - not much difference really. And as someone said earlier. so what if you need help, so fucking what?!

But a night nanny does NOT train a 4 week old because you can't train a 4 week old. They are there to work with the parents and to be an extra pair of hands.

Your baby is a bit young for sleep training. Also don't worry about feeding to sleep. It's normal for young ones. I had a nanny for the days to help and used those days to sleep. I also stuck dd in a sling - it was more important that she got sleep when a few weeks old.

I hope it gets better soon whatever you decide.

It's not cheating, but I'm not sure it's necessary. Feed to sleep, co sleep and pace yourself in the daytime. I think even if you had a night nanny you'd be tired and then frustrated that you'd invested money and emotional energy in a solution.
Go with the flow and don't beat yourself up about whatever you choose.

If you can afford it, and it'll make life easier, just do it. There are no prizes for martyrdom.

Night nannies/ nurses dont sleep train tiny babies (well some do, but just weed those out). Friends who have had them have used them to get more sleep between feeds as they feed the baby and then the nn does the rock, shush, jiggle bit so you get at least an hour between feeds.

The other suggestion ..........have you tried a dummy? I had real probs with DS because he would feed really well, detach, but then want to come back on because he wanted the comfort, then he'd overfeed and get wind and scream. Dummy changed my life

Final suggestion- if you think he's windy, try Infacol. Magic darts.

Hope the agency finds you someone asap. My experience with night nannies was fantastic. With each of my 3 children I had a night nanny come in approx once a week for 6 weeks, first visit at approx 10 days old. I exclusively breast fed all mine so would express over the week up to when the night nanny was coming and freeze the milk so that there was a stock of milk available. Night nannies usually come at 9pm. At 10pm ish I would either feed, if the baby was awake or express if sleeping, and then go straight to bed and sleep a full night through to 6.45 ish - the nanny would leave at 7am so I would get up to talk to her and see how the night had gone. She was well aware that she should wake me / DH if there was any problem. I would usually use ear plugs so that the baby's crying didn't wake me (which would have defeated the object). My breasts would be massively engorged when I woke in the morning from not feeding during the night, but I would then feed immediately and I never had any problems either with supply or mastitis etc due to having a night off - it was only once a week after all.This service was an absolute life saver to me. One full night's sleep and you feel invincible and able to cope with life all over again. Please don't feel bad about getting some help - especially as you have a toddler to look after too. You must be exhausted.

I had also never heard of a night nanny before mumsnet but, now iam seriously thinking of a career change lol!

In all seriousness i think you need to remember that your baby is only 4 weeks. He/she is still discovering the world, sounds, textures of clothing/nappies. Estabilishing him/herself somewhat. You are expecting far too much from him/her'

I too have a 2 yo toddler and a newborn and am cherishing all the night feeds as it'll be no time at all before they are both grown !
My 2 year old has only just started sleeping through (not consistently still) but, when he wakes its mummy he wants, not some stranger.
Iam not a martyr but, try to enjoy your newborn. Sleep in the day when you can!

Good luck.. This too will pass.

milkymocha not really that useful. She's knackered, you're not. He doesn't settle after feeds, his daytime sleep is all over the place and on one post had screamed for 3 hours. By the sounds of it your baby isn't doing that, and your toddler sleeps through. Bloody good for you.

Have you googled "High Needs Baby"? My dd was like this. Screamed blue murder unless I was holding her or bf'ing.

Wouldn't go to anyone else except dh.

Also, he could be a really hungry baby. Mixed feeding could work for you. The nanny could give him a top up bottle after you've fed him if he's still crying.

Good for you for having the courage to go for it. I wish I had.

Celia, if she's bf and she feeds him on demand then she will produce enough milk even if he is a hungry baby.

If there's already a nanny there during the day can you not catch up on your sleep then? Go to sleep when your baby naps until you can catch up. I Also agree with the earlier poster who mentioned cutting out dairy. Both my boys seemed to be intolerant of dairy and got very upset and crampy if I ate dairy products. It got better as they got older but it might be something to try if he seems do uncomfortable.

I'm also slightly annoyed at this idea that if you wouldn't get a night nanny then you mustn't be as exhausted. Some people just find ways to cope because they don't like the idea of someone else looking after their baby at night. That does not mean that they're a martyr or anything else!