to want to get in a night nanny

[Rhubarbgarden]

I know it's cheating. But dc2 is breaking me. I can't get him to settle after his night feeds, and last night was just the pits with him having a feed at 11 then wide awake crying till about half 2. DH and I took it in turns with the jiggling and shushing, but we are still both a wreck today. It's like this to a degree every night.

I have a 2 year old dd too, and I simply can't summon up the energy needed to deal with a toddler with this going on. I've got in extra help temporarily but dd is clearly feeling 'farmed out' and got hysterical when the nanny arrived this morning, and clung to my leg screaming mummy mummy while I was trying to rock the pram to get ds to nap - who was also crying. She's fine once the nanny has got her out the house and off to the park or something, but she's getting increasingly upset on a morning when she realises it isn't a 'mummy day'.

I can't keep going like this. I'm worn to a thread. I remember it being hard at this stage with dd but we got her sleep trained eventually and then it was fine. But I just don't have the mental or physical reserves needed for it this time, so I'm sorely tempted to get someone in to do it, just for three or four nights, to let us get some sleep and get on the right track. But it feels like a cop out...

Do not feel bad about feeding baby to sleep. It doesn't always create problems it does mean baby is settled to sleep. What the hell do you think dummies were modeld from anyway??!!

Thanks Mintyy that's really kind.

He's been screaming now for over three hours. Nothing is working, not even feeding to sleep. He fed and napped well today so I just don't know what to do with him. He is furious. I am weary. The nanny agency is trying to get me someone who can start this week. Wish they could start now!

Yeah I think you're being unreasonable. He's 4 weeks old, he's your baby. Give him a chance before giving up nd paying someone to do your job.

People with money just give up it would seem

I really feel for you as I still have a non self settling DD. We did what we could to get DD2 to sleep and are still doing it, feed to sleep, rocking in buggy, white noise (which is fab, stick the hoover on now!)
DD2 got angry and I got angry, she screamed, I sceamed. It was not pretty and not nice for DD1 to see.
Get the sleep advice you need now, but you need advice on the reflux too.

Good luck.

Sorry that sounds really harsh. But it just seems to me that lot of people want all the good times with the baby's but want to pass them off on the paid people during the bad.

I hope you do whatever's best for you, nd get some sleep :)

Nice

How does that help whitewidow when the OP is at the end of her tether?

Babies*

Cereal queen, it's in AIBU, I am answering.

Would recommend cranial osteopathy at the place on ED High Street which is named after a popular clangers character.

But, also, do remember that this is all normal for a newborn. Tough but normal.

rhubarb it's hard with a baby and toddler, I've been there too but please don't let your 4 week old baby go hungry at night or have his needs not met. Take him in to sleep with you, cuddle him, offer him the breast to fall asleep...there's nothing wring with that, it doesn't mean that he'll always want it that way, it just means that you'll get SOME SLEEP.

whitewidow of all the things wrong with your post, the spelling is the least offensive

Op I think you should do whatever makes you feel more relaxed and happy. There's nothing worse than exhaustion and some decent sleep will make you feel so much better and able to cope. I didn't know this kind of service was available but you have received some great feedback from other people on this thread so try it and see if it works for your family xx

ceeveebee to me it is. What I've said is true.

The OP needs advice, regardless of where she has posted, she has done that as this thread gets most traffic DC2 is breaking me. A cry for help.

Harsh, Whitewidow, granted it's in AIBU, but that doesn't automatically mean the answer has to be completely without sympathy.
I would have paid any money to get DS1 to sleep after 5 solid months of undiagnosed reflux, screaming, projectile vomiting, strained marriage, and endless endless endless walking, jiggling, hugging, driving, our own tears etc. So, OP, go for it.
We used to have large extended family communities which would help us with this, now we are pretty much on our own in most cases. So what if money fills the gap? Parents will still be parents, even if someone else helps out with the hard times to save their mental health.

Good point dontlaugh.

There's nothing wrong with hiring a night nanny. I wouldn't judge anyone for doing it BUT...I would never let a stranger, albeit a professional one, look after my DS at night and not having any control over what she does. The thought makes me shiver.

whitewidow as I said in my first post on this thread, motherhood is not a test of endurance. I would have been dead on my feet without a night nanny, on the nights she wasn't there I often got 2 hours sleep and then had to look after twins all day. I have no family nearby and DH works crazy hours hence why we could afford it. You do not know enough about the OPs situation (or any of the other posters on this thread who have used night nannies) to make such a disparaging and judgemental remark.

Whitewidow that's why it feels like cheating. And that's exactly what I expected to hear when I posted in aibu, so it's really heartening that so many have said go for it and been so understanding. My mother would have said 'oh for god's sake Rhubarb just get on with it'. I think I post in aibu when I need to hear her voice, even when the words are not what I want to hear!

Mintyy it's closing down. V sad but they've got a great sale on

What if they were in hospital olimplia and were being nursed by medics you hadn't met? Just curious.
I'd imagine the night nanny is professionally qualified and vetted.

I can't believe some people are being so harsh about this, its awful not having sleep and although we couldn't afford a night nanny I would have jumped at the chance, at the end of the day - you hire them so its your rules and you are in the house with them anyway.

DS1 stayed overnight at my mums from 9 weeks as I was desperate and yes that is quite young but I was desperate and realised that it was better to get some sleep than lay in bed crying every time he woke up in the night, I would have ended up with serious depression no doubt which would have been nad for all of us of course.

We cuddled DS1 to sleep etc and we needed to at the time as it was the only way we could survive, we had DS2 in a routine from very early and he got himself to sleep - I have no idea if it was luck or if DS1 would have slept better if we had been different with him - who knows?!

What I do know is - sleep deprevation is hideous and when you have no more that 2 hours sleep at a time with 2 hours of crying and trying to settle a baby you become very 'low' very quickly!

I hope you get some sleep soon!!

No, but what I do know is I won't have another woman in my house doing the job I'm supposed to be doing.
It's not a test of endurance, but like I've already said too many women with money just pass their kids on during the tough times.

Anyway im going to use the cop out of 'that's my opinion'. Im not wanting to change yours and you're not going to change mine. I have been harsh on the OP, I've acknowledged that, but that's just me and that's how I go about this forum unfortunately.

I do genuinely hope she does whatever she feels best, and gets things sorted.