to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I don't give "pudding" kata - I would be happy for my DS to eat any of the food in my house at any time. So if he doesn't eat his dinner and wants porridge instead, or a slice of bread and cheese, that's fine, why force him to eat something he doesn't want? A child will only create a fuss around food if the parent turns it into a battleground. If a child knows that refusing their dinner will simply result in the dinner being removed and something boring being offered instead why would they bother refusing unless they genuinely didn't want the food?

I always make sure that there is some part of a meal that each DC will eat. I won't cook separate meals but I will adapt them, e.g. putting plain pasta on someone's plate before adding the sauce to the pan.

My DC don't have issues with food because I don't see their little quirks, likes and dislikes and varying appetites as issues. We all have little quirks, likes and dislikes and varying appetites.

We don't have pudding either. If one of them suddenly doesn't like the dinner (and really doesn't like it) I'd say have something else, have a sandwich, or cheese on toast or whatever.

yy all directions. Most of the food I make is mix and match, except pasta with tom sauce which everyone eats. So wraps with vegetables/chicken/beans so people can choose their combo etc etc

There's a difference between cooking something everyone will eat and cooking everyone's favourite though.

Why would you cook something people don't like and then make them eat it?

We don't have pudding either.

With my parents it was basically a case of "It's for dinner tonight, eat it if you want it, have bread if you don't." My sister always hated mince so she just had pasta and plain sauce on spag bol night. No problem. Dinner was always a pretty straightforward, angst free affair at our house.

I also never load up plates and hand them out like some kind of canteen staff - I put stuff on the table, and if one child only wants a bit of pasta sauce, and one only wants a bit of pasta but lots of bread, within the parameters of not hogging, that's fine.

as long as they eat up all their beetroot.

Mine do have to have vegetables (not beetroot) but if that means raw carrot and lettuce leaves, plain, no dressing, four nights in a row, who cares?

Some of you have missed the point - I cook what I KNOW everyone will eat. There are some meals however that one or other may try it on. Why would you offer an alternative to a meal you know they will eat? That in itself is v wasteful and does not teach them a very good lesson! Mum goes to the effort of cooking a meal. It's OK, but I'd rather have porridge....

If they don't want their dinner, it's fine to leave it, but they shouldn't expect to fill up on alternative (perhaps more attractive to them that day) choices.

I agree with hully, I cook things that everyone will eat. I don't put too much chilli in the food so everyone can eat it. Or if there are things they don't like I let them pick it out, or I grate it so they can't see it.
If it is a new meal and they don't like the look of it, they can eat bannanas, cereal, or just the rice/pasta/potato part. They get enough nutrition that missing one meal won't effect them, but I wouldnt leave them hungry as it makes them unreasonable, irritable, grumpy, and ruins the whole families evening and bed times. I my self get grumpy when hungry. Why would I expect a child not to?

Also the difference between now and the war is then adults ate what they didn't like too, it was a necessity for nutrition and well being.

There is just something so nasty in saying "No, I will choose what you put in your mouth."

Why not?

You get to choose (by cooking), why can't they choose?

I can't really imagine mine asking for an alternative for a meal they would eat - why would they do that?

But if they disliked something and were polite about it, I wouldn't want them to go hungry as a result.

Kata you seem to be assuming a child will refuse dinner just to annoy you. Why would they do that?

nailak - the only differenc is that I put chilli in everything and am called Asbestos Mouth by the poor scalded infants.

heh heh

I don't see providing a meal for my family as going to any effort and I don't expect validation for doing it. Maybe that's why I don't care if they don't fancy it.

I choose to cook what I know they will eat, even if not their favourite meal. They get to choose whether to eat it. Simple. No forcing involved.

Indo it myself, cook a meal and have it in the fridge but eat something more attractive to me that day. I really can't see what's wrong with that.

And no dessert here either. My dds will just not eat the meal and later help themselves to yoghurt, fruit, toast, cereal etc.

Most meals have several components so there is usually something they can eat. If not they can have a slice of bread and butter. We don't usually have puddings.

I will eat spaghetti bolognese, but not if I don't want it. I would be pretty pissed off DH served up bolognese and then insisted I eat it because I've eaten it before. It's ok not to want certain foods sometimes. Eating it once doesn't mean you have to eat it forever.

29 pages OP!

I don't offer an alternative, they just eat what they want or don't. If they don't eat it's because they're not hungry. But I never make a fuss.

I don't know why people keep commenting on the length of the thread. This a parenting website and dealing with food is an important part of parenting IMO.

I actually hate cooking and have very little interest in food (unless in a posh restaurant) so when I cook I make enough for two days running and if the dc don't much like it on the first day imagine their little faces when they know they've got it the next day too.

I am amazed. You really let DC refuse a meal you know they will eat and fill up on other stuff later?

And my DH would be pretty upset if he'd gone to the trouble of cooking something he knows I like and then I told him I didn't fancy it and went to get something else. Basic good manners - I would eat it!