My dh works abroad and wants to flat share with a young woman.

[iloveeverton]

Dh is working abroad for the long term since job options dried up here. I am staying in the UK for work and the dc school choices.

He is paying huge rent on a very small studio flat. He comes home most weekends.

He has replied to an online ad to live in a young ladies flat during the week, the rent is a fraction of what he pays now.

I do not think this is a bad idea, my dm thinks it's shocking! AIBU to think he should do this?

If you and DH are happy, then I don't see what it's got to do with your DM.

Lets be honest, if he were going to cheat, he'd do it regardless of where he was living, or who he was living with.

Absolutely fine, if you trust him!

I do trust him- feel a bit sorry for the girl when she realises how messy he is.

Depends on trust. You obviously trust him. Don't see the problem myself. However your mother clearly thinks anyone with a vagina living with someone with a penis will automatically have some sort of intimate relationship.

I agree with your DM.

Your DH may well be the most faithful loving husband in the world but I have heard of too many marriages breaking up due to romances while the husband ( or wife) is working abroad.

Part of the problem is loneliness, another less to do in spare time, another is that no one knows you and you feel less guilty about having an affair.

I trust my DH but I wouldn't be happy about this. That is no reflection on my DH - just my own stupid insecurities. I'd probably feel better if I met the woman he was sharing with.

However, I certainly wouldn't think you were crazy to go along with it. Just that I can see why your DM has reacted as she has.

Hebie But her DH could have a 'romance' with someone else anyway, even if he doesn't live with them! House-sharing with someone of the opposite sex makes it no more or less likely than if he stays where he is now.

I shared with a young man when I was 23 and it was for money saving reasons only! well he was 30 and I was 23...we never even flirted! He was good looking..>I was good looking (ahem) and we were just flatmates pure and simple.

It's fine

I think I would be jealous but mostly because she got to spend time with DH and I didn't.

It sounds like a perfectly reasonable solution to your DH's financial/housing situation to me. Your mother's being daft.

If he lived on his own he could be upto whatever anyway. So long as you are fine with it, it is nobody elses business.

I wouldn't like it. I don't know if I'm unreasonable though. Perhaps I am...

How would your dh feel if you took in a male lodger? Just curious.

I think this is ok on the surface, but then when you go deeper it is possibly going to become very weird for your dp and then very comfortable - who will end up living with a female for 4/5 nights a week and then going home to his wife for 2/3 nights a week.

regardless of whether you trust him is the fact that do you really want your dp living with another woman? As that is what is going to happen, they will spend time together - and possibly a lot more time together than you will.

You trust your DH, as you should.
But can you trust the woman? If she fancies him, undresses provocatively and makes a pass at him he is going to find it very hard to resist.

I wouldn't have a problem from a point of view of trust.

BUT

I would hate, hate, hate that I was home on my own and DH was (in my imagination) having friendly cups of tea/dinner/glass of wine with another woman. It would make me unreasonable, even if the poor bugger was doing nothing.

Sallying personally, I think that's utter rubbish.

Predatory woman, dressing all provocatively and the poor man unable to resist?

I shared with a bloke, I was engaged to someone else at the time.

I am now married to my rookie and have been for 21 years

Sorry not what you want to hear is it?

roomie

Infidelity is lazy. Whether it's a one night thing or a full blown affair, people rarely go a long way to stray. This is an extra temptation, and living with someone throws up situations that you don't get when working with someone - late night drunken chats with a bed 10m away etc.

I trust my DH completely. This would be an additional temptation, but it wouldn't really bother me. I would suggest to my DH to check other rental oprtions though, simply because eg a room in a family home might suit him better and he might be able to get a cooked meal thrown in with the rent. Has he flat shared recently? He might find himself stuck in his bedroom whilst the woman and her BF take over the living room.

Flisspaps.
Have you ever seduced a man who wasn't particularly willing? I assure you it can be done!

Rubbish!

I fail to see why I would want to seduce a man who wasn't particularly willing. Sounds weird and self-loathing to me.

I wouldnt mind

I think it's very unusual for a married man with children to share with a single lady. May be innocent but it is not the norm and surely there are good reasons for that.

He should look for another male flatshare. Is his company not helping out with the rent?

Oh, I meant to say in my earlier post that we had problems before and me ending up with the roomie wasn't a big surprise, we would've split up anyway, I am pretty sure of that.