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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is mumsnet so anti men?

164 replies

LolaKicks · 16/06/2012 19:59

I joined mumsnet because I am currently seven months pregnant, but I didn't expect it to be so negative towards men. Husbands always seem to be in the wrong and for most posts there seems to be a reply of "leave the bastard" or "he seems abusive to me" even when it is not warranted.

I am not saying that the relationships being posted about are all sweetness and light, but surely females are in the wrong sometimes. In some cases it is okay for a woman to something i.e. tell a lie or buy something secretly, however a shooting offence for the man in the relationship to do the same thing.

Maybe I am naive but I thought this was a parenting website and I and really questioning whether it is worth sticking around. So am I being unreasonable and unrealistic?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 16/06/2012 23:01

CaptainNancy

"This is a female space"

Nope, its a parenting space, the clue is up in the title somewhere :)

OP

there are some very Anti-male posters. Lurk a while and you will spot who they are.

but most are quite nice.

EclecticShock · 16/06/2012 23:04

Agree with boney... It's a parenting space. The name is misleading, I think it should be changed. However, women without children are free to get involved and so should men be.

EclecticShock · 16/06/2012 23:07

In fact, thinking about it- mumsnet, for parents by parents is incongruous. Should rename it parents net or put for mothers by mothers...

Krumbum · 16/06/2012 23:09

I think mumsnet is a brilliant space for women from all different parts of society to share and support. I think it is an important thing in this patriarchal society that spaces like this exist. Obviously originally it was just for parenting info but it has evolved organically.

Huansagain · 16/06/2012 23:11

Is Mumsnet just for women?

Krumbum · 16/06/2012 23:14

Not officially, but I feel it has grown into that naturally.

traffichalter · 16/06/2012 23:16

I only found out about Petnet today.

Lookup · 16/06/2012 23:16

MN will change your life

make you a stronger woman

it is this inner strength in women that it fosters that may make you think of it as anti men - only in the sense that women who have previously thought themselves incapable of so much, for whatever reasons, find, for some reason, the answers they need to be stronger at life, miraculously from the wonderful anonymous females on MN

stick around, you'll relish the company when youre figuring out a newborn in the middle of the nightfeeds soon enough

Spero · 16/06/2012 23:18

I remember being told off for discussing euthanasia on a 'parenting' website. As if that poster had some List of Acceptable Topics for Parents.

The beauty (and the horror) of the internet is that it is a wild and uncontrollable beast. I do not think this is a place for or against anything. It is a place where lots of different people come to air their views. There is always some nugget of gold worth mining, even if you sometimes have to dig through a lot of passive aggressive nonsense.

I think its great. I have learned a lot. I have even been accused of being a man.

If you don't like it, go away, set up your own website. Then watch in horror as it is taken over by people with whom you might not necessarily agree.

happybubblebrain · 16/06/2012 23:22

OP - wait until your baby is born.
That's all I'm saying.

Lookup · 16/06/2012 23:23

plus agree with whoever said that if the posts about the shit guys were posted,then we have to as a collective, at least try to help the OP figure it out

and often, protect the OP from any DV, potentially...

begs ghe question, if it is so anti-men, then why do posters post about their men problems in the first place?

Anniegetyourgun · 16/06/2012 23:23

Mothers and mothers-in-law get a terrible pasting here too quite frequently. Last time I checked the majority of these were at least passing as female...

Lookup · 16/06/2012 23:26

because then the posters wouldnt bother posting, as they would assume no o e would offer any balanced view in helping them

plusplus, the replies are often from such a wide variety of professions, so potentially, on MN there is immediate access to professional advice from amazing imtelligent women

so better than the NHS or somesuch...

not really keeping to your question OP but you get my drift hopefully

i think I need sleep...

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/06/2012 23:33

Lookup
"begs ghe question, if it is so anti-men, then why do posters post about their men problems in the first place?"

If MN was totally anti men then women would post for comformation of the man being wrong.

luckily enough 90% of the posters are nice normal people.

Sleepydog · 16/06/2012 23:37

Mumsnet is not anti men - it's just the threads that you have happened to come across - some weeks you will think that MN is anti dog , the other week with the Jubilee you may have thought that MN was anti royal, this week with the Euro 2012 you may find that it is anti-football.

Lookup · 16/06/2012 23:40

thanks boneyback, that's what I was trying to express, but my words are jumbling xx

Springforward · 16/06/2012 23:42

I don't think it's anti-men.

seeker · 16/06/2012 23:43

And actually, in my experience quite often large swathes of mumsnet are taken up with women defending, excusing and explaining completely unacceptqble behaviour by men, and telling other women how to modify their behaviour in order to accommodate said bad behaviour!

splashymcsplash · 16/06/2012 23:44

I do agree with the knee jerk 'leave the bastard' posts. I wonder how many of these posters would do the same.

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2012 23:46

it is this inner strength in women that it fosters that may make you think of it as anti men - only in the sense that women who have previously thought themselves incapable of so much, for whatever reasons, find, for some reason, the answers they need to be stronger at life, miraculously from the wonderful anonymous females on MN

YY but this is the internet so what happens if the 'wonderful anonymous females' are actually male?

What if the 'wonderful anonymous females' are just shit stirring trolls?

What if the 'wonderful anonymous females' are projecting?

It's not the 'inner strength it fosters' that makes me think MN has some very anti male posters...it's the nasty piss taking insults directed towards men that would not be directed towards women in the same situation.

That is what makes me think MN has some very anti men posters.

Lookup · 16/06/2012 23:52

true Worra

was just telling OP that MN can help with 'life' then

male or female

also getting strength to deal with life is also quickly learned on MN by having to tackle the insults to your posts, which you only intended were to help the OP figure it out

the insults, and nitpicking of comments is unfortunately a major negative of MN

sleep needed, night all

echt · 16/06/2012 23:56

MN isn't anti-men. People post about matters individual to them and they're nearly always a problem, otherwise they would't be posting. Happiness writes white they say.

Its mums, not dads, net so mostly women post, and mostly they are in relationships with men.

TiggyD · 16/06/2012 23:59

"the insults, and nitpicking of comments is unfortunately a major negative of MN"

What nitpicking?

(You needed a capital T at the start of your sentence and a full stop at the end. And did you really need that comma?)

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2012 00:04

Tiggy Grin

Sleep well Lookup

LondonKitty · 17/06/2012 00:09

I'm trying to get to grips with this notion of the woman being wrong....
Confused

NEVER happens in our house.... No, not familiar with it...