To be angry that xh allowed DD to drink wine on a school night?

[Dizzykizzy]

DD was staying with XH who lives with his parents. She is 15 and not used to drinking. She was encouraged to have a glass of wine in the evening by stupid grandmother but it was a school night AND she was in the middle of her end of year exams so had two exams the following day.

She has an occasional very watered down alcopop in the past with me but only at weekends and she hasn't yet got into drinking with her mates. She thought it was all quite funny and tells me that her friends are drinking all the time at home but surely not on a school night?!

AIBU to be angry with XH who allowed it and do other 15 year olds drink on a school night??

What was the occasion? If it was something special like a birthday or a celebration I'd let it slide

If it was a random glass if wine I'd be not so happy.

You let your 15yo drink though?! My 14yo wouldn't be allowed more than a sip from my glass. One sip. At Christmas.

Why the rush for DC to drink alcohol?

I agree with you.

Does he have an agenda to undermine you?

I would not have given my DC alcohol on a school night at the age of 15.

My DSs are in their 20s and drink responsibly.

DD is 14 and has had the occasional half glass of champagne at weddings and celebrations.

Your Ex and his mother are irresponsible IMO.

I don't have 15 year old sorry. Was the wine drunk with a meal?

Have you spoken to your XH about this?

Drinking and teenagers is one of things I'm a bit ambivalent about as I'm never sure if having wine/alcohol at home in a controlled environment is sensible or encouraging the teenager to drink more.

It's never good though, in a split family when things happen at the 'other' house that you don't approve of. I know myself how hard that is.

One glass of wine is hardly crime of the century.

One small glass of wine isnt likely to effect her the following day id just tell him that you would rather it didnt happen on a school night

No special occasion and drinking with me at home is rare occurrence only in the last few months (could count the times on one hand).

YABU A single glass of wine isn't going to affect her the next day

For some families it is normal to have a glass of wine with dinner. At 15 I don't see the problem with showing her a responsible way to drink. It won't have effected her school performance. Personally I'd sooner she drank wine than an alcopop.

It doesn't matter if it's going to affect her the next day. The problem is her being given it in the first place. If there as no occasion, what was the need in her to have it?

He's not trying to be the 'cool' parent is he?

WW, she is 15 though, not 5... an age when the vast majority of her peers will be having a drink more often. One glass of wine is not going to have an effect on her, and surely her father has an equal say in what she is allowed.

I know, at that age I'd have been sat on the park with a bottle of MD 20/20, but I don't think that's the point. It's WHY was she given it
I might just be being an arse here, but I just don't get it.

You should not be encouraging her to drink at home at all, even watered down alcopops ( actually, alcopops are inherrently dodgy imo) IMO. Nor should her dad.

Yes, to be fair I was drinking Merrydown cider on a park bench too at that age WW.

Maybe I'm being a prude but it worried me that DD thought it was funny (maybe cool?) that she had been given it. I just thought it wasn't right given that she isn't used to it and she had exams the next day.

Isn´t the problem that she was coerced/didn´t feel able to say no?

OP-if you´ve also given her alcohol, I´m not sure you should be so outraged tbh.

Alcopops because her friends all drink WKD and watered down they are far less alcoholic than wine. Why are they dodgy?

Perhaps your ex is of the they-are-going-to-start-doing-it-soon-anyway-might-as-well-do-it-with-us-where-we-know-they-are-safe school.

TBH I don't see the problem with one glass of wine, particularly if it was with a meal. When she's 16 she'll be able to buy it in a restaurant with a meal.

watered down wkd sounds revolting why not just give her 1 bottle or a glass nobody could get drunk off 1 alcopop.
Tbh loads of people give alcohol in small quantities at home her father doing it isnt any differnt to a mother doing it imo

Alcopops contain spirits and go down a lot quicker and easier than sipping on a glass of wine though.

I would say it is better to learn to drink responsibly with a proper drink, than be encouraged to guzzle alcopops which go down very quickly, and many kids dont even realise they are pissed on them until it is too late. That to me is the danger of those type of drinks.

Alcopops are dodgy because they are aimed at young people so they can get hammered easily.

One glass of wine could easily affect a 15 year old the next day if they are nit used to alcohol.

Encouraging a teenager to drink alcohol on a school night during exams is just being a dick.

I do think YABU. One drink will not affect her the next day. Unless it was half a pint of gin or a mouthful of meths.
I would rather my DD drank wine than alcopops TBH. Not sure why though.

Why be cross at anyone other than your daughter ?

Use it as an example of being easily lead - get her to strenthen her own back-bone.

If she can be easily persuaded to have a drink she can be easily persuaded by peers and fellas to do much more.

I think the reason why he did it is important, and has a bearing on whether the op is right to be so concerned.

missanerly merry down! Or 'mezz' as we called it. Have some good memories of that