To be absolutely LIVID with my kids?? Do I expect too much? honesty please

[Fragmin]

So, just started a new job, 13 hour shifts, 3 days a week.

My kids are 12 and 13. Neither are special needs or have any other excuses.

I have to set off for work at 6.30am which means they have to be trusted to get themselves up (well, I wake them but they are free to lounge in bed until later with an alarm on incase they fall asleep.

Request 1 - get up and leave the house for school before 8.20am.

Now, as I don't get home until 8.30pm they kids are free to go to their grandma's house when they get home from school - however they prefer to come straight home.

Request 2 - keep the house reasonably tidy.

And, as a rare treat I told them to take £20 out of the kitty tonight for a takeaway 1, so that they could eat before I got home and 2, to save me cooking.

Request 3 - just pop into the chinese (they walk past it on the way to their favourite take-away) and grab me a portion of noodles and curry I can warm up when I get home.

So - do I ask too much? really? Because

a) DS2 decides he'd stay home from school all day and paint his skateboard. I didn't know until I got home at 8.15pm (finished early).

b) The house was an absolute tip. Sweet wrappers all over the living room floor, cushions thrown all over, pots everwhere - honestly it looked like a bunch of toddlers had been shown in and told to "go crazy". Very nice to walk into after a 13 hour shift.

c) they couldn't even be arsed to wait 5 minutes in the chinese for my tea. Got themselves theirs of course, spent the money I left them then fucked off home leaving me with nothing for my tea.

Maybe it's because I had a particularly hard day at work but I'm so angry I could cry.

Bogeyface - yes, they're at school for the day part. So they do have some adult intervention. However, can you not see how incredibly isolating it must be to be without parents from getting up time (done themselves), out of the house, back to the same empty house, until well into the evening?
Not seeing their parents once for 14 hours and being the adult and responsible for themselves the entire time.
It's like they don't have a parent. Which must be a lonely thought for them.

14 hours with no parent each day is too long

It isnt each fucking day!!!!!

FFS, does no one RTFOP?!

DS2 wasn't at school. He skived off.

On their own for an hour or so after school, fair enough. 8.30 from 6am is a long time to be responsible for yourself at the age of 12 though.

Well of course.

Because apparently this place is full of wonderful parents who never have to work, never have to leave their DCs at home unless they are 35, never need to have their DCs help around the house and if they ever need to go out, manage to find this mythical childcare for 14 yo DCs.

I think a text to say they're in school and an understanding that you will be checking their attendance and you won't be writing notes would work for the mornings. I think the evening is more of a concern. It basically means you have no idea where they are or what they're doing - or who they're with - for 5 hours.

She works three days a week landof, not abandoning to work on the rigs for three months at a time.

I am sure that if the OP won the lottery she would pack it in in a heartbeat. But as the situation is what it is, then it isnt too much to expect that 3 days a week they sort themselves out without trashing the house, skiving off school and taking the piss with her money.

It's still 3 days!! So a regular occurrence, and not a one off, is it?!

I notice all the smug 'this is crap/non-existent parenting' have no useful suggestions about managing a situation like this, other than to suggest it shouldn't happen

There is a solution, the children go to their Granny's house and are collected by their mother on her way home. It seems her mum is happy to have them.

There is nothing smug in that at all.

bogeyface if either of my sons turn out to be straight and marry a woman, I would expect her to be a proper wife and cook and clean. As the man of the house, it is their responsibility to deal with the bills.

If the DW is ill, I would be more than happy to let DS be with his wife and do my duty as mother/mother-in-law and help out in anyway he needs, be that cooking or cleaning etc.

I realise this will anger any feminists on here, but I was brought up the old fashioned way and believe in it.

I honestly think that as long as I provide love, stability, authority and provide them with meals and clean clothes, that they will get by okay.

That said, every Tuesday DS1 (almost 4) and I bake cakes - together. He loves this and looks forward to this every week.

And, DS2 (almost 2) loves helping me put the washing in the machine. He throws in one of those liquid tab things and presses the buttons.

Also, they both love to help vaccum and polish.

Err, I'm starting to forget whose side I'm on here...

OP pack them off to grannies, that'l teach em.

That what narkedraspberry said. The evenings is a concern, they could be anywhere or with anyone and you'd be none the wiser. One not even in their teens. A sobering thought.

I did say that they should be at school, assuming they are not skiving, which is a different issue.

Incidentally, my DDs school sends a text if they are not registered by 10 am. It was useful to know it worked when she was in hospital having her tonsils out!

Again, it is not like they don't have a parent

If they had no parent, they would be working, paying the bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing.

Instead they have a parent working hard to support her family and teenage DCs with a few jobs to do.

3 days a week FFS.

I don't care which side your on as long as it isn't mine

I'm terribly sorry, you appear to have fallen out of the 1950s.

I really REALLY hope you are joking Mrs Rigsby.

{hides thread}

I won't be leaving mine until the are 45 and high court judge.

What can you do with children 10 years plus when you have to work? Do child minders take kids of that age? there doesn't seem to be many/any options available.

3 days a week?! Oh no! They might MELT!!!!!!!

FFS

It doesn't sound like the school contacted the OP today - perhaps that is an avenue to pursue, find out what their policy is on following up on absences. It might give the OP some ammunition when she speaks to her DCs.

They might not be paying the bills, but they've got an adult's life in every other sense of the word. They ARE meant to sort their own teas out and feed themselves, they ARE meant to be doing chores, they ARE doing half the things you just listed.

I hope it isn't my side either.

And Im so glad my DS has grown up to know he can look after himself, he doesn't need to find a wife to do it.

Nope mini, they dont. So you are either working and do the best you can and hope it works out. In which case you are a bad mother.

Or you dont work and claim benefits. In which case you are a work shy scrounger.

Bit of a bastard either way really.

They are not doing half the things I listed.

They are not working, paying bills, washing, ironing, shopping or cooking.

They do not have an adult life in any way, shape or form.

but they've got an adult's life in every other sense of the word.

I don't know what sort of adult you are - but if you have three chores a day to do and no work or bills to pay - what sort of adult are you?