AIBU to think that women should not have to be discreet when breastfeeding?

[lalaland3008]

I'm not saying that anyone should purposely flop both boobs out into someones dinner. But it makes me really mad that some people think women should have to be discreet when feeding their baby, sit in a corner or breastfeeding 'booth'.

I also think a breast is just not comparable to a penis to a vagina and if people are offended because they see breasts as purely sexual then that is their own problem.

Noone would object to me sitting in public drinking my coffee or feeding my baby a bottle of cows milk yet people find breastmilk offensive.

I'm not bitty mad I lasted 2 weeks breastfeeding but it still makes my blood boil that it is seen as controversial by many.

AIBU?

I thought it was universally known that weeing and pooing is how the body gets rid of the excess products of food.

BFing is how the body takes in the food.

yellow- actually, a BF baby's poo and wee don't smell that horrible (unless they've been sitting in it for a while... )

thanks Mabli :)

Is BFing in public like eating in the street then? Because that would make my Nana tut loudly in disapproval

hackmum, no it wasn't you! It was whatmeworry. I'm interested in your point that the madonna and child painters had never seen breastfeeding as it's so badly pictured - it looks like they've never seen breasts either! Some of the breasts in those paintings are hilarious.

StealthPolarBear Thu 14-Jun-12 08:45:24
"OK, then explain it to me.
Why are breasts primarily sexual and mouths not?"

Cultural thing.

Not all cultures view breasts as sexual to the same extent; still plenty of cultures where they are not covered in everyday life at all and there were many more before Victorian missionaries got in. There are even small differences between European cultures in this: breasts do on the whole seem to carry more erotic significance in the UK compared to northern Europe.

Otoh as we all know, some Muslim cultures view a woman's face as so sexually exciting that it has to be covered up in the presence of men.

In Victorian times, ankles were considered so sexual that even chair legs had to be covered in chintz.

The current view that it is wrong for a child to show knickers while cartwheeling seems quite recent.

I think the real question is, do you have to accept the cultural norms and squeamishness of the culture you live in or is it ok to point out that some types of sensitivity ends up restricting the lives of certain sectors of the population?

hackmum, no it wasn't you! It was whatmeworry.

Sigh...that's not what i said. More deliberate obtuseness.

exactly, Mabli - it can only be disgusting if you believe that eating in the street is disgusting.
but then, that only applies to BFing in the street - in a cafe, where everyone else is eating, it can't possibly be disgusting - it makes no sense whatsoever for it to be perceived as disgusting!
in fact, it's even less so, because the baby has no concept of time, place etc - all it knows is that it's hungry.

cory that thing about chair legs being covered up in Victorian times isn't true by the way.

went to visit my sisters friend not long ago. She walks around topless when she's breastfeeding a fair bit. It made my bil a bit uncomfortable, which I can understand, because we live in a culture where breasts are covered for most of the time. It doesn't bother me, but I know it bothers others, so I always used a muslin and chose my top carefully when I was breastfeeding, for that reason.

Whatmeworry, do you accept that me calling you patronising is not part of some grand argument, it's just me calling you patronising?

MainlyMainie: "Some of the breasts in those paintings are hilarious."

Ha, that's a good point! it makes you wonder whether it's deliberately stylised (Shagmund's point, I think) or whether they just haven't got a clue. I notice the baby Jesus doesn't look like a baby, either, so perhaps some of these painters have never seen babies or tits.

"there are still some countries where people shit at the side of the road," - yes, but as you say,that's because of a lack of toilets! And women often pull their saris over their heads so their faces can't be seen while they're crapping....

"I think the real question is, do you have to accept the cultural norms and squeamishness of the culture you live in or is it ok to point out that some types of sensitivity ends up restricting the lives of certain sectors of the population?"

Good point, well made.

I think that cultural squeamishness about breastfeeding does play at least a part in the early cessation of breastfeeding in the UK.

I think it comes down to this. You're in Costa, drinking a coffee, eating an over priced sarnie. Three tables away a baby starts screaming. No matter how squeamish you are would you rather a.) baby continues screaming and driving everyone to distraction as well as being unhappy, or, b.) baby gets boob, part of which may be visible if you stare and which may not be attached to a pert young 'sex kitten' (), and is then quiet.

Who has really, genuinely, seen a lady topless breastfeeding in Costa other coffee chains are available? What you do in your own home is a different matter imho.

yellowraincoat Thu 14-Jun-12 12:29:05
"cory that thing about chair legs being covered up in Victorian times isn't"

You may well be right there; I haven't got a reference.

But it is well attested that human legs were considered so improper that you couldn't even mention them in polite society (see for instance, Hans Fallada's autobiography where his mum gets into trouble for telling him to keep his legs still- that would have been in the early 1900s). And you certainly couldn't show them.

cory

I got in trouble in the 70s for doing hand-stands and cart wheels in the playground of the children's home I was raised up in because my father was parked across the road and had asked me to get some of my friends and show him and his friends how good we were at it.

I was upset with the matron for chasing my father and his friend off.

At the time, I hadn't made the connection that my father and his friend were behaving inappropriately. It only struck me at age 12, when I went to live with him. My father was a peadophile.

Yes, children should be left to get on with innocent pursuits, but sometimes, danger lurks nearby without you even realising it.

I have breastfed on a bench right outside a footie stadium on match day, and on a train opposite a strange bloke, but I found it quite easy to do it without actually exposing my tits.
Would I want to eat under a blanket? I think if I was 8 weeks old I wouldn't particularly care.
I don't want an eyeful of ANYONE'S giant scary nipples ,particularly when I am trying to eat my lunch, so on that basis YABU.

Cory - ooh, I didn't realise Hans Fallada had written an autobiography. I'll go and have a look for that. (Loved Alone in Berliln.)

Sorry, off-topic! (But then again we've done the bf in public thing so many times, is there anything left to say?)

God, pantylace, that is a really awful story .

Yanbu. It irritates me that men can walk about topless and if women do it it's illegal. It's all part of the same thing that women's bodies are somehow offensive. I WILL be whacking both (G) boobs out in peoples faces when I breast feed!!

About the art thing: medieval painters who did not show realistic bf or realistic babies were just painting that way 'cos they had yet to learn how to paint 'better'. One of the reasons why Leonardo da Vinci and the other Italian renaissance painters were so wonderful is that they could represent reality more accurately.

Breastfeeding is a powerful religious symbol of mothering and care in many paintings.

whatmeworry I couldn't give two lesser flying figs as to how comfortable some freakish wierdo prude stranger felt if I was bf in public. My babies health, and hunger, is my concern.

I had clothes chosen specially to avoid nipple exposure, beautiful loose silk blouses that fell down instantly when babys head wasn't latched on. Simple.

whatmeworry, you have used the word obtuse so many times that I'm not at all sure you understand what it means.

Just to make a bit of a point, you argue against comparing it to weeing and pooing in public because of sanitation, what about portaloos? They don't have to have walls. Would you use one? Would you want to see people using one?

I know opening ones bowels is different to feeding your babies, but you keep going on about how it's 'natural'. Nothing more natural than that I suppose