AIBU to think that women should not have to be discreet when breastfeeding?

[lalaland3008]

I'm not saying that anyone should purposely flop both boobs out into someones dinner. But it makes me really mad that some people think women should have to be discreet when feeding their baby, sit in a corner or breastfeeding 'booth'.

I also think a breast is just not comparable to a penis to a vagina and if people are offended because they see breasts as purely sexual then that is their own problem.

Noone would object to me sitting in public drinking my coffee or feeding my baby a bottle of cows milk yet people find breastmilk offensive.

I'm not bitty mad I lasted 2 weeks breastfeeding but it still makes my blood boil that it is seen as controversial by many.

AIBU?

You're right gabsid BFing numbers are low. Which may be why we should be encouraging women to BF however and whenever they want. If hardly anyone BFs and from this thread it seems that the vast majority of those who do like to do it 'discretely' how is this a problem. You might see a boob once in a while but really, who cares?

Do you come form a country where everyone BFs and they all do it discretely?

McKayz - get some BF help early (best at the very start) and don't give up.

I BF anywhere and everywhere for 2 1/2 years (2 babies) and no-body ever said a word or looked (as far as I am aware). But I think it was quite obvious what I was doing, especially when the babies got older.

Mrs Terry - Did I say it was a problem to bf? Did I say it was a problem to see a bit of flesh?

I was talking about one occasion where I felt the woman was inappropriate in the way she went about it - maybe she wanted to show to everyone that she was bf.

I do have seen a lot of women bf and I like seeing it but on that occasion I didn't.

Aargh gabsid you are still talking about the process of bf as if it is shameful and repulsive in some way....

That is the problem with the word discreet - you only need to be discreet about something inherently offensive or wrong.

Why on earth shouldn't she have got her breast out first? I wouldn't have done it like that because I am too self conscious and more worried about other people's ridiculous opinions. Doesn't mean it is wrong though - I wish I had the nerve to feed like that because if more of us did then perhaps it would seem more normal.

As it is we live in a society where women are ashamed to admit they are bfing a baby any older than newborn and ashamed to actually give a feed unless shrouded in some way.

That is what is bizarre about our society IMHO.

Gabsid, so were you offended?

What is with people being offended by bf? Some women have larger breasts, some babies are tricky to feed. Seriously, you would put your own misplaced sensibilities before a child's need to eat?

Not offended, but I thought it was inappropriate, I don't see that kind of thing everyday. Around here that sort of practice isn't the norm.

Far more offensive is the man who sat opposite me in Starbucks yesterday.

There I was, settled on a sofa with the Times, surrounded by like-minded Londoners who'd come to a quiet back street to escape the hustle and bustle. I was all set to enjoy my over-priced, sugary iced coffee drink when a man sat opposite me and proceeded to slurp and chew his way through a muffin for about 3 hours.

But I don't see hoards of people telling noisy eaters to go and eat in a bathroom.

"Not offended, but I thought it was inappropriate, I don't see that kind of thing everyday. Around here that sort of practice isn't the norm."

Just because a behaviour isn't the norm doesn't make it inappropriate always. The constructs of society aren't always right, they are just the way things are done at any given moment in society, they can change and IMO our norms regarding bf do need to change in this country.

So if it wasn't offensive then that's fine.

Electric - well, there you go!

I am not having anymore DC, but if I did I would just feed them the way I did before. I didn't need to cover much to feed my babies, but still nobody took much notice. Pull up the T-shirt, pop it on, end of.

I felt no desire to change the norm. In any case, the norm here is FF.

gabsid you know nothing about that woman who got her breast out before picking up her child. It's none of your business, but perhaps she has a fussy baby who doesn't sit quietly on her lap whilst she unhooks her bra. Perhaps she didn't have a nursing bra on and had to do something fiddly with her regular bra. Even if it was just her preference it is not your business.

I am surprised at the number of women who are bothered by other women's bodies. It's undoubtedly due to our conditioning that if you are not a skinny model you should walk around in a sack-cloth and hide yourself away. I find it interesting that the woman's breast size is relevant. This is telling.

Outnumbered. I hadn't noticed that actually. But now it's quite obvious. On this thread it hadn't been 'the mum got her small pert breast out' its all been 'the woman whacked out her huge tit'

I wonder why.

It's pure jealousy of my awesome norks. The big breasts that were the envy of all when I was in my 20s are now the dirty, milky shame that I must hide away. Perhaps it isn't breasts that are shameful, but motherhood. I am being a little tongue in cheek before everyone gets scary.

lol at dirty milky shame

YABU I see no reason to bare your tits in public. Totally unnecessary IMO.

I see no reason for a lot of things. However, if they have no impact on me whatsoever, I just tend not to worry about them too much.

When I have a child and I (REALLY HOPE) I can breastfeed, I will be discreet because I'm a shy person. I really don't care what other mothers do. They're feeding their children, surely that's to be commended?

Gabsid I would like to point out your posts:

Post1 : ''I did BF for over 2 years (2 DC) anywhere and everywhere, but when I saw a woman at a playgroup pop her very big breast out in front of me to feed her quiet and very complient baby, my eyes almost poped out'' the link here explains cues; crying is a late cue so this responsive mother didn't ignore her baby cueing

Post2 : ''It was the fact that she just got it all out, stripped off in public. I preferred to feed my babies a bit more discreetly, I usually pulled my top up and had some sort of loose cardigan over the top.'' So now the mother didn't pop out one big breast, she stripped off in public. Okaaaaaay. Not what you explained in prev post, but ho hum, let's read on.

Post3 : ''This country really amazes me sometimes. On the one hand, hardly anyone breastfeeds and on the other hand some of those who do seem to feel the need to show it to the whole world.

See a bit of flesh, that wasn't the issue, neither the fact that she had big breasts - but to pop the breast out and then get her baby ... I have only seen that once - and quite a few of you seem to think that's appropriate .

I just used to get on with it and didn't feel the need to show to the whole room what I was doing. I am sure no-one missed it on that occasion!'' So now she didn't respond to her baby's early cues, now she didn't pop out one big breast, she popped out her breast and then got the baby out. Very confusing for you, I'm sure. And me.

Random - the last post was about myself - at first, sorry.

I don't quite get your link to feeding on demand. Surely, you don't have to make such a show to feed on demand. I managed, as I never had much milk and therefore had to feed very, very often, especially when they were small.

I didn't read the whole thread, but neither do I understand why, aparently so many women are worried about bf in public. To be honest, I am not sure what my MIL thought about it, but she certainly never said a word. Otherwise, I never had any objections, maybe the odd smile from another mum.

However, if you are out to change cultural norms then go ahead, but you will be criticised - for the next 10-20 years.

gabsid - but these attitudes are why people are so worried about bf in public! Because on the one hand our society says it is ok to do it when out and about - but please do it discreetly. Don't pop out a large breast, in fact pretend you are not really doing it. Because although it is best or you and your baby it is actually pretty repulsive for everyone else to witness...

It plays upon vulnerabilities and insecurities. Surely if we all stood up and said I am going to feed my baby exactly as I want to with whatever degree of clothing/shrouding/furtiveness I feel comfortable with...then bf would be more accepted and more prevalent.

There is nothing shameful or repulsive about bf so there is no need to hide it. Isn't that what the message should be?

Ya godda love the way the wolf pack jumps on opposing opinion on this thread. Gabsids turn for sarcy comments thrown at her. "are you always such a delicate little flower?"

No she's not. She's given her opinion and you don't like it so you've gone all school playground on her. Nah nah nah nah nah. WTF?

So only the pro lobbing your tit out group is safe to post on this thread without any taunts.

Too bad you woman don't like the truth.

Truth is, people don't mind discreet breastfeeding, but that's not enough for you lot. No. Until it is accepted that the whole breast will be exposed because God dammit it's our right, these mums wont be happy.

But "put them away love" to the fit bird with her chest out. Well, when it's accepted that the woman who's not a mother has the right to expose what she wants I wont be accepting nursing mothers doing it.

Have a little self respect and use a little discretion, instead of making up feeble excuses for why it's your right to fully expose yourself. There really is no need. And that comes from a D chest mum who did publicly breast feed!

Ah, that must be it on here! Is it those women who flash everything in their teens and early twenties and then do (or not) do the same when they feed their babies? Well, I don't think that's appropriate either and neither do I find it very attractive.

I really enjoyed cuddling up with my baby in a coffee shop while he/she fed and slowly went off to sleep while I watched the world go by and read by book - it was bliss!!! I miss that time!!!

Sorry, but I don't get all that negativity. Someone was talking about 'milky shame' . Maybe I have been living in my blissful bubble - but I was happy there.

temp - you say 'there is nothing shameful about bf ...' - I never felt there was and I don't understand why you lot just keep going on about it being so.

Truth is, people don't mind discreet breastfeeding, but that's not enough for you lot. No. Until it is accepted that the whole breast will be exposed because God dammit it's our right, these mums wont be happy.

As someone upthread noted, this shower are also the first to screech disapproval at nubile breasts being exposed without a baby attached :)