to think that there is worrying about money and then there is worrying about money?

[bogeyface]

My parents (baby boomers, yes yes I know!) have been dealing with a situation over the last year that may mean early retirement by about 2 years (they are in their 60s but hadnt planned to retire until 65). I realise that this has altered their financial situation but I am finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth closed when mum talks about their money "worries".

To me, money worries means having to cut right back, worrying about paying bills/rent, food, clothes, shoes etc. It does not mean worrying about not being able to have 2 foreign holidays a year.

If I had genuine money worries I wouldnt be spending £2.5k on a weeks holiday (booked after this all came to light btw) which they are currently on.

I dont resent them their money, its theirs and they have worked for it, but I wish that they would appreciate that having to cut back slightly on a lifestyle that they like is totally different to living under the threat of redundancy and losing your home (as we are). It seems very insensitive to me that she doesnt see the difference. They are mortgage free, so no housing costs either. Mum has been moaning alot about possible changes to public service pensions (which wont actually affect her now, I just think she likes moaning) despite her having a really REALLY good final salary pension that puts her way ahead of alot of people her age, never mind the rest of us!

Mum especially seems to think that if you are struggling then you just need to work harder. She agrees in company that things are terrible with no jobs etc but I know that she thinks that actually most people just dont try hard enough.

WIBU to ask her to put a sock in it? I might not put it quite like that though

Are you struggling financially at the moment? If so then they are being a bit unreasonable and insensitive. If not then YABU it mus be hard to have saved all those years and planned for one retirement lifestyle only to find out that you can't have it. Yes they're still fortunate but they should still be allowed to be upset about it for a bit until they've adjusted.

It's all relative isn't it? If they have friends who are similar age who are better off than them then they would be worried. For you you are way younger so the money they have must seem a lot and that they have little to worry about.

ITs the constant moaning that pisses me off, especially when this is done in tandem with packing for the next holiday!

They do know that we have a real threat of redundancy in the next 3 months and how worried I am, so it is the lack of awareness that bugs me most I think!

I accpe what you say about being disappointed but going on about "our terrible money worries" is a bit of a smack in the face when we could be faced with losing our home.

I think you are probably being a bit U

but, I don't blame you

if I have to sit through one more 30 minute phonecall detailing all the minutiae of my parents 3rd foreign holiday this year, I might have to chew my own arm off

I hope things are ok for you, btw

if it does come to the crunch, would your parents help you out financially to prevent you losing your house ?

I think retiring baby boomers don't have a clue about conditions for the next generation.

They dont have better off friends, in fact they are the most well off amongst their (v small) social circle. I do wonder if she likes competitive moaning!

YANBU, my mum does this too. Forever pleading poverty, always moaning about how everyone else has so much more money than she does. It's simply not true. My parents own a house in an expensive part of outer London, mortgage paid. My dad retired early and is on a very generous public sector pension. Not to mention that people on a real budget do not do all their food shopping in M&S!

It doesn't make me cross, but I do wonder about her sense of perspective sometimes. I think perhaps she feels poor because they live in a rich area, so are probably surrounded by people with a lot more money. Although her other favourite moan is about how her town is going downhill... you'd laugh if I posted what town she lives in (though obviously I won't).

AF no they wouldnt

Dad would want to but Mum wouldnt let him, she is very much of the opinion that you manage on your own and if you cant then you are doing it wrong.

YANBU, We get this from PIL. They live in a £750,000 house, have vast savings, investments and a few pensions, and they are tight as arseholes. Yet they constantly go on about money worries.

I suppose when you are at the end of your working life, knowing that what you have in the bank has to last you for the rest of your life, it can be a bit worrying.

Dont misunderstand me. I dont resent their income or financial situation, I just wish that they would have a bit of consideration about how it is for the rest of us and not rub my nose in it all the time.

As whatme said, I dont think they have a clue about how it is for the rest of us. They are used to each generation having more money and opportunities than the last and this isnt happening for us.

When I said I couldnt afford to get a job because of childcare costs she said "well you'll just have to manage wont you?"

Some people just enjoy moaning, I know I'm one of them! It's kind of the only way I can converse sometimes, I'm quite inept otherwise. Perhaps she's trying to draw out exactly what your own financial position is by talking about her own so that you open up a bit? Are you quite guarded about it?

However, moaning about your 'terrible money worries' when you are packing for a 2.5k holiday is . I thought I was being an idiot for worrying how we are going to pay off the balance of our £400 holiday, when at least we can go on holiday. Your mum sounds a bit like she's lacking in self awareness - I know alot of baby boomers seem to suffer from this trait.

YANBU. I hear this attitude from a lot of people of that age group and it can become a bit wearing.

your mum sounds like a right cow, BF

YABU because the man living on the street would ask what you have to worry about. Someone will always be worse off than you, it doesn't stop you from bemoaning your lot if you are finding it hard or different to what you expected.

I can understand why you are feeling this way though and hope you get through the redundancy situation.

The Baby Boomers have left an appalling legacy on the next generation - massive state debt, and huge unfunded pension liabilities.

Once they no longer have the voting majority, things will change - remind your parents of that :)

YANBU, it would piss me off too.

My parents are doing OK, just about, through careful money management and I don't begrudge them a thing.

However, it is true that there is little sympathy for this current generation i.e us. Long gone are the days where a house would cost 1.5 times your annual salary and you could pay it off in ten years.

These days, deposits and mortgages are way out of people's reach and holidays are a massive luxury for a lot of people.

A lot of baby boomers do not understand this and think you can still walk round asking for a job until someone gives you one on the spot.

...and remind them that you are the one choosing their nursing home < evil >

Having read your most recent post, it can be very frustrating hearing from that generation that 'We did it alone, you should too' when they bought houses for 20p that are now worth £1 squillion just because they happened to be alive at the correct time.

no, don't do that

I get this from friends, and it is all relative. They have chosen to put all their money into buying a £3/4million house, and then moan about being skint and having to buy clothes from Primark. When you downscale your lifestyle it can feel like poverty, but a bit of humility wouldn't hurt when talking to friends who can't get on the property ladder and haven't had a holiday in 3 years. And we, in turn, would never moan about our situation when talking to other friends who have experienced long-term unemployment and face the threat of homelessness.

I wouldnt go that far AF......but close

She just doesnt seem to get it. She has never been made redundant, or struggled to find a job and neither has my dad. We were never well off when we were kids but they managed to buy their own house on one wage, we had a UK holiday every year, they ran a car and they had savings. So the idea that we are struggling to do all those things is alien. She moans about the cost of things but then doesnt seem to be able to appreciate that they are more expensive for us too, and we also have a mortgage to pay!

Bogey- it might be interesting one day to list your outgoings and bring it into the conversation. I bet your mum would be shocked!

As I said, it isnt the money, it is the attitude.

And AF my sister and I have both said that they should be nice to us as we are choosing their home :o