to think that there is worrying about money and then there is worrying about money?

[bogeyface]

My parents (baby boomers, yes yes I know!) have been dealing with a situation over the last year that may mean early retirement by about 2 years (they are in their 60s but hadnt planned to retire until 65). I realise that this has altered their financial situation but I am finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth closed when mum talks about their money "worries".

To me, money worries means having to cut right back, worrying about paying bills/rent, food, clothes, shoes etc. It does not mean worrying about not being able to have 2 foreign holidays a year.

If I had genuine money worries I wouldnt be spending £2.5k on a weeks holiday (booked after this all came to light btw) which they are currently on.

I dont resent them their money, its theirs and they have worked for it, but I wish that they would appreciate that having to cut back slightly on a lifestyle that they like is totally different to living under the threat of redundancy and losing your home (as we are). It seems very insensitive to me that she doesnt see the difference. They are mortgage free, so no housing costs either. Mum has been moaning alot about possible changes to public service pensions (which wont actually affect her now, I just think she likes moaning) despite her having a really REALLY good final salary pension that puts her way ahead of alot of people her age, never mind the rest of us!

Mum especially seems to think that if you are struggling then you just need to work harder. She agrees in company that things are terrible with no jobs etc but I know that she thinks that actually most people just dont try hard enough.

WIBU to ask her to put a sock in it? I might not put it quite like that though

I don't mind at all gettingeasier she has got worse in the past year and I've now reached the point where I don't want to be near her, every conversation is about money its very draining.

Maybe we should get her and the op's dm together they could amuse themselves with competitive money problem bingo

(Sorry op don't mean to make light of it YANBU)

YANBU. My mother does this and it drives me nuts. Complaining about their second foreign holiday of the year (poor dad had to go up FIVE steps to the villa and it rained two days then it was too hot and there were too many tourists etc). Also new car this year, mortgage-free, new expensive camera and accessories. Mother makes a big deal of the fact that they can't afford to shop in M&S any more but they spend a fortune on lovely fresh food in Tesco, blueberries for £2, bags of salad, nice meat and fish you get the picture. I could never afford all that.

I'll admit I'm jealous and when I was a kid they never had a lot of money. But they have no idea what it's like to have a temporary zero-hours contract, to not have to work 9-5, to have no pension or savings, to have to put up with noisy neighbours because I can't afford a nice detached house with a garden etc.

No point in telling them though.

aaah that feels better!

Not just me then?

I think it is a common problem with that generation because it was all so much easier. Work, save 5% deposit, buy house on a low multiple of one wage, get good pension deal, one spouse works PT and saves.....

They are stuck in a timewarp of thinking that it is still the same now!

YANBU. I often think people of the baby boomers generation have little clue as to the reality of the current cost of things. My mum is forever asking why we haven't bought a house yet, criticising our 'choice' of renting. OK mum, when you pluck ther £60k out of the air that we would need for a deposit, I'll be the first person to buy a house.

also if alot of these m and d's, PILs and MILs are mail/express readers it wouldn't sit well with their philosophy to think their own offspring can't make ends meet without thinking that they easily should be able to do something about it to change it IYKWIM

It's like they are in denia about how things really are and how its not so easy to change your situation ie basic needs of housing and food are through the roof (pardon the pun) and people can't pare back any more.

I also realise that when we were young my parents didn't have much money but in the 70s there was not so much consumerism. So when I couldn't go on the school trip (went to a posh school as a poorer scholarship girl) that was that.

And does anyone think it's a particularly British phenomenom to not really look after family members ? I mean we see it to an extent the other way round - putting elderly family members in homes rather than having them live with you (not passing on judgement on that btw would hate to have my parents living with me and they wouldn't want to either)

I suppose my DH would be classed as a baby boomer (at 62 hes 23 years older than me) but he doesnt think like this. In fact he told me that in his old workplace in the "80s he was shop steward.
My parents on the other hand are both 76.

1. They buy the Daily Mail/Mail on Sunday.
2. In the late 1990s DH and i were both signing on and because of the recession and the fact that it is a small town full time WAGED jobs are like gold dust round here. DH has always had poor health so unable to work full time. So i had to try and secure full time work which took ages and in the meantime i had my bloody dm saying "You should get yourself a little part time job." Umm mum i cant afford to." back then it was no tax credits unless you had kids. I found a full time job in a sex chatline office in 2001.
3. Last month i yet AGAIN was trying to explain the concept of workfare to my mum. I took some information i found with me from the internet. I tried to explain it and she deliberately talked over me to db asking him a trivial question about one of his mates. Believe me if the article had been about Will and Kate or a celebrity whos lost weight or some other fad diet shed have been ALL EARS. And my dads attitude is "why dont they just get a job Any job is better than signing on." I swear to God if they come out with this crap again they are gonna get told that i wasnt actually working for a catalogue company in 2001 to 03 i was in a sex chatline office. Lets see if they think the same then!

I dare you, carer !

< maybe not >

Its really one for the Christmas dinner table AF

perhaps one day...

Is there any way you can just divert the conversation. Or say, cheerfully, "well, enjoy the holiday anyway."

I appreciate it must be maddening but she's old, reads a stupid newspaper and doesn't get it.

Oh you must Carer! I double dare you!

NKF, she is 62, she isnt old!

carer, I bet you make a fascinating guest at dinner parties. I would love to get you drunk and sit back and listen.

I've got one of these. FIL was pensioned off after faking being diagnosed with a MH condition which he now treats with vitamins (because he actually wasn't sick just hated his job). Goes on and on about money. Wanted to put money away for our DD's education but only if it would get him a tax break (my parents put money away and have never asked about tax breaks). He receives various pensions and goes away a lot. I wouldn't mind but he goes on and on about worrying about money. He has more than us coming in and no mortgage. He must be bloody swimming in cash. Never asks DH how we are doing.

Sorry, I thought they were older for some reason.

I love this thread!

My FIL asked his bank manager for an overdraft as he had 'very little' in this current account.

ie 27k. Yes, 27k in his current account. (not his savings, which are substantial).

Once more. 27k.

zukie your parents sound toxic. My mum has the same woman blaming attitude.

My mum talked over me trying to explain about workfare last month because she doesnt want to know the truth. It upsets her cosy little Daily Mail fashion and celebrity reality show watching,Kate Middleton worshipping little world.

zukie, I think I actually hate your parents

sorry about that

zukie, I don't know how you cope with that. That's fist-eatingly unfair.

See I really really don't get this stuff.

I woulkd and will never let my DC do without, even when they are grown up. Never.

I think it´s their personalities tbh.

Or they never watch the news.

How can people not get that it is different now-unless they don´t want to?

Even my in his 80s father gets it.