to think that there is worrying about money and then there is worrying about money?

[bogeyface]

My parents (baby boomers, yes yes I know!) have been dealing with a situation over the last year that may mean early retirement by about 2 years (they are in their 60s but hadnt planned to retire until 65). I realise that this has altered their financial situation but I am finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth closed when mum talks about their money "worries".

To me, money worries means having to cut right back, worrying about paying bills/rent, food, clothes, shoes etc. It does not mean worrying about not being able to have 2 foreign holidays a year.

If I had genuine money worries I wouldnt be spending £2.5k on a weeks holiday (booked after this all came to light btw) which they are currently on.

I dont resent them their money, its theirs and they have worked for it, but I wish that they would appreciate that having to cut back slightly on a lifestyle that they like is totally different to living under the threat of redundancy and losing your home (as we are). It seems very insensitive to me that she doesnt see the difference. They are mortgage free, so no housing costs either. Mum has been moaning alot about possible changes to public service pensions (which wont actually affect her now, I just think she likes moaning) despite her having a really REALLY good final salary pension that puts her way ahead of alot of people her age, never mind the rest of us!

Mum especially seems to think that if you are struggling then you just need to work harder. She agrees in company that things are terrible with no jobs etc but I know that she thinks that actually most people just dont try hard enough.

WIBU to ask her to put a sock in it? I might not put it quite like that though

she sounds like my parents, BF

it's very common

my parents have also forgotten how hard it is to juggle home, work, kids, money worries etc

yes, I know they've done it themselves, but are their memories so short ?

And I agree that the Baby Boomer generation have left a terrible legacy for us to live with.

I sympathise. My baby boomer parents and mil go on about having no money as they pack for luxury cruises and round the world trips. Always with a hint that they expect me and dh to bail them out when they run out of money...

my sis and I always say to each other "if I ever get like that, shoot me"

Sounds like my aunt (58) who lives mortgage-free in a huge house, having made money not through work, but by selling at the right time in the property boom. She has income from investments and from her partner's business, which she only has to work at a few hours a week. Yet, by all accounts, she is poverty-stricken because they can't quite manage a foreign holiday this year. (Never mind her new car and the flying lessons her dp is having instead...).

The last time we were talking she was bitching about her mother and how she "just doesn't understand how hard it is for me financially". This is Gran, whose father died at the start of WW2, leaving her the oldest girl in a family of 10, and who left school at 14 to go into domestic service. But no, Gran doesn't understand just how HARD it is for poor Auntie L.

AF are you actually my sister? :o

erm...

Wow Owl that would really piss me off!

AF I am sure you're not, unless you have a penchant for filling your house with small animals with strange names!

Yes bogey agreed, but what I am thinking is do baby boomers such as your Mum, realise how much of your income goes in bills and mortgages? perhaps if they realise this they'll stop thinking skint people are not trying hard enough.

It reminds me of my ex PILs- always lecturing how they bought their first house as soon as they got married, which is what we should have been doing etc etc. Not mentioning that the mansion they were in was largely financed by her inheritance.

They have it so much easier, which is fine, BUT they have no empathy with the generation below (us).

I doubt it would make a difference YouOld. "You cut your cloth...." is a favourite saying of hers, so if you dont have enough money then you need to work more or spend less.

She really does see it in such simple terms.

They read the Daily Fail btw, just to complete the stereotype :o

Oh crikey bogeyface. Good luck with that! There's no hope....

I could sit down with my aunt and go through our outgoings - have mentioned mortgage costs, etc. - but somehow it just doesn't go in. I don't understand why. As it happens we aren't struggling too badly - we have much less than she does, but I think we're happier as we know that we're fortunate. But any time I've been worried because, say, our (ancient) car went bang and we have to find the repair money, she just doesn't get it.

I am laughing now as I have realised that they really are the ultimate BB stereotype!

Daily Fail reader - check
Food Shopping in M&S - check
Constant moaning about benefit scroungers - check
Uses winter fuel payment for holiday spends - check
Have matching walking hats - check

YANBU. The ILs often comment about budgeting and not being able to afford stuff and how they have never been well off etc. They are clueless. DH and his sister grew up in a 4 bed detached house (which they are still living in), they buy brand new cars, FIL retired in his fifties, MIL hasn't worked since she was 24 and they go on holiday at least twice a year. They rarely pay their share when we go out as a big family expecting their children to pay for them.
Interestingly, my dad and his wife (who are ten years older), live in a one bed housing association bungalow, no car, no holidays and just live off their pensions (no savings left due to very bad financial move at the end of their working lives) never ever complain about money.

OMG bogey that sounds like my mum and dad - again both recipients of being born at a fortunate time. df was able to retire age 55 on a final salary pension. My dm did a small job for pin money and they were able to keep my gm in her own house until she died therefore not being forced to sell it for care home fees.

I actually didn't agree with that as she was very frail and kept falling over - once on her own for many hours before being discovered.

They simply don't seem to understand when I say I am struggling and to be honest I can't cut my cloth any more.

I understand about standing on on two feet etc - is this a particularly British thing btw? (I rent a house from an Indian man who bought it for his dcs when they were at med school). To me it doesn't seem loving to stand by and watch your dcs genuinely struggle when you are sitting pretty.

Oh yes and mine read the Daily Express check

YANBU - totally understand how you feel.

yup, sounds like my PIL, currently on their 3rd holiday of the year (on which they have also taken their DD and her 2 kids). they cant understand why we dont go on holiday... next time they raise the issue I'm going to bloody well tell them!!

they are having to cut back though - they shop in Aldi now and make jokes about buying 'pensioner's wine'. bless them.

BF, I don't fill my house with small animals

I think your parents are being extremely insensitive. If it was me I probably would say to them that I understand that they may be disappointed that their pension isn't going to be as much as they thought it was going to be, however, since you could be facing redundancy and potentially losing your home your financial problems are rather more large scale and as such there is a limitation of how understanding you can be. I probably would tell them they're being insensitive. Your mum sounds as if she likes moaning just for the sake of it. If she can't empathise with your situation then why do you need to empathise with her?

My grandparents are like this and it drives me crazy, to be fair to my grandad he does it more because he grew up with nothing and is very careful not to spend more than he needs to my grandmother on the other hand is just a selfish person who doesn't think of others!

Their financial situation is this.... My grandad worked for the same company for about 40yrs, he was made reduntant at 56 and got about £95,000 in redundancy pay, soon after he discovered that he had ill health caused by the company so was awarded £125,000 in compensation as he is unable to work again.

They sold their mortgage free house for £386,000 and moved to a retirement home where they pay a very small amount of rent (£60 per week inclusive of water and council tax)

They both get good pensions yet my gm moans constantly that they have no money, her current thing to say is "don't expect much for birthdays or christmas as we don't have the money" (I don't expect anything and would actually rather she didn't buy anything as she always goes on about how much it cost) whilst when it was her birthday recently gave everyone a list of what she wanted (all over £30).

My DP and I don't have much spare money and after paying rent and bills barely have enough for petrol, we have no savings but consider ourselves fortunate to know we can cover the essentials each month, it did however grate yesterday when she spent an hour talking about how they have no money then told me she had just ordered a new carpet and because she paid cash it was only £500

She then asked......

when we were going to buy a house as renting is a waste of money, ermmmmmmmmmm probably never

Where are we going on holiday this year, errrrrrr no where we can't afford too

I should just add she is in her early 60's and grew up with nothing so its not as if she has no idea what real life is like [sigh]

Just to add to that when I said I doubted we would ever be able to buy our own home her reply was "well maybe you should ask your mum to give you the deposit" this would be my mum, the single mum who has worked hard my whole life to provide for me, who doesn't even own her own home and has minimal savings that have taken her years to save great idea ill ring her now shall I

Her reply to the no holiday was "well you should have started saving for it last year, we've just booked 2 weeks in August but i didn't want to wait that long for a little break so I've booked a last minute deal for next week" < I give up >

Great nickname smiling and I bet you are too !! Your GM sounds like an old bag if you dont mind my saying

OP they sound dire.
But I suspect you will struggle to make them see their insensitivity.