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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this inappropriate of the teacher

102 replies

sweetmoonbeam · 10/06/2012 15:48

Hi, I hope it's OK to ask as I'm genuinely interested.

My friend has a ten year old daughter who is in year 5 and the week before they broke up for school there was a little jubilee party with sandwiches and cakes (in the style of a buffet.)

Friend's DD took two of the same type of cake and her teacher shouted at her, very publicly, to put one back, there was no need for her to take two and that she was being greedy.

The girl isn't fat but she is definitely not slim either. I don't know how to describe - plump isn't accurate as she isn't plump even, but on the big side of average? Does that even make sense?

She's a lovely girl and works hard but is quiet and likes to read so has been the victim of a little bit of bullying and teasing.

My best friend is a TA at the school and isn't normally with that class but because all the juniors were out that afternoon she saw this and mentioned it to me as she knows I know the little girl through my friend.

I think it's quite horrible of the teacher (and I am a teacher myself!) but am I being a bit defensive on behalf of my friend's DD?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2012 15:50

Honestly, I read that thinking you were going to add a 'point' at the end.

Just what is the problem?

Ok the teacher shouldn't have 'shouted' but if I had a pound for every raised or stern voice that was described by a disgruntled person as a 'shout', I'd be a very rich woman.

Please explain what her weight has to do with any of this?

squeakytoy · 10/06/2012 15:51

I suspect I will be in the minority here.. as usual, but no, I dont think it was inappropriate if all the other children were taking one cake each.

It doesnt matter what size she is either, that is a bit of a red herring.

mynewpassion · 10/06/2012 15:51

The teacher could've been more tactful and kinder about not taking two of everything. There might have been enough for each child to have one.

TheFallenMadonna · 10/06/2012 15:52

The TA criticised a teacher to you because the incident involved your friend's daughter?

What did she expect your to do with the information?

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2012 15:53

And the 'shout' (though I'm not convinced it necessarily was one) may well have been because the girl wasn't listening when everyone was told to take one only?

annatee · 10/06/2012 15:55

Mean :(
I would have been very sensitive about this when I was a little (fairly chubby) girl... but maybe she isn't as neurotic as I was! Do you know how she responded? Easy to forget that kids might dwell on things that seem tiny in the moment.

januaryjojo · 10/06/2012 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarcalogos · 10/06/2012 15:56

The only inappropriate one here is the gossiping TA.

squeakytoy · 10/06/2012 15:57

If the teacher had said "oi xxxx, that is why you are fat, put one of those cakes back and dont be greedy", then fair enough... but she didnt..

Original poster

sweetmoonbeam · 10/06/2012 15:57

The first line said I hoped it was OK to ask.

I guess it isn't.

I don't mind people saying - yeah, no problem as I know as a little girl this would really, really have upset me, but that's why I asked everybody here, but what IS the point of replying just to tell me that I shouldn't have started the thread in the first place?

I sometimes think some posters would just like to have Mumsnet all to themselves to play on.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 10/06/2012 15:59

speaking about what happens in a classroom full of ten year olds is hardly disclosing personal and private confidential matters is it?

TheFallenMadonna · 10/06/2012 15:59

It's fine to ask. Were you not expecting answers?

squeakytoy · 10/06/2012 16:00

nobody has said you shouldnt have started the thread...

diddl · 10/06/2012 16:00

No I don´t think it was inappropriate of the teacher.

There was probably only enough for one slice of that cake.

I would think it bad manners of the child to take two slices tbh.

Teacher may or may not have handled it badly.

TA needs to stop gossiping.

Lastofthepodpeople · 10/06/2012 16:01

Okay, I'll be the first to say I think it was inappropriate of the teacher (leaving aside whether it was of the TA). If one child has taken two slices, she should tell that child to put one back without shouting and certainly without calling her greedy.

jamdonut · 10/06/2012 16:02

I agree with worraliberty.
Its like when when we do charity biscuit sales at school(e.g. Children in Need )...letters are sent home saying if each child brings a "donation" of 20p in they can have a biscuit. Some children bring 2or 3 pounds and expect to have several biscuits for their donation and "one to take home for my little brother/sister, cos my mum says its not fair otherwise" They are usually very miffed when we say it was "a" biscuit not more than that...enough are baked for each child and member of staff to have one each !

Sunscorch · 10/06/2012 16:02

I know as a little girl this would really, really have upset me

Well, since you don't actually know what happened, I don't think you "know" that at all.

pictish · 10/06/2012 16:02

It's fine to start the thread...who said otherwise?
It just so happens that the answers aren't what you wanted or expected to hear.

I agree with the others. No biggy.

HalfSpamHalfBrisket · 10/06/2012 16:03

Yup, TA should NOT be talking to you about this.

We had a buffet party in my class - I had to tell several children to not pick up two cakes. We'd made enough for them to have 1 each and have some for our party guests. It was nothing to do with the size of the children!

chloekitten · 10/06/2012 16:03

Really difficult one isnt it if you are not there to see the whole context of the thing.

I am a teacher, and I agree that shouting is unprofessional. On the other hand I have had some horrendous lies told about me to parents from their children, where tone of voice, what was said around the event, body language and other contextualised information changes things.

I once had a ragingly angry mum come in. I was speaking nicely for a while about the childs progress and I could see there was a massive issue waiting to pop, but couldnt for the life of me think what it was, as I had never had a run in with this girl. Turns out the child had told her mum that I had shouted at her for simply walking to the bin to sharpen her pencil.

I was stunned and agree with mum that if that had been the case I too would have been extremely upset about it. What had ACTUALLY happened was that I had asked the girl several times to get a pen out and write the title, and she had refused, accompanied with huffing, eye rolling and loud 'meant to hear it' mutterings about what a bitch I was. Having done no work for the first 20 minutes, I then asked the class to put their pens down and listen while I explained the next bit. In the middle of a silent listening class, while I was talking, the girl then got up quite theatrically, scraping her chair loudly and proceeded to sharpen her pencil in the bin at the front. I asked her to leave the room, as she was distracting the rest of the class from listening.

Im not saying your daughters friend has warped the story like this, but sometimes children mistake the context, and they are not always very good at remembering what was said immediately before. It might have been a simple mistake. Might be worth talking to the teacher about it.

diddl · 10/06/2012 16:04

Problem is the TA may have embellished a bit.

Teacher shouldn´t have called the child greedy-if she did.

Thymeout · 10/06/2012 16:04

Someone needs to have a word with the TA about confidentiality. What happens in school, stays in school. V unprofessional and happening more and more often ime.
Apart from which, it should have been obvious to a Yr 5 child if there were only enough for one each even if they hadn't been told beforehand.

Dprince · 10/06/2012 16:05

No I don't think the teacher was inappropriate. She probably told them to take one and she took two.
What is inappropriate is the TA telling you. She didn't tell you because you know the girls mum. She told to gossip, which I imagine she could get into trouble for. Also leads me to suspect that if she acts so inappropriately, she is probably stretching the truth and the teacher didn't shout at all. If I was this girls mum and I found out the TA was concerned about how the teacher was with my child and she told another mother, so she can tell me I would complain to the school about the TA.

NarkedRaspberry · 10/06/2012 16:05

It is greedy to take 2 cakes. It's not about size, it's about one each - not taking more than your share.

EdithWeston · 10/06/2012 16:05

How many cakes? How many children? How much background noise?

If every child took two, would there have been enough to go round? If not, then totally right to stop her (and yes it is greedy to take more than your fair share, especially if it could leave some with none - 10 year olds should have grasped sharing). Also, over the usual background noise of a party, a raised voice is usually necessary.

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