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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this inappropriate of the teacher

102 replies

sweetmoonbeam · 10/06/2012 15:48

Hi, I hope it's OK to ask as I'm genuinely interested.

My friend has a ten year old daughter who is in year 5 and the week before they broke up for school there was a little jubilee party with sandwiches and cakes (in the style of a buffet.)

Friend's DD took two of the same type of cake and her teacher shouted at her, very publicly, to put one back, there was no need for her to take two and that she was being greedy.

The girl isn't fat but she is definitely not slim either. I don't know how to describe - plump isn't accurate as she isn't plump even, but on the big side of average? Does that even make sense?

She's a lovely girl and works hard but is quiet and likes to read so has been the victim of a little bit of bullying and teasing.

My best friend is a TA at the school and isn't normally with that class but because all the juniors were out that afternoon she saw this and mentioned it to me as she knows I know the little girl through my friend.

I think it's quite horrible of the teacher (and I am a teacher myself!) but am I being a bit defensive on behalf of my friend's DD?

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 10/06/2012 16:35

Water, children telling their parents is totally different to a professional telling someone who wasn't there is and is not related to the child in question.

A child might tell their mum that X child was in the naughty corner half the day (not their any decent schools still have a naughty corner but you know what I mean), but it would be inappropriate for the classes TA to tell someone else's mum that information about the child.

Sarcalogos · 10/06/2012 16:35

Bah typos Blush

LynetteScavo · 10/06/2012 16:36

I hate my DC being shouted at. One of the things I liked about the school I chose for them is that the teachers aren't shouty (they were very shouty at last school). But if my boys (skinny) were taking more than one cake, that would be greedy, and they should be told sternly to put one back. But then my boys could quite happily hoover up enough cake for 200 children.

"She's a lovely girl and works hard but is quiet and likes to read so has been the victim of a little bit of bullying and teasing." In Y5? Sounds like a shit school (or possibly just this teacher) to me in that case. The TA bitching about a teacher suggests to me it's either generally not a happy school, or this teacher is a particular cow.

All you can do with this information is build up your own special dislike for this woman.

wfrances · 10/06/2012 16:51

just pass the info onto mum and let her speak to the teacher about it.

Thymeout · 10/06/2012 16:53

watermargin The TA was passing on information critical of the teacher to a parent who she knew had a personal interest in the child and would very likely relay it to the child's mother. I'm sure she would have been told not to do this during her training and that the Headteacher would take a dim view of it.
If one of the other children at the party had done the same, there's not much the school can do about it but the TA is in a semi-professional capacity and should know better.

Rubirosa · 10/06/2012 17:01

Child shouldn't have taken an extra slice of cake.

Teacher shouldn't have shouted.

TA definitely shouldn't have been bitching about the teacher.

Pandemoniaa · 10/06/2012 17:11

The problem with these third or fourth hand accounts is that you can't reasonably, rule upon their reasonability or otherwise.

Neither you, OP, nor the mother of the child in question was present. You don't know how much food was available or whether the child was being greedy so I wouldn't, personally, over think this. Let alone ponder on whether the child was being picked on because of any perceived weight issues.

If the only run-in with teaching authority that comes the child's way is a warning about cake and greediness, she's going to have a smoother run throughout her schooldays than most!

Pandemoniaa · 10/06/2012 17:13

PS. What I would say is that the TA was being unreasonable in forgetting that she is supposed to be professional and not spread gossip outside the school. Regardless of whether or not the teacher should have shouted (if indeed she did), I'm sure the HT would be underwhelmed to discover this incident is now being shared all over the internet.

accountantsrule · 10/06/2012 17:16

I think the confidentiality issue is not necessarily around what actually happened but more the fact that the TA is discussing the teachers actions and suggesting they are inappropriate to a parent.

If the TA thinks that the teacher was inappropriate then they should have reported it at school surely?

How would you feel as a teacher if your TA had discussed with parents that you were inappropriate in dealing with a child without actually raising it as an issue to you or your manager?

ClaireBunting · 10/06/2012 17:19

I think the teacher was being reasonable.

It is not polite to take two cakes until everyone has been served.

By chastising the girl, she sends a lesson to everyone withing earshot.

Shame the girls' mother didn't teach good manners.

ivykaty44 · 10/06/2012 17:20

It was correct of the teacher to stop the child taking two cakes at once. How would you feel if your dc didn't get any cake as she was at the back of the queue and all the children took two cakes leaving none for those following on?

soverylucky · 10/06/2012 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 10/06/2012 17:41

The teacher should have shouted, "Just take one of those, X, or else we might run out. If there are any left at the end, you can have another."

I hate people being called greedy.

marriedinwhite · 10/06/2012 17:41

If the child was upset because she felt the teacher's tone, volume and request was unacceptable, I imagine the child's mother will be raising it. End of.

ClaireBunting · 10/06/2012 18:29

In that situation, married, I would hope the teacher to say' "bring it on".

It must be awful to have to correct ingrained bad manners, day after day, and to try to make a difference.

Sirzy · 10/06/2012 18:32

I agree with most it would seem, the teacher probably shouldn't have shouted (if she did), but the child should have only took one cake and the Ta certainly shouldn't be gossiping

GrahamTribe · 10/06/2012 18:33

So the child was being greedy but the teacher isn't allowed to tell her so?

And ClaireBunting, good post, very well put.

Thymeout · 10/06/2012 18:48

Agree with you GrahamTribe and ClaireBunting.

Not even sure the teacher shouldn't have shouted. By the time she'd taken the child aside and talked to her quietly about her behaviour with circumlocution for the word 'greedy', all the cakes would have gone, scoffed by the kids behind her in the queue.

MyBaby1day · 12/06/2012 07:28

No, the teacher shouldn't have shouted like that!, if (s)he thought it was greedy of this little girl (s)he should have said in a quieter way. And using the word "greedy" was wrong!.

tinkerbel72 · 12/06/2012 07:34

Well the TA was certainly inappropriate! Hopefully the school will soon find out that she gossips and criticises the class teacher to parents, and she'll get a disciplinary. I wonder how you react when this TA gossips to you OP?

FallenCaryatid · 12/06/2012 07:36

If the teacher hadn't used the word greedy, but had said 'Put one back, it's not fair to take two' would you have had a problem with that?
It's another case of teachers needing to consider every word and every action all the time. STRESSS!

FallenCaryatid · 12/06/2012 07:38

Oh and shouted/projected?
Have you been at a party of hungry 10 year olds? Do you know how much noise they make?

Thymeout · 12/06/2012 07:55

What's WRONG with the word 'greedy'?

I wish some of the adults I see at buffet restaurants had had a teacher like this when they were 10.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/06/2012 08:16

If my skinny 9 yr old dd was helping herself to 2 or more cakes I'd tell her to put one back and not be greedy. Greed doesn't necessarily indicate fat.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/06/2012 08:17

I bet the people saying this teacher was wrong would also complain if the teacher had allowed the kids to stuff their faces on loads of cake too.

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