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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this inappropriate of the teacher

102 replies

sweetmoonbeam · 10/06/2012 15:48

Hi, I hope it's OK to ask as I'm genuinely interested.

My friend has a ten year old daughter who is in year 5 and the week before they broke up for school there was a little jubilee party with sandwiches and cakes (in the style of a buffet.)

Friend's DD took two of the same type of cake and her teacher shouted at her, very publicly, to put one back, there was no need for her to take two and that she was being greedy.

The girl isn't fat but she is definitely not slim either. I don't know how to describe - plump isn't accurate as she isn't plump even, but on the big side of average? Does that even make sense?

She's a lovely girl and works hard but is quiet and likes to read so has been the victim of a little bit of bullying and teasing.

My best friend is a TA at the school and isn't normally with that class but because all the juniors were out that afternoon she saw this and mentioned it to me as she knows I know the little girl through my friend.

I think it's quite horrible of the teacher (and I am a teacher myself!) but am I being a bit defensive on behalf of my friend's DD?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 12/06/2012 08:21

True, I can also imagine the "my child didn't get any cakes as the others could take as many as they wanted" complaints to

piprabbit · 12/06/2012 08:25

IME children can get a bit excited and I can well imagine that the teacher was trying to prevent an outbreak of food snatching and hoarding (why do some children insist on piling their party plates high so that other children don't have a choice of food and then just leave it all - v. rude, but not saying that was what the OPs friends child was doing, just it could have triggered the rest of the class jumping in and grabbing 'extra' too).

pictish · 12/06/2012 08:25

Poor buggers are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Some parents really do need to pull their heads out of their kids' arses.

Sirzy · 12/06/2012 08:26

Pip - plenty of adults do the same, I never fail to be amazed at the amount of food people manage to pile on plates at buffets/carveries

mrsconfuseddotcom · 12/06/2012 08:36

Does it matter?

I remember a lot of grumpy old bags teachers like this from school. It's par for the course I think.

biddysmama · 12/06/2012 08:39

the ta breached confidentiallity and would get in trouble for telling you!

pictish · 12/06/2012 08:41

So do I confused. What a lot of lily livered wishy washy fuss over hee bloody haw.

TroublesomeEx · 12/06/2012 09:53

I'm surprised a teacher wouldn't be able to work this one out for themselves to be honest...

But here we go.

  1. If the instruction was to take one of a cake type and she took two, then she wasn't following the instructions.

  2. If this girl was allowed to keep her two cakes then the teacher would have had no room for manoeuvre when the next child took a second cake.

  3. If all the children who wanted to take a second cake had been allowed to, then the cakes might have run out before all the children had had one. It's not fair for some children to have none because some children had two.

annalovesmrbates · 12/06/2012 10:15

The TA's behaviour was completely inappropriate! If she had concerns, they should have been raised and dealt with in the school, not discussed with other parents.

annalovesmrbates · 12/06/2012 10:15

The TA's behaviour was completely inappropriate! If she had concerns, they should have been raised and dealt with in the school, not discussed with other parents.

takingiteasy · 12/06/2012 10:36

I was called greedy by a home economic teacher for daring to try and put more than half a teaspoon of mincemeat into a pie!

I was am fat but wasn't greedy and they were tight.

Bumdrop · 12/06/2012 11:39

Storm in a teacup, methinks :)
Same happened to me at school in the early eighties ....
We all took in something to put on the party table,
I took in my favourite choc. Swiss roll :)
When it came to helping ourselves, i put two slices of said cake on my plate,
Teacher saw, and loudly said ...dont be greedy, put one slice back,
It was about making sure there was enough to go round,
Big deal ?? Nah !
Reckon this has touched a raw nerve in your situation because the girl is on the big side.
Gasp.... The teacher said greedy, they MUST be referring to her size,
This is probably about you and the mum's body image issues than anything else x

Floggingmolly · 21/06/2012 16:25

You are projecting a lot to imagine the teacher did what she did because of the child's weight. And all the stuff about being a lovely girl who works hard, but is quiet and loves to read?? What is the relevance of any of that?
Is the child in question actually your dd?
Tbh, if you can build up a huge scenario like this from one little throwaway remark, you don't sound robust enough to be in teaching.

Sprogged · 21/06/2012 18:05

Couldn't the teacher have said it nicely though? In a teaching, sort of way? If I was a 10 year old at a buffet I wouldn't be thinking of how many people to how much food. That doesn't come until you're an adult providing the stuff. I would have been thinking yessss, loadsa food, dig in! It's supposed to be a party. She wouldn't have realised there wasn't enough to go round if everyone took 2 and would have had her feelings hurt at being accused, in front of the other kids who bully her, of being a pig. Or should you only be polite to adults and treat kids like crap?

Sprogged · 21/06/2012 18:09

Might have sounded a bit harsh there, sorry, what I meant is couldn't they have just shouted 'One each please or we might run out' without naming anyone in particular?

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2012 18:10

Oh God the tiptoeing around children is getting ridiculous.

I would have been thinking yessss, loadsa food, dig in!

Which is precisely why it's best to point out to children that, that sort of behaviour is greedy.

Because basically it is....

Sprogged · 21/06/2012 19:30

Oh God the tiptoeing around children is getting ridiculous.

Yeah, give em an eating disorder instead. Fucking genius.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2012 19:31

Like obesity?

Yeah that's fucking genius

Oppsididitagain · 21/06/2012 19:44

i dont raise my voice at anybody so i tend to view people who do as unacceptable i personally feel its the start of losing control, i also wouldnt have said anything like that infront of other people just incase it was taken in a offensive way BUT thats just me and im a bit odd.
i dont have an issue with the TA telling you if you work at the same school and if she wasnt passing on gossip but was asking about something that gave her a concern.

but the thing i have the biggest problem with is worms. childrens hands putting food back on plate WORMS (yes i have issues) nuff said

Sprogged · 21/06/2012 19:51

Being rude to children does NOT give them obesity Worral. And it was a party. You're SUPPOSED to eat cake at parties. YANBU op. The teacher was rude and should know better.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2012 20:18

I don't think she was rude.

Helping herself to two of the same cake when there are other children to consider was greedy. Of course you're supposed to eat cake, but you're also supposed to make sure everyone gets one.

Greed can very often lead to obesity but then I wasn't the one who brought eating disorders into this.

NarkedRaspberry · 21/06/2012 20:23

Psst, this thread died 10 days ago.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2012 20:23

Lol I know but it's been resurrected Grin

NarkedRaspberry · 21/06/2012 20:25

Ghost cake Grin

Sprogged · 21/06/2012 20:29

So you never get pissed at the office party at Christmas? You never have a blow out when you go to a restaurant? And everyone that does is a greedy bastard that's going to get obese? 10 year olds aren't self conscious, they do what they feel, and they shouldn't be made to feel self conscious by an inconsiderate teacher.

On the subject of eating disorders, I was thinking specifically of a story I read years ago in Chat or Women, that sort of mag. The woman in it was a bit overweight in primary school and a little bit shy and bullied because of it. A teacher bellowed at her to not storm around LIKE AN ELEPHANT and the other kids sniggered about it. The woman said that was why she developed anorexia and was 4 stone in a hospital bed with tubes in and out of her being told she had days to live. She got better and won awards for her body but it is these sorts of circumstances that lead directly to children developing disorders.

And I'll bring into it too that kids who are bullied occasionally commit suicide. The teacher should know better.