to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

[OhWhatAPalaver]

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

Pickled lemons plurks?

look, you lot so "concerned" about the "vulnerable OP" here, start a separate thread to slag off my style, why don't you

if you think I'm not helping her, how is this any better ?

hypocrisy, not pleasant

you may not like what I say, but it's an angle that's just as relevant as the "poor diddums needs a rest from this dead difficult parentlng lark wot is much harder for wikkle men" bullshit

if op feels they have a open and honest relationship why did she not feel able to tell him that she wanted him home?

YANBU... a night off is fine, but he should come home, get DD up tomorrow morning and give you a lie in.
He is a parent now. I love it when men can say they have a hard time adjusting then piss off on a night off especially when you are EBF and you just have to get on with it. Being totally responsible for baby's feeding is exhausting, and you won't be getting any time off till she is weaning / getting used to a cup (which WILL happen, I've had two non bottle babies who got used to a cup quit quickly)
Plus, a whole night out probably drinking, he'll be useless tomorrow so you will have no help at all.
Make sure you put some time in the diary for time off too, even if its not a night out, some time in the day, for your own sanity.

Is that a general post aimed at anyone not agreeing with what you've said AF?

Good question a air, I think from what she said tis because he has painted her into a corner and delegitimised her feelings about it.

"poor diddums needs a rest from this dead difficult parentlng lark wot is much harder for wikkle men" bullshit

Do you say that to first time mothers who have trouble adjusting to parenthood too?

Honestly, that's the sort of remark I'd expect to see from a F4J supporter.

Mocking struggling parents is not in the spirit of MumsNet.

This site is all about support and advice...not piss taking when people are struggling with the most massive upheaval in their life so far.

I'm leaving this thread now because that is just disgusting and I'll only get banned if I end up answering any more.

I really feel some people don't see the subtlety behind the breezy last-minute phone call "ok if I stay out all night ?" whilst he's already at the pub, with an audience, it's quite clear it's a statement not a question and OP can't win whatever she says

tsc had it, in one of her posts upthread

it's manipulative at worst and totally thoughtless at best

neither of those are acceptable

Are you drunk, AF?

I haven't seen anybody say (or imply) that parenthood is harder for men.

I see your pov, but I don't understand why such a strong tone against the DP, and people who don't share your view.

Afs posts.
I've msgd op too scared of afs acidic fountain.

Oh good, does that mean we can get back to answering the ops questions instead of gang banging ?

In response to WL leaving..

take it how you like, AZZ, you will anyway it seems

you seem determined to stay in this "discussion" with me, even though it's not actually about you

I think AF is getting a harder time on here that the OP's DP is gonna get tomorrow morning

please stay, WL

Mothers of small babies (often because they are doing the night feeds) don't tend to opt out by going on the piss though. They simply can't. When they have a hard time adjusting, they still have to get on with it, but perhaps they get depressed.

the breezy last-minute phone call

She called him, not vice versa.

Or turn to chocolate and wine

MZ, no, I'm not drunk, is that what you say to people whose opinion you don't agree with ?

< sigh >

I always, always went home.

And then got moaned at for snoring.

I hate it when this happens.

The op has gone now.

I'm going to hide this thread because IMO AF, you have made it your crusade to paint the ops DH in the worst possible light, for whatever reason you have.
Anyone trying to give another point of view is being basically ridiculed and insulted.

Op have a talk with your DH, I'm sure he will understand your POV once you have a talk.

Had the OP not called him following the text, when did he intend on letting her know whether or not he was coming home?

Can no one else see how he's made it impossible for her to object, which then means next time, she's undermined before it starts?

Would anyone on here recommend to a struggling mother that she goes out gets pisse and stays away all night?