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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

434 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 08/06/2012 23:09

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:31

sooty, there is a reason she called him

are you saying she shouldn't have "bothered" him while he was out having fun?

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 00:31

The OP said they have 'a generally good relationship, we're very open and honest with each other' AF, but you're answering as though she'd said they have a 'generally volatile relationship, he's very manipulative and controlling'.

As you can only go on what the OP says about their relationship, it's like you're saying the only reason the OP doesn't see her relationship as abusive is because she hasn't realised it yet.

Of course that's true in some relationships, but if you're looking for red flags you're going to find them.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2012 00:32

ringing when he's out and putting her on the spot is really unfair

she called him after she got the text.

rhondajean · 09/06/2012 00:32

Ahhh I think thesecondcoming gets it too. Phew.

CrispyCod · 09/06/2012 00:32

That's harsh fortyplus

LeBOFFY · 09/06/2012 00:33

To be fair, OP might be gone because it's half midnight and she has all the feeds to do. Which someone has to.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2012 00:33

are you saying she shouldn't have "bothered" him while he was out having fun?

No. Where have I said that or implied it? I'm pointing out that he didn't manipulate or engineer a phone call in front of an audience.

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 00:33

The only poster being discusting here is WL by attacking another posters opioin. Angry

Op you should not be made to feel that your wants and needs dont count. I hope your talk goes well tomoro.

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:33

fortyplus that's a pretty low thing to say, and to do

TheSecondComing · 09/06/2012 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Originalplurker · 09/06/2012 00:34

Excellent fort plus, I'm just so fed up of it all.

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 00:34

'you seem determined to stay in this "discussion" with me, even though it's not actually about you'

Determined probably isn't the word for it, I'm discussing the OP and what you've said about it.

Because I'm posting, it is about me and I'm discussing what other posters are saying.

Unless you think I shouldn't post what I think?

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:35

rhonda, I think only a few people can see the sticky situation that OP is in

Op saw it herself, that is why she posted

now she is likely to be more confused than ever Sad

Imsosorryalan · 09/06/2012 00:35

(rolls eyes) forty, I wonder who's search results came up as being on over 500 replies, hmm

MorrisZapp · 09/06/2012 00:35

Of course not, AF. As I said in my post, I see your pov. It's the strength, the tone, the language etc that I don't understand.

You're not the only one on here who thinks the DP is out of order. But you are the only one calling him names, embroidering the OP, and then calling sexism on those who don't agree.

fortyplus · 09/06/2012 00:35

I always like to check the credibility of those giving avice - especially when they're hitting below the belt.

How about taking up a new hobby? Tai Kwondo maybe?

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:35

tsc, let it stand

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 00:37

Nobody agreeing with AF is bowing down to her.

And nobody disagreeing with her has an axe to grind.

TheSecondComing · 09/06/2012 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrispyCod · 09/06/2012 00:38

AnyFucker has a rather direct style in her responses. She shouldn't be slagged off for it. I happen to agree with her the majority of the time, I just don't approach it in the same way.

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:38

AZZ, you might want to run that last comment by everyone on this thread

BabylannShallFall · 09/06/2012 00:39

"Check the credibility" Hmm

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 00:40

or more precisely, that one person who has flounced because they "fear getting banned"

that's a bit "axe-y" if you ask me

fortyplus · 09/06/2012 00:40

Oh... and I'm a bit of a lurker rather than a poster these days... but it has started to seem weird that the same names crop up posting on every thread I ever look at!

So many opinions on so many topics... and it's always the man who's the immature bastard...

I'm sure that the OP has good reason to feel a little miffed, but she doesn't need the integrity of her relationship called into question.

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 00:42

Which bit didn't you understand AF?