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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

434 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 08/06/2012 23:09

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

OP posts:

rhondajean · 09/06/2012 12:50

I shoes that's what I don't get either - why does the break have to involve drinking yourself into a stupor? And in this case he didn't apparently - so why didn't he just go home? And what happened to make him text at 3 am?

But now we've managed to help persuade the poor op that she's the one who is irrational for expecting her husband to come home.

I don't know if anyone noticed he always works late in the original posts. This was his early night. Fair enough going out for a bit, but to spend the entire night, unplanned, away from home, send a piddling text at 3 am when it was too late to change anything, know the op was upset about him doing it, apparently be sober and still go ahead - leaving her in enough of a state to kick off this whole debate, largely because he's already been saying he's bored - doesn't lead me to think he's the nice guy some up there are claiming he is as they do their victory jig round their living rooms.

doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 12:50

i love it when a thread takes on a life of its own and people end up discussing a totally different issue to that in the OP

pictish · 09/06/2012 12:52

Meanwhile, back in reality, this OP's dp has had a solitary late one, and somehow the world just keep right on rotating as though nothing of any gravity had taken place. Fancy that.

I'm going out now, to buy new wellies. I am off to a festival next weekend. Four nights. I'm really looking forward to the break.

Ishoes · 09/06/2012 12:52

Agree doggie-think we should just leave it now as op appears to have gone.

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 12:53

I don't need to report someone who says something I disagree with, I just post a reply to what they've written.

Or do you think that gives you licence to post whatever you like, however you like, because if you've not been reported it must be OK?

The emotive and aggressive way you're posting is goading Ishoes, telling other posters they're brainwashed drudges if they can't see anything wrong with what the OP's posted is goading.

Ishoes · 09/06/2012 12:54

Enjoy pictish-festival sounds like my idea of hell. Give me a lovely hotel with a champagne bar any day

Ishoes · 09/06/2012 12:57

I did not call anyone a "brainwashed drudge" I pointed out that imo posters on here may be brainwashed into thinking that this is an acceptable way to treat a partner.

I have no problem with people disagreeing with my opinion at all-it was not me who was trying to derail the thread by takings potshots at another poster who they clearly have a problem with.

Or who was then trying to point score when the op came back with her update.

pictish · 09/06/2012 13:01

It's a boutique festival don't you know.

I have no idea what boutique means but I think it's synonymous with small.
It's a very floaty ambient affair...all flowers and flags and fire. So laid back.
I haven't got it in me for the monster festies anymore.

Ishoes · 09/06/2012 13:04

As long as you are not in a tent pictish then I am sure it will be great-have a good time!

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 13:15

Pictish, get waders not wellies and a few anoraks

the forecast for the next 10 days is for more wet, cool and wild weather

it's bloody shite

doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 14:25

boutique festival???? lol I have visions of cath kidstone bunting, ciabattas, cupcakes and skinny lattes - have fun

molly3478 · 09/06/2012 15:41

have you tried dr brown bottles? dd was a bottle refuser a few wks ago but isnt now.I got peed off with dh going out to but it really wasnt because he was goibg out but just I was worried I wouldnt be able to. I personally would have no problem with sleeping over and dh wouldnt with me either.

molly3478 · 09/06/2012 15:57

Having read this thread I will just say I have done a fair few all nighters since dd1 has been born.It isnt seen as a big deal to me or dh and definitely doesnt mean your cheating or not a family person.

manicbmc · 09/06/2012 16:21

Well..... I'm off to the pub.

Original poster

OhWhatAPalaver · 09/06/2012 17:53

the man came home said it was boring and didn't want to stay out again as he just missed me and DD and couldn't sleep on a sofa bed in someone's living room any more. i barely even had to say anything to suggest this. result! :)

OP posts:

Original poster

OhWhatAPalaver · 09/06/2012 17:56

molly nope not tried dr browns yet, tried all manner of other one's though. different teats, bottles, cups, all sorts DD having none of it. we have decided to just keep training her with the cup as it seems to be the one she likes best.

i think it's quite funny how the thread spiralled out of control slightly, but thanks again for everyone's advice and enjoy your festival pictish :)

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 18:03

Your DD will be off to university in the blink of an eye Palaver

And this'll all seem like a distant nightmare leaving you sympathising with other people going through it.

WhiteWidow · 09/06/2012 18:03

Your turn for a night out now OP :)

Can't believe the character assisination the mans been subject to in this thread! Jesus he only wanted to kip on his mates sofa for the night.

I find that if you give them the freedom, they don't want it anyway ;)

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 18:04

I meant your DD not taking to the bottle rather than the thread

AnyFucker · 09/06/2012 18:40

oh-ho, OP

self gratification ...not all it's cracked up to be

ashesgirl · 09/06/2012 19:13

It's not exactly what I'd call funny OP. I think your thread raised issues on what people fundamentally consider acceptable in relationships.

AF's taken a pasting - for my personal opinion, I think she wasn't far off when she said some posters reckon "hang on, that ain't a good way to treat someone".

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 19:25

So he did not come home from work
Stayed out all night
then txt you at 3am to see he missed you buy that he wasnt even drunk and he didnt really want to stay out anyway.
And you were being silly.

Glad that worked out of you

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 19:27

Your determination that the DP's in the wrong somehow is impressive if nothing else AnAir

AnAirOfHope · 09/06/2012 19:28

bollocks

NovackNGood · 09/06/2012 19:29

So once again we see that the usual bitterness and name calling and mysandry from the leave him crowd was as usual not needed and all is fine and dandy.

Good for you OP.

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