to feel this way about DP staying out for the night

[OhWhatAPalaver]

i kinda think i'm being a bit silly here but not sure... i'll try and be concise.
our DD is 5 months old and a bottle refuser, meaning i am unable to go anywhere or do anything at the moment. i have completely accepted this to be the case and i don't mind too much, i can live with not being able to go out for a while.

DP works shifts, pretty much always late ones. he knew he was getting off a bit early tonight so was going to meet up with some friends (mostly girls) for a few drinks. fine by me, no problem at all. he doesn't go out often so i'm ok with this.

however, i get a text not long ago saying he is now going to his friends house, so i call him and ask how he's getting back as its not on the right bus route. he says he might get a taxi or might stay on their couch, he's not sure. i must have sounded disappointed as he said i sounded miserable. i always seem to feel sad and anxious if he stays out and i feel that, being a father now, he should be responsible and come home.

i am slightly concerned as he was only saying the other day that he wants more excitement in his life and is a bit bored at the mo as he feels like all he does is work and doesn't get much time to see his friends any more. i explained that we have a young baby and that's generally what happens for a while.... i don't want him to feel like he cant go anywhere but i really would prefer him to come home tonight rather than tomorrow. AIBU?

Last night you felt crap because of what your DH did, now you are making excuses for him. You are right, your time will come soon enough, so would it really hurt him to wait for that time to come with you, his wife who is working so hard to look after his baby.

I dont think you should "leave the bastard" but i think you need to have a talk, his "lack of excitement" its called being a grown up. I hope he is going to pamper you today and help out wiht the baby rather than languish on the sofa and leave you to it.

It was the "silly me" comment that made me sad - you were not silly to feel abandoned and isolated. He sent you a text to tell you where he was going, he didnt even say if he were coming home, you had to phone him to ask :(

Right Tantrums - I feel like you too, and my two are nearly 2 and 3. We're talking about someone in the depths of EBF - not quite the same thing, is it? Easy to forget what it was like though, as the years pass.......

Tantrums i do this too actually, you may have missed my post when i said that i go out, fairly regularly, dp doesn't (he doesnt want to) and i roll in, legless and he has to cope with DD. But DD isn't a baby that is exclusively BF and that only he can do it (yeah yeah, i know!, just making a point).

But anyway, the OP seems quite happy with the set up but the "lack of excitement in my life" comment is a huge red flag for me. I think he must be quite young.

I will never forget what breastfeeding was like. Not ever. So you're wrong on that count.

So what, pictish?

You're OK with the status quo, so everyone else should be, too?

It turns out the OP is fine with it all - 'silly her' after all - so at this point, we're just arguing amongst ourselves...

Glad your ok op.Pictish and Tantrums are talking sense.

Everyone is entitled to a night out one on a while.

I don't think its an issue unless you speak to each other and agree that it shouldn't happen again and urgently it does.

If it became a regular occurrence that would worry me, but we are all human and none if us are perfect. Sometimes we need a break.

It's your turn next op, I suggest a lovely long lie in tomorrow. It's all about comptom

Bollocks! Posted, typos and all...

I was meant to say: It's all about compromise.

Although comptom is just as important I feel

NurseBernard why the 'silly her' ?

You're OK with the status quo, so everyone else should be, too?

Err yeah....that's kind of the whole point I'm trying to make? It's not worth re-evaluating your marriage for?

Melody - she said 'silly her', I was just quoting...! I do not think 'silly her', hence my continual arguments on this thread.

Oh yeah, a lie-in... That's just as much craic as a FULL night out on the lash... not. honestly, what some women will buy

we're both 27 so not that young! i see what you mean doggie, i guess i wasn't really being silly as such. everything does seem worse at night though doesn't it? i know i can sometimes over-react to situations, especially if i'm tired and with EBF DD i am tired a lot!

i think with the 'lack of excitement' comment he was referring to the lives we used to have being so different to the lives we have now. of course he is over the moon to have our DD and i don't think he would change anything but i think he misses the time we used to have together as a couple iyswim.

Glad it's all good in the 'hood, OP.

DP and I operate a 'pennies in the bank' system, and we both get equal leeway to take time off childcare. While you're still ebf, you could ask for your 'pennies' to be paid in other ways? Or just save them up and have a weekend away post weaning :)

Alls well that ends well it seems. No thanks to MN.

I think a lot of us EBF, my DCs may be older now but it doesn't mean we forget.

My DH went out once when my first dd was 3 months old.
He had a good time, had a but too much to drink, and stayed at his friends house.

He text me at 1am to tell me this.

I was asleep, I read the text at 3am and sent one back to say goodnight.

I'm just saying, what works for one couple doesn't work for another, that's normal isn't it?
But my DH is not a selfish irresponsible twat for staying at a friends house because I don't mind.

The op does mind, maybe her DH doesn't know this, maybe he hasn't stayed out all night since dc was born.
When she tells him hows she feels, then he will understand. And behave differently-or not.

I object to someone being judged on the basis of one comment about staying out all night.

And I also wanted to say that I did EBF for 5 months with all 3 DCs and it didn't make any difference in my feeling towards DH staying at a friends house.

Hey Nurse, don't knock lie ins, there's nothing better than sleep and knowing someone else is in charge!

I'm not. I sow, I reap.

I'm just saying, the night out wins ever-so-slightly, non?!

I know...it all went quite sweet in the end didn't it? Turns out he's not a bastard after all.

This lot must be gutted.

I bet the op would rather sleep at the moment than go out on the piss!

I just don't think that he is a total bastard for having a night out. And it turns out he really wasn't so its all ok in the end. If he did it every weekend it would be a different story...

why would people be gutted someones DP is not a bastard, that is a pretty nasty thing to say (and I wasn't even saying he was a bastard, incidentally)

Because they were so certain there was evil-doing afoot, despite all evidence to the contrary!