aibu to be pissed off that its always me that changed my working hours?

[ThatVikRinA22]

im just having a rant really but would be interested to know if i am being unreasonable....

i work 2 nights every 10 days.

when i started this job DH was supportive and arranged so that he didnt work nights when i do.

i earn more, i have better prospects.

now im almost 2 years into this job and he starts to move the goal posts....so i am due back at work having had annual leave....i am due back on nights.

he has just told me he has to work those nights and there is nothing he can do.
he is saying that i should just go to work and stop worrying!

DD is 14 and imo not old enough to be left alone all night
DS is officially an adult but is autistic and is not safe to leave alone all night imo.....he is awake most of the night and frequently forgets to lock doors etc...i have also discovered he started a fire in his room recently as he has taken up smoking
so i do not trust that its safe for no adult to be home at night.

i have had to at very short notice grovel and change my working hours to try and fit around DH.

He is being an arse and will not discuss it - just says its tough, there is nothing he can do and i should go to work and stop worrying

this is happening more and more and i think its going to begin to be an issue. I cant just alter my working hours at will - i work in a uniformed service and its set shifts. (so hardly a surprise when my nights come around!)

i would happily give up work, but i earn more and we cant afford it.
aibu?

it is shocking i agree.

its DH burying his head in the sand because it is all too hard for his brain....

Vicar - just a few thoughts:

I would ignore the discussions re minimum wage - this is adhoc babysitting - not an employer/employee relationship. Non payment of minimum wage is not a criminal offence anyway it is a civil/employment law matter anyway.

As for places to try - childcare.co.uk or gumtree or even sitters.co.uk.

Also all this talk of beds for the babysitter - they don't need one! They will be working nights. Do you have a bed at work at night!?

I would think that you need them to be staying up at least as late as they can to mirror when your DS is awake.

I think this could suit an older person perhaps mature student who could stay awake perhaps studying etc and then stay fully clothed but perhaps nod off on sofa.

How every much ££ it costs you will be in profit compared to giving up your job.

What an annoying situation you are in. Surely single parents without family support nearby must find these shifts near impossible. Has your sgt had anyone before who struggled? What did they do? I hope you find a solution, but yes, it is awful that it is you who has to do it, and not your DH.

It'll be worth it. Remember that!

What an annoying situation you are in. Surely single parents without family support nearby must find these shifts near impossible. Has your sgt had anyone before who struggled? What did they do? I hope you find a solution, but yes, it is awful that it is you who has to do it, and not your DH.

It'll be worth it. Remember that!

Oops.

I did read your other posts, by the way, but I thought you said he was off to uni soon? I was kind of thinking from then on, if you could manage the next few months with a little help. Have you explained your situation at your work? i do understand that you don't feel you should have to change, but I would go down every avenue first. But as I said, I think you've already made your mind up.

j - i appreciate what you are saying and ive not discussed it yet with sgt, because DH has only just told me that he can no longer accommodate my nights, (well only just when i began this thread and ive been on annual leave so not been to work since)

however, the job being what it is, is very regimented and not all that accommodating to those of us with children - its a very male dominated job anyway and most sgts and above dont really seem to have much sympathy for people juggling child care issues and shift work in my experience. Also the fact that i am not even out of probation will be an issue. They will (quite rightly) say i knew the shifts when i started, they have not altered.

ive made my mind up about nothing - i have in fact already yet again altered my shifts this week to accommodate my DHs working - what i am saying is that i think it is grossly unfair that it is always me that bends, and accommodates, or sorts out an alternative - its as if child care is simply not my DH problem, but solely mine, and that is what annoyed me with this latest revelation that he cant accommodate me any more, and the assumption that i alone should find the solution.

Can I ask - is this about your shifts or does he fundamentally disagree that they need a sitter?

i think its more about my shifts and it s easier for him to just think they are old enough and dont need a sitter....to arrange a sitter would be hassle - he doesnt like hassle.

although i have to say i think his tune changed a bit yesterday as he found 6 cigarette ends outside the patio doors....proof that DS is smoking and would probably do it in his room if he thought no one was there to stop him.

Fair enough.