to think I am both right and unreasonable, and it's all MN's fault?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Warning: If you are the sort of person who expects AIBU to be full of deeply important life issues, this is not the thread for you. If you expect deep indignation, this is also not the thread for you. But I blame MN entirely for my situation, so there.

My dear brother has a baby, and it is the most amazing baby in the world, of course. And DB enjoys educating me and DH because we're poor childless fools (and we like the baby).

Now, I know bugger all about having children, I have never been through labour, and I should, I know, confess my ignorance with a becoming modesty.

However: being a fine, upstanding and lazy member of MN, I spend time on here and I watch stuff like Call the Midwife (which I am sure is practically a documentary, naturally) and One Born Every Minute. And sometimes some of it sinks in, sort of vaguely.

So, we were listening to DB monologue chat about his wife's labour, and DH happened to mention a mutual friend who'd had a difficult time because her baby's shoulder got stuck during delivery. So my brother says, 'oh, no, that doesn't happen! You see, the baby can move around during the pregnancy - but when it wants to be born it puts its head down, and straightens out, and it comes out like that, so there is no way it could get stuck. It's all instinct and nature!'

Leaving aside the fact I'm not 100% sure we needed telling most babies are born head first ... AIBU to feel I am quite right that some babies do get stuck during tricky labours and to feel I must bite my tongue and say nothing about this to my brother because he - rightly - will assume I am a childless know-it-all talking bollocks?

He also came out with, 'You see, LRD, you can't really have drugs during pregnancy because if you do, the baby will not learn to breastfeed - if you don't have drugs, the baby knows what to do by instinct.' So, you know, no pressure.

Now, AIBU to think that if I had never found MN I would never have absorbed any vague inkling that the above information might be in any way incorrect, and I would have trusted by brother and gone around in blissful ignorance?

It's called shoulder distocia if you want to look it up. And yes, of course watching one born every minute absolutely makes you an expert on labour!

YANBU. Lure your DB on here and let us at him

And need I point out that he should try pushing a baby out of his bits before telling anyone they shouldn't have drugs! Although he is sort of right that if opiate drugs are given too close to birth it can make baby sleepy and a bit harder to feed sometimes.

Babies can absolutely get stuck. I don't know about the drugs and breast feeding thing...

YABU to question your brother. He is a man and a father and as such is superior to a childlfree sister. Woman know your place!

Mine got stuck btw and I had 14 stitches to prove it.

Your brother is, um, um, well, he has sum interesting ideas, doesn't he? Bless him.

When I was born I came out hand first.

Then head and shoulders followed. Ouch.

at your rant

We're all experts doncha know

your brother doesn't sound like he knows what he is talking about. YANBU and YAB right

I thought so, ellan. Worryingly, though, I did know what it was called. It is so odd what you pick up without really thinking about it.

mistress - ooh, tempting! I have to say it was on the tip of my tongue to reply, 'well, we shall see what MN says!' which is coming to be the default response to disagreements with DH. But I restrained myself.

I do know this is all storing up terrible karma for when I eventually do have a baby. He's going to be right about everything, isn't he?

* Some*, not "sum". That was a typo, a slip of the brain, not text-speak. I'm waaaay too old for text-speak.

Neither you or you brother have ever given birth so I'd say you were equals!!

Oh and you're right and he is a loon.

Ds went to sleep during labour.

How did you react to the fact that he'd never heard of a breech (breach?) birth? See, even though I KNOW I should keep quiet and say nothing, I would actually have responded "Are you serious? You've never heard if z breech birth? What did they TEACH you at your antenatal classes?"

Wish he would have told both my DD's that, as they both headed straight for my pelvic bone and got stuck there resulting in two CS. DD2 even needed forceps during CS because was so stuck!

How did you not laugh in his face

This is brilliant, btw. Thanks for replies.

I do get abut opiates and sleepiness, btw ... it was just the rather absolute prescriptiveness I found a little eyebrow-raising.

I was wondering what you lot would have reckoned if you heard your husbands putting down everything in labour to the baby's 'instincts' not your hard work, too!

"I was wondering what you lot would have reckoned if you heard your husbands putting down everything in labour to the baby's 'instincts' not your hard work, too!"

My husband would have spent some time afterwards clutching his balls.

black - I so nearly did!

He didn't intend to be, but he was being massively patronizing ... detailed explanations like 'and then, LRD, they do a set of tests on the baby when it is born, and then repeat them later on, and [niece] got a 9 and a 10, which is very good of course ...'

Yes, DB, it is. It's an APGAR. Like every single newborn's parents will tell you about.

Bless him, I do love him really but obviously there was no way I couldn't come on here and tell you about it as it is quite funny.

Wish someone had explained to dd that her head was supposed to come first. Silly girl stuck her hand over her head, Superman style, and in consequence got well and truly wedged. I have no idea how many stitches I had as a result - I really didn't want to know! Too many, I think.

And yes, I took drugs in pregnancy (paracetamol and the like, not anything illegal!) and yes, she still breastfed.

I had an epidural and DS is still BFding at 2. Thank god for the drugs or he'll be still going at 18.....

I know a man the same. They have 4 children, but to listen to him you would think that he had gone through labour!
My DH squirmed through all of antenatal class, got competitive with the other dads, and ate too many biscuits because they were free. His encouragement during labour was 'good girl, good girl!'
Prob best you think about his version of birth though, will make you a lot happier at the prospect if you do choose to have a baby!

graham - yeah, funny that, the thought did occur she might be a little cross!

To be fair to him, I think he's heard of a breech birth but didn't really get that the baby might be more-or-less headfirst but still not quite in the right position.

He is very pleased with himself as the midwife said he was the best labour partner she'd every seen.

Bless him. One day he will look back and cringe.

One assumes it is a PFB and that there are many more such comments tom come :)