to think I am both right and unreasonable, and it's all MN's fault?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Warning: If you are the sort of person who expects AIBU to be full of deeply important life issues, this is not the thread for you. If you expect deep indignation, this is also not the thread for you. But I blame MN entirely for my situation, so there.

My dear brother has a baby, and it is the most amazing baby in the world, of course. And DB enjoys educating me and DH because we're poor childless fools (and we like the baby).

Now, I know bugger all about having children, I have never been through labour, and I should, I know, confess my ignorance with a becoming modesty.

However: being a fine, upstanding and lazy member of MN, I spend time on here and I watch stuff like Call the Midwife (which I am sure is practically a documentary, naturally) and One Born Every Minute. And sometimes some of it sinks in, sort of vaguely.

So, we were listening to DB monologue chat about his wife's labour, and DH happened to mention a mutual friend who'd had a difficult time because her baby's shoulder got stuck during delivery. So my brother says, 'oh, no, that doesn't happen! You see, the baby can move around during the pregnancy - but when it wants to be born it puts its head down, and straightens out, and it comes out like that, so there is no way it could get stuck. It's all instinct and nature!'

Leaving aside the fact I'm not 100% sure we needed telling most babies are born head first ... AIBU to feel I am quite right that some babies do get stuck during tricky labours and to feel I must bite my tongue and say nothing about this to my brother because he - rightly - will assume I am a childless know-it-all talking bollocks?

He also came out with, 'You see, LRD, you can't really have drugs during pregnancy because if you do, the baby will not learn to breastfeed - if you don't have drugs, the baby knows what to do by instinct.' So, you know, no pressure.

Now, AIBU to think that if I had never found MN I would never have absorbed any vague inkling that the above information might be in any way incorrect, and I would have trusted by brother and gone around in blissful ignorance?

Oh, yes, I do see that hobs. I'm just thinking about the serious side of it now.

I am physically shaking with laughter at leisurely stretches out and heads downwards, tears streaming down my face

Love the image of DS twiddling his thumbs and doing the bored looking around thing thinking "I think I'll do something different today"

Oh dear

This thread has had me in hysterics and made me feel better about DS' birth.

He was an emergency CS as he decided to climb into my throat back upwards as contractions got strong and get a foot stuck in my rib! I have no drugs because they do not give them in Tenerife - not through want of trying!

I had an epidural 18 minutes before he was born - for the cutting me bit - and the Gynae said in a Spanish accent 'Oh look, he is like 3 months, he looks round, I think he need APGAR of 11' He did not BF well at first - but wonder if thats becaus it was 3 hours before we tried?

Me? WTF is is an APGAR, give me more drugs and stitch me up.

I would have found it very hard to smile and nod at your DB. Child or no child yet I knew labour wouldn't be a barrel of laughs just wasn't prepared for quite how unfunny it is!

And X-DP wouldn't have dared comment as he wasn't allowed in labour room - again Tenerife rules and just got a message via a nurse to say he had a DS He wouldn't be fathering another child ever if he had tried to play the expert!

No, that wasn't too long, that was lovely!

I had no idea they didn't give drugs in Tenerife ... crossing that off my list of places to give birth!

Are your ribs ok now?

had shoulder distocia with DS1, it was awful and it took about half hour to get him breathing on his own (he had oxygen immediately).

I had antobiotics for a kidney infections and strong painkillers for SPD at the end and even after him being in intensive care for a week being fed through a drip he still breastfed perfectly well as soon as he was well enough.

I feel quite cross (in a lighthearted way I guess) with your brother as it was actually very traumatic for all of us at the time of course so it feels odd for someone to belittle something like that.

Yeah thanks - except I was most preturbed the epidural didn't numb them too

They also strapped my arms to the bed - Jesus on the cross stylee - and I had a lovely Male mexican midwife who had the lovely job of putting the catheter in

YANBU to think its all MN's fault.

I'm expecting my first baby. So obviously I'm clueless compared to my mum (who had 6 pregnancies) and my elder sister who had her first baby last year. Except that as I was TTC for the last 6 years, I have actually bothered to do some reading of books and MN. which makes me totally prepared because reading about something and doing it are obviously very similar

I already start many conversations with 'Someone on MN...' I cringe when I do it because I know how it sounds. I know that I might change my opinions on somethings once baby is here and don't want to shoot myself in the foot by disagreeing with them about stuff. But at the same time, I'm kind of irritated that my sister got pregnant before me (not that I dislike my DN or wish her the heartache I went through) and so has set all the precedents of how mums and babies are these days for my parents.

I totally get that for my sister, giving solids before 6 months and giving up BF before a year were the right choices for her and her baby. But I'm kind of worried that it'll set up a lot of expectations about what we'll choose with ours and cause numerous 'it didn't do DN any harm...' The worst of it is that he'll always be 9 months or so older than our baby, so its likely to happen at every stage of development (oh, DN knew latin by now... ).

But I already have strong ideas about parenting which are different. which will no doubt actually have to adapt to the baby I produce (I in no way criticise my sister's choices for her baby! honest!).

Of course I could be worrying about nothing and they might be really supportive and uncritical unlike how they are about everything else I do

It's kind of cute that your DB believes all the positive birth stuff. Its probably really useful if everything goes well and might be what he needs to tell himself before TTC #2. He'll be in for a shock if it doesn't go to plan in future though and I'm that he completely dismissed an actual experience, that must be an amazing level of delusion optimism there that it can retroactively correct someone else's experience.

I can see how it happens though. We had our first parenting class on birth preperation last night and it was all very lovely, with the only midwife-led reference to complications being 'and if there does seem to be a problem, we'll discuss all your options with you', there were pessimists in the class though who asked about problems.

I was a bit worried that DH would be too naive about childbirth, till I heard an 'Oh! ' whilst he was on the computer. Turns out he had looked up the word 'episiotomy' after coming across the term whilst reading one of those pregnancy update/prepearation emails. I did try to explain to him at the time that when Dara O'Brain's sketch talked about a cut versus a tear didn't refer to a CS - well he understands the sketch better now...

ha! youarekidding thought that post was long...

P.s. I want to try to avoid opiate drugs in labour, partly because I hate feeling out of control and to avoid drowsy baby though I reserve the right to change my mind in labour and I still think he's daft for saying that drugs mean you can't breastfeed. They maybe aren't ideal, but plenty manage it.

Gosh ...youare that sounds pretty scary. You're obviously a much braver woman than me to be so sanguine about it now!

lou - yes, I do know what you mean.

spirited - oh, best of luck then! I know what you mean ... I am constantly biting back 'well, MN says ...'. DH - poor man - has been in receipt of plenty of descriptions of what other people say about labour: '... and that's an episiotomy, darling, isn't it amazing'/ '... and she said it was like [insert gory description here]'. So hopefully he won't be quite so clueless as my brother!

Spiritedwolf My DH is more traumatised by my episiotomy than I am! I didn't even notice it happening noticed the stitching being done by an incompetent trainee though

He still mentions it nearly 9 months later with a look of horror and amazement that I didn't feel (or hear) it

Oops, cross posted with your second one spirited.

I agree ... even if we're told what possible side effects drugs have, it is wonderful to know that they are available and that medicine has got to the point where labour is much safer than it would naturally be (as cory said).

And I also say "i read on MN" a bit too often

If babies don't get stuck, why did they invent forceps and ventouse

I stick to "I read on the internet", seems safer in general.

Spirited, despite numerous dn's and god-children, my dp is in for a bit of a shock just like yours. We have 25 or so weeks to go, so I'm letting him drift round in a blissful haze... For now...

Mine didn't get stuck, despite dd and ds1 both coming outhand first

Despite the complete lack of drugs though ds1 slept for 9 hours straight after the birth and was a nightmare for days as he wouldn't stay awake long enough to feed and I was barely allowed to touch ds2 for 5 days as the silly git managed to inhale a mouthful if blood and ended up in scbu

I've only read the OP

Yes, babies can get stuck.

as I'm sure you'll remember from my Live Birth epic saga thread, DD got stuck part way out and I had to have an episiotomy.

in fact, her hand was tied to her face by her cord (my friend confirmed that to me this weekend), but her elbow was also sticking out (way to go, DD! ) , and I had to be cut to allow room.
Had I been in hospital, of course, I wouldn't have got off so lightly....

she had a lumpy skull where she had been wedged for ages and ages. (it vanished after a couple of days)

It's alright LDR he was one hot Mexican ignores the fact he was sticking a tube up my urethra!

I have also started conversations and nearly said 'someone on MN'. Problem is I often change it to 'someone I know' and my Best friend is getting a little suspicious of all these 'friends' I seem to have that she hasn't heard of met! Baring in mind we've know each other 20 years!

Spirited, don't worry. Once you've had the baby and the hormones ease off you will develop a new super power. The superhuman ability to smile and nod whilst internally going

fuckofffuckofffuckffyoustupidbitchfuckofffuckoffFUCKOFF!

Until they have finished.

Good luck, purple.

nickel - how could I forget?! I think the most impressive thing there was the speed with which the thread was updated to say your DD had (finally) arrived!

How are things going these days with her? I bet she is doing all the cute things.

youare - yeah, somehow, 'my friend, um, [insert stupid MN nickname here] says ...' somehow fails to convince, doesn't it? I'm sure there must be people around who think my husband's first name is Dee for all the times I end up saying 'and then I said to DH...'.

honey I somehow feel I may have been practicing that skill.

LRDtheFeministDragon, PLEASE make him watch THAT episode of OBEM from the last series that someone linked to.

I'd love to hear his response to it and whether babies get stuck again afterwards on here!!!

I will certainly mention its existence to him, hmm! I know he and SIL are thinking about another baby so it would be .... educational ... right?

Of course its educational. He should be prepared for every possibility in case his wife needs the support.

That particular clip should be one of those things they film people watching and then stick the video on youtube...

tell him that until he gives birth himself he should shut the fuck up.

My DS got stuck due to shoulder dystocia and I have a fannyful of stitches to prove it!

Got to love these men who think they know it all about childbirth, it's quite sweet really