to think I am both right and unreasonable, and it's all MN's fault?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Warning: If you are the sort of person who expects AIBU to be full of deeply important life issues, this is not the thread for you. If you expect deep indignation, this is also not the thread for you. But I blame MN entirely for my situation, so there.

My dear brother has a baby, and it is the most amazing baby in the world, of course. And DB enjoys educating me and DH because we're poor childless fools (and we like the baby).

Now, I know bugger all about having children, I have never been through labour, and I should, I know, confess my ignorance with a becoming modesty.

However: being a fine, upstanding and lazy member of MN, I spend time on here and I watch stuff like Call the Midwife (which I am sure is practically a documentary, naturally) and One Born Every Minute. And sometimes some of it sinks in, sort of vaguely.

So, we were listening to DB monologue chat about his wife's labour, and DH happened to mention a mutual friend who'd had a difficult time because her baby's shoulder got stuck during delivery. So my brother says, 'oh, no, that doesn't happen! You see, the baby can move around during the pregnancy - but when it wants to be born it puts its head down, and straightens out, and it comes out like that, so there is no way it could get stuck. It's all instinct and nature!'

Leaving aside the fact I'm not 100% sure we needed telling most babies are born head first ... AIBU to feel I am quite right that some babies do get stuck during tricky labours and to feel I must bite my tongue and say nothing about this to my brother because he - rightly - will assume I am a childless know-it-all talking bollocks?

He also came out with, 'You see, LRD, you can't really have drugs during pregnancy because if you do, the baby will not learn to breastfeed - if you don't have drugs, the baby knows what to do by instinct.' So, you know, no pressure.

Now, AIBU to think that if I had never found MN I would never have absorbed any vague inkling that the above information might be in any way incorrect, and I would have trusted by brother and gone around in blissful ignorance?

Hobs - dear god alive. I hope you and your son are OK now.

How sweet and amazingly irritating of your DB!

My DB has always made wild sweeping generalisations and talked bollocks about stuff he knows very little about. It used to really annoy me but I try to let it wash over me now.

Funnily enough although he has no children, he's quite reassuring to chat to about baby stuff cos his very close friends have about 10 children between them so he has many horror stories about pregnancy, birth and babies.

I had a simple enough birth with DS but lots of drugs He latched on 5 minutes after birth and hasn't let go since

ShowOfHands & @ those comments. "maybe my instincts are holding me back" might be my favourite.

GitAwfMayLend DS is fine now. Has to have regular development checks because of the type of bleed, but he's hitting all his milestones. I have some physical and mental problems still, but getting on with it.

My DS's insctincts were to do a back to back superman impression at birth, leaving me with a second degree tear and so many stitches the midwife lost count, be born not breathing and with an APGAR of approximately minus thirty (I can't remember what it really was, 3 maybe?), not feed, at all, and end up in SCBU being threatened with a drip.

And I had morphine because my contractions were every minute lasting thirty seconds at 4cm. I'd like to have seen ANYONE refuse me painkillers at that point...

Love "Maybe my instincts are holding me back"

Toria A superman pose is quite impressive "instinct" for a baby!!

I remember in the antenatal course being told that if the baby was back to back the the baby would turn its head by 90 degrees so it could get out. I was very impressed that the baby was so clever.

Unfortunately I am not very good at left and right and it seems that dd has inherited that. She turned the wrong way and got stuck. The first tried tugging from one end then when that didn't work had to give her a good old shove so they could get her out the other.

LOL at the concept of APGAR scores on CVs. I have less than no idea about either of my DC's scores as I was a bit busy being sewn back together at the time

I maintain he is G&T Hobs

So that's what happened!! DS2 wasn't following his instincts when his head arrived and then he decided that just staying where he was was just fine!!! It wasn't that my contractions stopped totally and he was literally left hanging for a few minutes while the midwife panicked because my baby was going blue It was definitely DS2's instincts that got him a birth apgar of 2. Probably best not to put that on his CV

That particular episode of OBEM brought back terrible memories for me as I realised that was the colour DS2 must have turned. He's now 6 and thriving btw

It's great that your DSIL's labour went so well, but he does need to be told when he's wrong sometimes and he was very wrong here.

I had drugs and dd breastfed straight away. I had no problems with her breastfeeding. I don't know why sometimes breastfeeding works and sometimes it doesn't seem to, but I know in my case an epidural didn't make it difficult.

Very G&T Toria

Right, important stuff first.

hecate pleas, please please, strongly consider a name change to ThankHecatesBaggyFanny, immediately.

Also, LRD do you think your DB would mind awfully agreeing to be an expert witness in court? I am now thinking of suing the hospital for what was obviously a quite unnecessary C-Section to wrench (yes wrench I nearly flipped of the table the way they yanked) ds out. I will the off course go on to sue God, for not providing me with the correct womanly body that allowed my PFB to simply fall out once his head was correctly positioned.

DD OTH was a water birth, I shot her out several feet across the pool when I overheard the MW tell dh that the pushing stage could last for hours as it was a Vbac and therefore my first vaginal birth. Dh gleefully tells everyone I loudly exclaimed "FUCK THAT!!!!!" and had her head out 10 minutes later.

I'm really sorry I've dredged up bad memories for so many people. I should have thought.

It does sound awful, and terrifying, and makes me see the very un-funny side of it actually. So in all seriousness I might sound him out another time and just check he does realize it doesn't always go easily and SIL might have more to worry about another time.

On a lighter note, honeydragon I love your attitude there! 'Fuck that' sounds a brilliant response.

LRD I think, in all honesty you do not need to have had a baby to be able to point at DB whilst rolling on the floor and laughing at him, if he spouts such rubbish again.

He's obviously very proud of "his" birth

FaceForRadio Wed 06-Jun-12 13:04:15

"When I was born I came out hand first.

Then head and shoulders followed. Ouch."

Was it an attempt at a Superman impression?

He is very proud, honey.

I think it would be prudent to wait until after I have had a baby to do the pointing, laughing, and rolling around, but I shall look forward to it.

It is interesting how many 'superman' babies there seem to be on here!

Someone wasn't paying attention in antenatal class, eh?

And at "puts its head down and straightens out" Does it also shout "up periscope, prepare to surface!" ?

Bless him.

Yes, sister, nephew and niece were all 'superman' s

Oh, fenton, wouldn't it be wonderful if they did? I can just picture one of the dads on OBEM shouting that phrase now.

Honeydragon Love the attitude!

To be fair to DS and his instincts I had been induced early due to his giganticness, and he was expelled rather quickly into this bright scary new world (12 hours from pessary to delivery) and I only pushed for ten minutes which was nice! And he's fine now (7mo) thrived on formula when he finally worked out how to eat something, and is hitting every milestone.

Am in awe of all the women on here who have been through such terrible things and have somehow come through the other end able to joke about it. You all deserve a medal.

Amen to that, hackmum.

And thank you for being so good-humoured about me posting this, btw.

LRD I don't think you need to apologise - noone had to reply if they didn't want to!!

Have re-read OP and am at "when the baby wants to be born" as if the baby is twiddling his thumbs and deciding that, actually, the womb is getting a bit dull now, kicking mummy will be much more fun from the outside (can also bite nipples, pull hair, wee, poo and be sick on mummy) so leisurely stretches out and heads downwards